It is that time of the year when you, dear Readers, get to choose which one of the following fashion atrocities will have the dubious honour of being accorded the title of the Summer Stinker 2014. You can check out the 2013 Summer Stinker here. What follows are 20 perfectly horrible pictures, some of which might cause you to run screaming into the street or to seek the assistance of healthcare professionals. WTF’s selection is set out in chronological order and no preference on her part is intended simply because someone is numbered 1, 10 or 20.
All you have to do is to is to vote for as many of the candidates as you choose and to do so before 11 59 GMT on Thursday 26 June 2014. Vote early and vote often and make sure all your friends and relations do the same. The winner will be announced in the blog on 27 June 2014.
Ready? Here we go….
1. Paula Patton, actress, wearing Mireille Dagher.
Paula wore this is to a pre-Grammys party. Whilst everything about it is ghastly (including some very dodgy armpits) the worst part is the way that it makes her breasts look flatter than a couple of Scotch pancakes.
2. Lady Victoria Hervey, Pointless Celebrity, wearing Gaurav Gupta.
One of the Minge Moments of the year. She looks as if she had rolled in tar in a pair of footless tights. Lady Victoria is the sort of person who makes you think warmly of the French Revolution.
3. Pharrell Williams, Singer, wearing Lanvin (accompanied by his wife Helen Lasichanh who looks fine).
From the knees up, Pharrell looks great. It is just that we should not be able to see his knees. Or for that matter, his calves or his ankles. He looks like a boy scout in a tuxedo.
4. Liza Minnelli, Proper Film Star, wearing Halston Heritage.
There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to wear a bra. In Liza’s case, that was around 1990. Questions also have to be asked about the blue smurf coiffeure.
5. Jessica White, Model, wearing Nicholas Jebran.
This would have been fine had she been appearing in pantomime in Preston. The problem is that she wasn’t. She was at Elton John’s Oscars Party.
6. Paris Hilton, Pointless Celebrity, wearing Haus of Milani.
Having been eclipsed by the Kardashians, Paris has had to resort to Minge Moments to get anyone to notice her at all. Like this one.
7. Mel B, former Spice Girl and Talent Show Judge, wearing Walter Mendez.
In case you needed an excuse not to watch X Factor, Mel will be joining the Judges this summer so start planning Saturday Nights out. As for the dress, it gives us not only a Minge Moment and a Thigh Moment but also full view of some very plastic looking tits.
8. Kelly Rowland, Singer, wearing Houghton.
Kelly has a fabulous figure but no-one could carry off this capacious ensemble made out of recycled trash bags and worn with bunion – inducing pointy pewter pumps.
9. Khloe Kardashian, Pointless Celebrity, wearing Who Knows What.
10. Lauren Goodger, Pointless Celebrity and former TOWIE “star” wearing Dolls’ House.
As WTF remarked at the time, this is the worst £170 ever spent. Lauren is continually banging on about her weight and yet shrink-wraps herself in this translucent onesie giving appalled onlookers a close-up 0f her large bottom. Just go away.
11. Rumer Willis, Celebrity Daughter, wearing Franzsika Fox.
The good news is that she is wearing pink panties. The bad news is that you can see them – but only after worrying what it is you’re looking at. But with famous parents (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) and no talent, what else does the poor girl have to offer?
is really is a pussy pelmet, like curtains over an alcove in a tart’s boudoir. But much worse are the see-through trousers with encrusted Minge. What possessed her?
13. Susie Elelman, Australian Broadcaster, wearing Who Knows What.
Susie is in her 60’s and looks terrific. However, that does not mean that we wish to see so much of her and the dress with its Lion King-logo bodice is quite, quite hideous.
14. Martha Stewart, Lifestyle Guru and former jailbird, wearing Who Knows What at the Time 100 Gala.
Martha’s get-up is reminiscent of the clobber worn by American Footballers. WTF is not a fan of American Football which, as she remarked at the time, appears to be an activity principally composed of men the size of buildings running into each other with maximum prejudice, like Game of Thrones without the sex. And as if that were not bad enough, the sock line on the calves is unforgivable.
15. Sandra Lee, Celebrity Chef and Partner of the Governor of New York, wearing Dara Lamb.
No, she is not at her wedding but at the Met Gala, the Fashion Event of the year. The only thing preventing her dress looking too bridal is the meat-and-two-veg silk genitalia cascading down the front. Shudder.
16. Actress Rose MacGowan wearing Ulyana Sergeenko.
Rose wore this to meet President Obama at the White House. Yes, really. It looks as if she twisted the dress round in order to zip it up and then was unable to twist it back again. And what’s with the bustier?
17. Jamie Anderson, Olympic Gold Medallist Snowboarder, wearing Who Knows What.
Jamie wore this to meet President Obama at the White House. Yes, really. As WTF aficionado Trevor remarked, she looks like she’s come out in a hurry. Really, really bad.
18. Di Mondo, preposterous Chilean-born fashionista wearing Who Knows What.
WTF Indeed. A bejewelled face mask? Readers were asked to decide if (i) he was worried about a sagging chin (ii) he was on a diet or (iii) he was just a prat. You have probably guessed which answer 99% of them chose….
19. Rita Ora, Singer and ubiquitous Celebrity, wearing Jaime Lee.
Frankly, almost anything Rita wore over the last 6 months could have qualified for inclusion but this frothy concoction, complete with sparkles and Minge Fringe and worn with My Little Pony hair, was particularly bad.
20. Bobby Norris, pointless TOWIE celebrity, on the beach in Marbella wearing (??) Inderwear. Careful now…put down any hot drinks or sharp implements…
Bobby’s partner Harry Derbidge was wearing a white version of this thing-thong but Bobby’s is worse because (i) his tan line is ridiculous (ii) he hasn’t waxed properly and (iii) he has matched his cocksock to his cocktail. Plus extra minus points for the eyebrows. Yurgle.
OK Readers – get voting! Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x