A very Happy Christmas to you all and Happy Holidays and WTF hopes you are all having a perfectly wonderful day. This is the first time that the Christmas Turkey has actually come out on Christmas Day and WTF is as excited as can be. If that is not the definition of serendipity, what is?
What you have here are 20 appalling fashion disasters from the last 6 months (since the WTF Summer Stinker 2015) and it is your task, dear Readers, to vote for as many of them as you like and, if you wish, to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes. There is none of that single transferable vote malarkey here – just go for it.
This year WTF has been strict and eliminated those people who are not actually wearing clothes at all – yes, you, Bai Ling as we have all had more than enough of seeing your lady-parts. Bai Ling joins TOWIE’s Bobby Norris, he of the cock sock, on the banned list. But there is horror in abundance awaiting you and all of the trends that WTF has railed against since the blog began – sheer fabrics showing your knickers, tits popping out like exploding grenades, men in ridiculous little jackets and too-short trousers that have had an argument with their ankles. It is all just terribly, terribly, terrible and it shows absolutely no sign of stopping.
OK Readers. Brace yourself. Here are the 20 candidates for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2015.
1. Alan Cumming, actor, wearing Vivienne Westwood.
Alan Cumming is in every Summer Stinker and Christmas Turkey Poll and this is why. Fine from the waist up, Charlie Chaplin from the waist down with the crotch at knee level. That must be the longest fly zip ever.
2. Britney Spears, singer, wearing Labourjoisie.
Tinkerbell with tits and tummy. One is forced to conclude that Britney needed to take a size up. In fact, several sizes.
3. Ceelo Green, singer, wearing who knows what.
As WTF remarked at the time, if a barrel of gold bullion went to a pyjama party in sunglasses, this is what it would look like….
4. Charlotte Dawson, Z lister, wearing ReneK Couture and hideous Louboutins.
Charlotte is the daughter of the late comedian Les Dawson but this horrific concoction was absolutely no laughing matter. Put your minge away, love, no one wants to see it. And throw those hooves in the bin.
5. Frankie Grande, actor and Instagram Personality, wearing who knows what.
WTF abhors violence but when you look at Frankie with his bulging lycra lunchbox, his golden chest and his multicoloured quiff, a slap is the only response of all right thinking people.
6. Gwen Stefani, singer, wearing Yousef Al-Jasmi.
Newly divorced from husband Gavin, who had been having it away with the nanny, Gwen took to the Red Carpet doing that “showing-him-what-he’s-missing” thing and looking like a translucent bat.
8. Jaime King, actress, wearing Monse.
This is a bizarre combination of a shirt for a giant, an ironing board, a bedsheet and a straitjacket. It is just about the weirdest dress that WTF ever did see in her life.
9. Jane Fonda, actress, wearing Balmain.
If you scroll down slowly, Jane looks great until you get to the voluminous, frilly pantaloons, resembling a Victorian doll. Just really bad.
9. Jeremy Scott, designer, wearing, er, Jeremy Scott.
Jeremy attended the Video Music Awards dressed as a Circus Ringmaster who had forgotten his shirt. Preposterous.
10. Jessica Stam, supermodel, wearing Francesco Scognamiglio.
Scognamiglio is a pest, designing über-sheer outfits that flatter no one. Jessica is protecting her modesty with a tit-garland and little black panties but the whole thing is an outrage.
11. Kim Kardashian, pointless celebrity, wearing Givenchy.
Kim and Givenchy are a lethal combination, like ammonia and vinegar. What is particularly galling is that Kim clearly thinks she looks klassy. Which she does not.
12. Miley Cyrus, singer, wearing Versace.
Yurgle. A chandelier with braces is not an outfit. It just isn’t. Even if you add dreadlocks and silver thigh-high boots.
13. Naomi Grossman, actress, wearing Jun Escada.
Naomi came to the Emmys dressed as a Friesian cow with visible bellybutton (which WTF hates almost above all things) and earrings the size of dinner plates.
14. Naomi Watts, actress, wearing Faustino Puglisi.
What this supposed to be is anyone’s guess, but there is something very Wilma Flintstone about the green overlay skirt which has, unaccountably, been teamed with a perfectly nice lace black lace dress.
15. Rita Ora, singer and X Factor judge, wearing Emilio Pucci.
Like Alan Cumming, Rita is a permanent fixture in these polls. Frankly almost anything she wore in 2015 merited inclusion but this combination of floral miniskirt and boots was a real shocker. As WTF remarked at the time, those boots look like the decorated tentpoles in a wedding marquee.
16. Salma Hayek, actress, wearing Bottega Veneta.
This is unforgivable on almost every level. First, Salma’s husband owns bloody Bottega Veneta and so you would think she could have her pick of their collection. Second, it is unflattering. Third, the whole thing is ugly, like a rolled up surplus army tent worn with stupid sandals.
17. Shaun Ross, model, wearing Henrik Vibskov.
Shaun hit the Red Carpet dressed as an extra from Game of Thrones with white Birkenstocks. Ghastly.
18. Sofia Hayat, actress, wearing bondage.
Her tits have got their own Batman mask. And she looks poised to get her whip out and do someone serious damage with it.
19. V Bozeman, singer and actress, wearing Zana Bayne.
V appears to be wearing a leather chastity belt and matching bra-harness. As WTF remarked at the time, a sadomasochist’s wet dream.
20. Z LaLa, wannabe, wearing who knows what.
She gets points for being covered up. But she loses points for being covered up a giant iridescent octopus costume and silly hat.
OK Readers. Get voting! A Happy New Year to you all and let us meet again, with the results of the Poll, on 8 January 2016. Be good x
But they are ALL so bad!!!
Its 5,46 am and I am trying to control my uncontrollable laughter. The neighbours may wake up.
I voted for Jeremy Scott because, as a designer and a man who doesn’t have to flash his privates in order to get attention, he should know better. Also, I work in TV transmission and we HATE seeing colour bars where they have no business being; they give us all a fright.
Oh lord – what a choice. Sorry WTF, you made it so difficult that I ticked them all I think, but if you put a gun to my head I’d have to squeal No 5 – Frankie. Please have him put down.
Alan Cummings presents a challenge. I can’t fault anyone for channeling Charlie Chaplin. Mr. Chaplin was a visionary who helped turn one of Thomas Edison’s more gimmicky inventions into an art form. Overall, I kind of like it. Of course Mr. Chaplin didn’t wear the Little Tramp costume outside the studio. [On a related note, Mr. Edison’s home and workshop in West Orange, New Jersey have been turned into a museum run by the National Park Service (http://www.nps.gov/edis/index.htm). If your travel plans keep you in the New York City area you might consider crossing the river.]
Frankie Grande would be the hands-down number one choice but he is disqualified by the fact that this was the MTV Music Video Awards and they don’t let you in unless you are wearing something stupid.
Charlotte Dawson’s minge was the first thing I noticed about her outfit. Fifty-seven years of civilization don’t hold a candle against millions of years of evolutionary programming.
The octopus girl. Is there a space for her feet that I can’t see or do they just pick her up and carry her?
Shaun Ross looks to be my choice. I used to have pajamas just like that. I think Mom has pictures of me wearing them. Of course I was two years old at the time.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone.