wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

So this is where we are.

Andy Burnham was not even elected at the General Election two years ago, but he is about to become Prime Minister without even going through any sort of contest. And we still have very little, if any, idea what he stands for and how he will implement it. Meanwhile, the leaks, the backstabbing and the counter-briefing has already started, particularly as to the choice of his new Chancellor, with Burnham set to snub the left wing’s choice of Ed Miliband in favour of Shabana Mahmood, the current Home Secretary; a woman with little, if any, financial or economic experience. It seems that we are going down the American route, where people manifestly unqualified for a role get appointed into it because, in the end, it is loyalty that counts rather than knowledge or experience. Burnham’s honeymoon period will probably last about as long as England’s lead over Argentina on Wednesday.

Elsewhere, it is apparently acceptable to mock the murder of a 78-year-old woman who was beaten to death in her own home by a man whose motives are, at present, unknown. WTF was no fan of Ann Widdecombe, but no one deserves that, whatever their views. Never mind banning social media for the under eighteens – perhaps we should extend it to everyone. As well as the viciousness and violence of the rhetoric introduced into public life by the obscene confluence in 2016 of the Rancid Kumquat and the Brexit debate, it is now de rigeur to piss all over people both during their life and after their death. Even on Bluesky, which was supposed to be the nice person’s version of X. It is one thing to express disagreement with a person’s views or conduct; nor is it necessary to be obsequious, as we were expected to be at the death of Charlie Kirk, when even quoting the man’s own words was seen to be seditious, heartless and unacceptable. But it is quite another thing to celebrate a murder, or to imply that the deceased had it coming. This is, by the way, the third sitting or former MP to meet a violent death in the last 10 years. And that does not seem to be a coincidence.

Over in the United States, it is now expected of candidates for high government office to appear before the Senate and answer the question, “who won the 2020 election?” with the answer “Joe Biden secured the necessary Electoral College votes”, or “Joe Biden was sworn in as President”. And this includes people nominated as Federal judges and, this week, the man applying to be Director of National Intelligence; which at this point is looking like an oxymoron. The nominee for Attorney General is the President’s former lawyer and he gave sworn evidence at his confirmation hearing that he saw nothing wrong with the President directing that his political enemies should be prosecuted. These people know they have to lie to get the job; the Senators interviewing them for that job know that they are lying, and they themselves keep silent about the lies. Meanwhile, corruption flourishes as the President and his family grow richer and richer, their fingers in every profitable pie. And talking of corruption, the week began with the second tranche of the report into how the UK handled Covid. This one was about the PPE contracts, where a staggering £10 billion was wasted on useless equipment, two-thirds of the money spent. People died because they did not have the right equipment because the equipment supplied to them was manufactured by people whose only qualification for their multi-million-pound- contracts was that they were a mate, or a mate of a mate, of somebody in Parliament who could put in a word for them.

There are weeks where the only rational response to what is going on around us is to weep. And this is one of those weeks.

***************************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s ghastly garb with celebritee Lauren Goodger, out and about filming TOWIE, to which she has returned.

Fake hair, fake tan, fake face, and the last time WTF saw lips like that was when she was at the fishmonger. Lauren is falling out of her top and is also a walking embodiment of one of WTF’s basic rules, namely the larger the leg, the shorter the skirt or shorts. Not that these are shorts. They are underwear, and judging by the creasage around the crotch, they are either several sizes too small for Lauren or Lauren is several sizes too large for them. In the meantime, Call for the Canesten!!

Here is actor and comedian Whoopi Goldberg at the première of the Whoopi Monologues in New York.

What the actual fuck is this? Why is she dressed as Mother Theresa of Calcutta?

The Odyssey is still on its odyssey around the world, and has now reached New York for the US première. Here is actor Charlize Theron, wearing Dior.

The original version of this had a long skirt, but in order to show off what the Daily Mail still insists on calling her shapely pins, the skirt was shortened into frilly shorts under the capacious bow thingy, thus turning this into a couture romper suit.

And following the baby theme was actor Zendaya, who is also in the movie, wearing Louis Vuitton.

This looks like a baby’s bonnet, and her bellybutton is showing where a little cute face would normally be on view. And then she has used baby’s christening robe as a skirt.

Now we go to the ESPYs, which are the American Awards for sporting achievement, both for teams and individuals. This is US Olympic ice-dancer Madison Chock, (holder of two gold medals), wearing Christian Siriano. 

It seems to have been made from the fluff that gathers in the filter in your tumbledryer. WTF is all for recycling, but this is ridiculous. And she has a deep dislike for the minge peephole.

We are now in Paris for the end of Fashion Week, where we find actor and singer Jennifer Lopez, wearing Zuhair Murad.

Since splitting up with fourth husband Ben Affleck, Jen has had her boobs augmented so that they now look like a pair of shiny round footballs. Tits are not supposed to look like a pair of shiny round footballs, but there we are. The jacket is pretty, apart from the stupid bow, but the alleged skirt is formed from knotted whips, and she is at risk of being whipped to death like St Agatha of Siciliy, were she to do a sudden twirl.

Also in Paris was actor Lily Collins wearing St Laurent to the launch of the next series of Emily in Paris.

Oh, for Heaven’s Sake. That is not even clothes. It reminds WTF of the scene in one of her favourite movies, Ruthless People, where Danny de Vito is visited at work by his mistress Carol. She says that she is bringing him his birthday present – at which point, she slips off her coat to reveal far more fetching undies than the ones sported by Lily here, and lolls seductively on his desk. Questions must also be asked about Lily’s hideous shoes, with their stupid pointy tips like a spare pair of stilettos.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington. Engerland did not make it to Sunday’s final. Which means that football is not coming home. Again. Sir Keir will not fly to New Jersey for the Final, and he will not have the chance to tell the Rancid Kumquat to get stuffed, just before handing the keys of No. 10 over to Andy Burnham. And we are not getting a Bank Holiday to celebrate our victory because we are not going to be victorious. 

SO – the next time we are either in the Euros or the World Cup, can we just dial down the expectation? It’s tiresome. It’s the hope that kills you. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x