wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It is, of course, not news that the Rancid Kumquat, a.k.a. President 47, is consistently scraping new depths. Jacques Cousteau found new depths to the oceans. Kumquat finds them in the ordure of the lowest circles of Hades and he keeps on digging. But here is the problem. We all know that he is clogged with cholesterol and is possibly one hamburger away from a speedy demise. But that leaves us with something equally as bad – and with a brain. JD Vance.

A few months ago, only US politics nerds like WTF knew much about the junior Senator from Ohio. He wrote the best selling book about escaping hillbilly hell. He was a former marine, who never seems to have seen any actual fighting, and who used the grant at the end of his service to go to college and then to Yale law school. He made a shed load of money bankrolled by a billionaire. He has a wife of Indian Heritage whom he met at Yale and with whom he has two cute kiddies.  He was accused of being a sofa-shagger (ie he shagged the sofa, not someone on the sofa) which is doubtless fictitious and he is said to wear eyeliner, which is more likely. Before the election, his principal contribution to public discourse was to fuel the rumours that Haitian immigrants in his state were eating cats and dogs in Springfield, which was definitely nonsense, and to refuse to acknowledge that  Kumquat had lost the 2020 Election. Since the 2024 election, however, he has revealed himself to the world as a first class shit, popping up everywhere to spread division with the apparent aim of cracking open NATO, championing right wing parties across Europe, destroying Ukraine, suggesting that British troops have not been involved in any war for over 30 years, which must have come as a surprise to those widowed spouses and parents of the men and women who died in Afghanistan and Iraq, and ensuring that if and when 47 goes to the Great Golf  Course in the Sky and he succeeds him as 48, his support base will be there just as it was for his current boss. He told a security conference in Germany that he was more worried about freedom of speech in Europe than he was about Vladimir Putin, and  then went and cosied up to the far right AFD. He was worse cop to Kumquat’s Bad Cop in the Oval Office when he laid into Zelinskyy for not being grateful enough to the US for planning to carve up his country. He grinned like a demon when Kumquat told Congress that he was going to Get Greenland “one way or another”. And the problem is that unlike Kumquat, JD actually believes a lot of this crap and is a fervent Christian who hates abortion, opposes gay marriage, believes that a woman’s main function on earth is to procreate and, in true Christian spirit, hates anyone who disagrees with him and is a mean son of a bitch. It is rare to find someone with no redeeming features, even politicians, but America has elected two of them. God help us all.

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We begin our survey of the week’s fashion follies at The Brits in London with singer Charli XCX wearing Dilara Findikoglu. 

Not only is there the impending menace of minge, but there is also a new and deeply disturbing concept, the faux panties! One fervently hopes that this is just passing fancy, as it were…

Next up, we have GMT presenter Sian Welby, wearing something really horrible.

There is a metal breast plate and a tinfoil skirt and, because the metal breast plate is made out of metal, it is picking up the colours of the carpet and reflecting the red, orange and yellow of the MasterCard logo which has the unfortunate effect of making her look as if she has been set alight. It is as if she is wearing the Versace hall of mirrors as fire sweeps through the palace.

And lastly, from the Brits, we have singer Teddy Swims wearing I know not what.

There is colourful and there is what the actual fuck is going on here? Teddy appears to have brought his kiddies’ toy cupboard with him and called it an outfit. Let’s hope that they were in bed and didn’t notice.

We now turn our attention to the Oscars with a mix of the red carpet at the ceremony and the Vanity Fair party which took place afterwards. Here is Oscar nominated best actress Ariana Grande (Wickd) wearing Schiaparelli.

Oh, enough already with the pink! She looks like Tinkerbell’s cottage. And please, please give that woman something to eat.

This is actor Goldie Hawn, one of the presenters at the ceremony, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Goldie is nearly 80, and her face betrays the curse of Hollywood, namely a lot of interference with the workings of nature. Why is it that men of that age are allowed to look like a crumpled blanket, whereas the women have to pretend to be young even when they patently are not? As for the dress, just because she was presenting an Oscar did not mean that she had to dress as one. And worryingly, that bodice is not up to the job and looks as though it is about to head south towards the Mexican border. Not so much Goldie Hawn as Goldie Hoick.

Now we have actor Jeremy Pope wearing Ergonlab.

Look. WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person, but this is Catwoman with a muffler. And that protuberance is disturbing.

Actor Whoopi Goldberg, wearing Christian Siriano.

For reasons best known to herself, Whoopi has come dressed as Darth Vader.

Actor Sarah Paulson wearing Marc Jacobs.

It seems that one cannot be too safety conscious these days but was it really necessary for Sarah to have a dress with its own built-in airbags? She looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame in scarlet.

One can always rely on singer Megan Thee Stallion to lower the tone. Here she is almost wearing something green…

If a barking tree frog went to a fancy dress party wearing nipple pasties, this is what it would look like.

This is another ensemble which full squarely into the category of that’s not even clothes. WTF speaks of actor Olivia Wilde, wearing Chloe. Mind yourself….

Oh please! A negligee and panties do not constitute a dress. WTF’s only satisfaction in surveying this mess is the thought of the pain Olivia must have suffered when removing the tit tape.

Oscar nominee for Best Actor Timothee Chalamet, wearing Givenchy.

If Charlie Chaplin had ever starred in a film about a lemon popsicle ……. Absolutely everything about this is annoying, from the stupid moustache, to the forward pose, to the horrible colour, to the bewildering fit of the trousers and  to the inexplicable and unforgivable choice of the black shoes. Just. Go. Away.

And finally… It’s her again. Julia Fox. There was  a period of about five minutes when she started going out fully dressed, but you just knew it wasn’t going to last. And it didn’t.

Bugger me, it’s Lady Godiva, relocated from Coventry to California.

This  week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Daniel from Stevenage, who was aghast at the news that the Governor of Wisconsin, Tony Evers, took it upon himself to reword part of a state bill about IVF and to substitute references to the word ‘ mother’ with ‘inseminated person’ On the other hand, the word ‘father’ has been replaced with the word ‘parent’. So the father is the parent of a child, whereas the woman who carries the child is an inseminated person. When do you stop being an inseminated person and start being a mother, if ever you do? Are we now to have Inseminated Person’s Day? There are many battles to fight on equality, but Daniel, with WTF in full support, does not characterise this as one of the most important. It’s Got to Go.

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week please keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go as well as your comments, which WTF much enjoys. You can follow me on @Wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x