Joni Mitchell once sang ‘don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’. You have to say that she was right on the nail. Although Boris Johnson has not actually gone, he is going. And despicable and mendacious as he is, he is starting to look like Gladstone and Disraeli combined when you consider the shower of shit lined up to replace him. As an up yours to his Party, his Government and his Cabinet who wanted him out, it is sweet revenge because the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom will redefine the word ghastly.
There have already had two rounds of voting by Tory MPs which has left them with the following choices: Rishi Sunak, the overgrown school prefect in overpriced sneakers who was Chancellor until last week; Liz Truss, still Foreign Secretary, and dimmer than a dead light bulb; Kemi Badenoch, the Anti-Woke-Warrior of whom no one had heard until a few days ago, a state of blissful ignorance to which we hope fervently to return; Penny Mordaunt, a cut price Margaret Thatcher without the brain who is also a barefaced liar; and Tom Tugendhat, who was a Lieutenant-Colonel in the Territorial Army but who has never held Government office. Grant Shapps and Savid Javid failed to get enough votes even to get on the ballot and Jeremy Hunt and Nadim Zahawi bit the dust in Round One. Thursday was made more bearable by the elimination of Suella Braverman, the Attorney-General who is so anti -European that if she bit you, you would immediately need to undergo a double dose of rabies treatment. Had she ever made it to number 10 Downing St, WTF would have emigrated to Outer Mongolia.
The remaining runners and riders are now vying with each other to be the one to cut taxes the most, ship the maximum number of people off to Rwanda on a one way ticket, slap political correctness in the face and pretend they had never been anywhere in the proximity of Boris Johnson. Never mind that two of them sat in his Cabinet defending his every transgression and two of them were junior ministers in his Government. Listen to them and you would think that they had been on the Opposition Benches since 2010. Only Tugendhat has the twin advantages of never having been in government and having been openly critical of Johnson. But it does not change the fact that he shares many of the views of his rivals and, like the others save for Sunak, is busy promising tax cuts galore with no indication of how they will be paid for.
Mordaunt might be the favourite but she is more ghastly than the rest of them. In the 19th Century, a penny dreadful was cheap serialised popular literature, usually a murder mystery. In the 21st Century, Penny Dreadful is pitching herself as the love child of Boudica and Lord Nelson with a side order of Pinocchio. During the Brexit Referendum, Penny Dreadful not only posed proudly by the side of the infamous bus promising £350m a week for the NHS but repeatedly asserted that the UK would be overrun by zillions of Turks who were about to join the EU which Britain could not veto. This is what is known as a barefaced lie but she is still unrepentant and has refused to retract what she then said. She has not only done a volte face on trans people, but she now claims she never supported self-identification. This is another lie. We would therefore be swapping one liar and fantasist for another; and worse still, her campaign is being run by the appalling Andrea Loathsome, whose own run for Leader crumbled when she misspoke about Theresa May being childless and when it emerged that her CV would put Fancy McFanciful to shame. Since it was lies and fantasies that did for Boris Johnson, one can only ask what on earth is the point of all this nonsense? Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…..
We start our review of the week’s comedy clothing with dancer and singer Julianne Hough out and about wearing who even knows what this is.
As you know, Readers, WTF hates a one-armed garment on a two-armed person almost above all things. And when she first saw this, she thought Julianne was wearing a truss. (Not Liz Truss – the medical support device.) Did someone die before they’d finished knitting this? Or did they just give up in disgust? She looks like a half-shorn sheep.
And now to Rome for Haute Couture Week, kicking off with more shocking pink from Valentino, this time on Oscar-winning actors Anne Hathaway and Ariana DeBose.
They resemble a couple of peonies blooming happily in warm sunshine, but they have both forgotten their skirts. WTF’s chief indignation, however, is at the horrific horses’ hooves on their feet. How ugly are those shoes? And how do you walk in them?
Meet actor and singer-songwriter Nat Wolff , also wearing Valentino.
It isn’t shocking pink, for which much thanks. But it isn’t clothes either. It’s a pyjama top. End of. These ones from Gant are a lot cheaper…..
Here is actor Emma Watson wearing Schiaparelli.
Not to be critical – Heaven forfend! -but what the actual fuck is going on here? That is one of the most ludicrous jackets that WTF ever did see in her life and she has seen a few. The humungous shoulders in contrast with the gamine Emma’s little leggies, combined with the generally nautical air, would make you think this is Popeye’s nemesis Bluto. Ahoy there!
She’s back! It’s Rita Ora, also wearing Schiaparelli.
Ouch! The men in white coats are on standby to intervene with Schiaparelli’s head designer, Texan-born Daniel Rosebery, who appears to have gone stark staring mad. Rita’s trousers don’t fit but the main culprit is the bralet, which seems to be doing horrible things to her tits like a bejewelled cheese slicer.
Next up is fashionista and blogger Chiara Ferragni wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.
Speaking of stark staring mad…..? You can see her gusset! Here is a WTF rule. Gussets should never be on view. If a corsetière went to a fancy dress party as a character from One Flew over the Cookoo’s Nest, this is what she would look like.
Finally, welcome back Zara Phillips, daughter of Princess Anne and 21st in line to the Throne. She is at her half-sister’s wedding wearing a foul dress by Zimmerman with Valentino pumps and a stupid hat.
English women really do not know to dress for weddings, do they? Why has she got a pair of rabbit’s ears on her head? As for the alleged dress, is she trying to upstage the bride? This is too short but it is also just a really nasty garment, buttoned to the neck like Queen Victoria and very tight around the titties. Worst of all, it looks cheap although it costs £2,082. That’s a lot to pay to look like Jade from Casualty.
Talking of Royalty, this week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF (well, it is my blog) who, like a large part of the Nation, was very concerned to see little Prince George in a suit and tie at the Wimbledon Men’s Final last Sunday.
What nonsense is this? It was 3o+ degrees and the poor thing was forced to swelter in formal attire. He is eight years old, for Heaven’s sake. Sod the rules. Women in the Royal Box do not have to wear a suit and tie, or even long sleeves, so why should men? And why should kids have to abide by the rules for adults? Let him wear a shirt and chinos like every other kid. It is a blessing he did not get heat stroke. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending your splendid comments as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x
As ever WTF, laugh out loud. Thank you! I literally said WTF when I saw Emma Watson. The Incredible Hulk would be proud of that upper body… Hope you are well and take care.