Hallo Readers,

Well, Michael Gove, let that be a lesson for you. No-one likes a turncoat. No-one likes a back-stabber, or for that matter, a front-stabber. No-one likes a double back-stabber, or for that matter, a double front-stabber. No-one likes a candidate whose campaign manager sends out manipulative emails about one of your rivals, urging people to vote against her. Not even in the Tory Party. Your piece has been removed from the Board. You actually got fewer votes in the second round for Leader of the Tory Party (and therefore Prime Minister) than you did in the first round. No-one likes you. Or your horrible wife with her delusions of grandeur. You have both been aptly punished for your duplicity and a period of silence on your part will be very welcome.

Which leaves two final competitors, Theresa May, the long-term Home Secretary and Andrea Leadsom, who has only been an MP since 2010, who has bolted out of nowhere and is not even in the Cabinet. May was nominally a Remainer, although she did precious little to convey it to the populace. Leadsom was an open Leaver which raised her profile, although to be fair, her profile was pretty subterranean before the Referendum campaign.  May exudes experience. Leadsom’s CV claimed a great deal of experience in her 25-year career in investment banking, much of which appears to be, to say the very least, exaggerated. She claimed to have been a Financial Investment Director for Barclays. She was not. She was a Deputy. She claimed to have been Managing Director of her brother-in-law’s hedge fund. She was not. She was the Marketing Director. She claimed to have been an investment manager for a fund management firm for 10 years. In fact she held an investment licence for only 3 months, which means that she was not an investment manager for the other 9 years and 9 months. She and Grant Shapps must have got on like a house on fire. Admittedly truth is not a prized asset in British political life – £350m a week on the Health Service post-Brexit, anyone? Or impending World War Three post-Brexit? – but if the future Prime Minister cannot be straightforward about her past, it does raise questions about her stewardship of the future. To WTF anyway.

WTF is not a fan of either candidate but Leadsom is just scary, a humourless automaton who has been told to smile, an opponent of gay marriage, a proponent of abolishing maternity rights for employees in small business, a woman who looked her interviewer in the eye and said of the (inevitable) fall in sterling against the dollar to an almost record low, that it was good for exports. The fact that Leadsom is pro-Brexit is not of itself enough to qualify her as Prime Minister.  But just as Corbyn has lost most of his Parliamentary colleagues but is loved in the wider Party, it could be that Leadsom is loved in the wider Party even though most of her Parliamentary colleagues prefer her opponent. She will play well in the shires. Although how the hell do the supporters of someone who has bigged up her credentials as a top City Slicker claim that she is the anti-establishment candidate? Just when you feel that politics could not get any sillier…..

So is WTF agog with excitement that Britain is to have a second female PM? No. Why should she be? We have already had one, Heaven help us. And look how that turned out. Neither strikes WTF as a feminist. We will know that we have achieved equality when no-one remarks on the gender of the PM but rather on what they believe and on what they do.

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We dive headlong into the week’s sartorial slurry with WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy at the premiere of The Legend of Tarzan wearing CC Couture.

Three words – Des. Per. Rate. Three more words. Shit fake tan. Final three words. Just go away.

This is WWE wrestler, actor and American TV personality John Cena wearing a lot of checked fabric.

It is not just that the checked suit is as lairy as anything WTF ever did see in her life but that the trousers are folded over the crotch like a penis peplum. Yurgle.

Here is rapper Lil Kim wearing Ralph & Russo at their haute couture show in Paris.

Lil’ Kim is weird, we know, but shimmering pantyhose with a swimsuit and fuck-me sandals is another thing altogether. The coat is very pretty. But it needs something underneath it. Like clothes.

This is former Cabinet Minister and TV pundit Michael Portillo, wearing something painful to the eyeballs.

Twitter erupted last Thursday when Michael appeared on the late night political discussion programme This Week dressed in a neon green shirt and a pair of red trousers the same colour as the sofa he was sat upon. It was variously suggested that he resembled a watermelon, a Christmas elf, a garden gnome and a tropical fruit but all were unanimous that (i) he looked like a total prat and (ii) he was giving viewers a migraine. 

Now, pointless celebrity heiress and DJ, Paris Hilton in Ibiza.

Paris seems to have re-invented the concept of the Golden Shower. WTF has been having nightmares about this one….

Then there is Orange Is The New Black‘s Danielle Brooks, aka Taystee, wearing PLY.

This season’s OITNB was brilliant (Taystee, Tovah and Poussey particularly so) and WTF loves Danielle like anything but she does not love her enough to want to see her bra. She looks as if she has pulled a pair of tights over her head….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Helen who complains about the ridiculous stripy effect of too much highlighter. Her rant needs no editing. The awful sequel to last year’s trend for Picasso-esque contouring. Bad enough that Instagram is now full of people making themselves up like a Cullen,**  it is now appearing in real life. Girls everywhere who have covered their entire faces with too much gleaming mica, only to look like sweaty, iridescent waxworks. Your face is not a disco ball. Less is more.

** (an immortal vampire)