WTF Bears Defecate in Areas Full Of Trees Special

Hallo Readers,

This week brought news so shocking that Britain will never be the same again. Counselling is being offered to those affected. Black arm bands are being worn.  It turns out that our Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, lied to none other than Her Majesty the Queen. Three Caledonian Appeal Judges took the view that in telling the Head of State that Parliament needed to be prorogued to allow for the Queens speech, when in reality he was doing it to avoid scrutiny of his handling, if that is the right word, which it manifestly is not, of Brexit, whether with a deal or without, power had been exercised for an improper purpose. The Courts do not tend to judge whether a political decision is a good idea or a bad idea – but they are entitled to intervene if the exercise of that power is undermining the democratic process. In this, the Court of Session differed from their English legal brethren, who had taken the view that Johnsons political shenanigans were not the business of the judiciary. And so the Supreme Court will wheel out its finest English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Justices on Tuesday to decide the matter. Stand by for the usual onslaught from the popular press about Oxbridge toffs, and snobs who like French cheese, a good Burgundy, and holidays in Tuscany. Remoaners the lot of them…..

Of course, Johnsons penchant for telling porky pies is more a case of do bears shit in the woods rather than man bites dog. It runs through him like a stick of Brighton Rock. He has lied to his wives, his editors and his party leader. He told the British People that if we left the EU, there would be £350 million a week to lavish on the NHS. Frankly, it would have been more of a shock had he told Her Majesty the truth. Everyone knew what he was doing and why he was doing it  – indeed, Leavers were hopping around with undisguised glee at his cunning, as if suffering from advanced St Vituss Dance. Our Queen may not have gone to university, and she may have produced four children with the collective IQ of a root vegetable, but she is no fool. She knew exactly what Johnson was playing at, but having kept the Monarchy on track all this time, she was not, at the age of 93, about to embark on a new practice of provoking a constitutional crisis. Nor did she need to, because  Johnson, aided and abetted by his henchman, the dreadful little Moggy, and the rebarbative Dominic Cummings, is more than capable of provoking one himself. 

Her Majesty’s ancestor, Queen Elizabeth I, would have been less forgiving of such insolence. Johnson would have been hanged, drawn and quartered, his goolies separated from his person, and his innards removed and put on public display to show the proles what happens when a citizen is minded to get arsey. Now when you screw up and let your Sovereign down, you get to go to the House of Lords, should you so wish, and dole out peerages like sweeties to your equally failed friends, where they are rewarded for making a total ballsup with a nice £300 a day for attending the House of Lords and a slap-up lunch…..


We start our review of the weeks sartorial slurry with actress Shailene Woodley wearing Louis Vuitton.

Oh dear. Oh very dear. Superwoman goes skateboarding. And did LV run out of time before they could finish the bodice?

We are off to Toronto for the Film Festival, and the premiere of some new rubbish called Hustlers starring, amongst others, JLo. Here she is wearing Maison Yeya and a new blonde bob.

If Big Bird from Sesame Street went to a film premiere in a ball gown and sexy sandals, and got run over en route, this is what he would look like.

And this is JLOs co-star Constance Wu ,wearing Georges Hobeika.

Georges Hobeika, why have you put poor Constance into this teeny-weeny imminent Minge Moment with a massive bow? And why did you not take all that fabric for the bow and make it into a skirt?

Actor Ansel Elgort was out and about in New York City, looking like a knob.

Those are not proper trousers. There is no fly. These are toddler trousers….

Next to the DKNY bash at New York Fashion Week, where we find singer Halsey wearing DKNY.

If there is one thing WTF hates almost above all things, it is a crotch curtain. There also appears to be some skimpage around the chest. Appalled onlookers were left worrying which bit or bits of Halsey, tattooed or otherwise, they would suddenly be eyeballing.

And now two stinkers at the Harpers Bazaar Icons party. First, actress Lily Collins wearing Georges Hobeika,].

Oh Lord. It isn’t even a nice colour – a mulch-hued leotard under a beaded fly curtain. Kill me now.

And also there was actress Dascha Polanco wearing Bronx and Banco.

WTF is beginning to think that Dascha is doing this on purpose. How terrible is this? It is like the Sandeman Port chap gone pervy.

Ah! Lil Kim. Bless her.

Lil Kim is dressed as a bale of hay in ripped boots and a bondage belt. The whole thing is weirder than weird, most notably because Lil Kims head appears to have no relation to the bale of hay. Is she standing behind it?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sumarumi from Wales who has directed us to these alleged trousers from Pretty Little Thing.

First of all these are not trousers – she is just wrapped in cling film like an item ready for to be popped into the freezer. Second, if there is a more unflattering garment ever in the history of ever, WTF is glad she missed it. And it seems to be an ensemble with a matching cling film jacket. Hideous, and then some. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

This entry was posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Harper's Bazaar ICONS, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Queen's Speech, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to WTF Bears Defecate in Areas Full Of Trees Special

  1. Darling, this horror sharpens your pencil no end. The single sadness when this Brexit filth is concluded is your commentary might get a teeny bit softer and I might laugh a teeny bit less. Currently, rib-crackingly funny, keep it up! Oh, and the fashion stuff is great too. xx

  2. quixote
    quixote says:

    Just found your site via Anya Palmer. Laughing myself silly and trying to catch my breath long enough to comment!

Leave a ReplyCancel reply