wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

WTF went to bed last night without writing the rant in order to see where the land lay  in the local council elections in England when she woke up; but actually, she could have written it last night and stayed in bed this morning, because it is turning out to be as bad as everyone thought it would be, and worse. And it is only 9 am. Very bad for Labour. Very bad for Keir Starmer. Very bad for the Tories. Very bad for the UK, which has gone all Make Britain Ghastly Again, and has voted for Reform at the expense of Labour and the Tories. To date, Labour has lost over 258 seats, (including all of them in Wigan, all to Reform), the Tories have lost over 158 seats. Reform are up 350 seats to date, and have just won their first London Council in Havering. And that is just England. Heaven knows what awaits us in Wales. Scotland is unlikely to embrace Reform, but it will not be rushing towards Labour either. And we are being treated to the smug celebrations of Nigel Farage and Richard Tice and some failed Tory arseholes who defected to the party while heaping obloquy on the previous Tory Government, conveniently ignoring the fact that they were part of that Government. Remember all the right-leaning papers which raged about Lord Ali ponying up a few thousand quid to buy Starmer some new specs and Lady Starmer some frocks from Me+Em, and Rachel Reeves getting some free Taylor Swift tickets? Strangely, those papers have been silent about Farage pocketing £5,000,000 as a personal gift from a British-born, Thai-based, crypto-currency billionaire, not to mention the sums which the same bloke has lavished on Reform. We are told that the money was for Farage’s security, after a milkshake was thrown at him on the election trail, not that it has encouraged him to hold regular constituency surgeries, or to pop into Westminster; he has been far too busy dashing around the world, earning up to £2,000,000 a year and extolling the virtues of, er, crypto-currency. And never under-estimate the power of old-fashioned racism and Islamophobia. It worked a treat for the Rancid Kumquat and it is working a treat for this lot.

But here is the thing, Readers. The voters despise the Tories, but they really hate Starmer. They are fed up with uncontrolled immigration. They are fed up with rising costs. They are fed up with NHS and local authority housing waiting lists, both of which they perceive as linked to uncontrolled immigration. They are fed up with crumbling schools. They are fed up with the fact that our Navy seems to have only one aircraft carrier which can barely make it as far as Cyprus, let alone repel international enemies various. They are fed up with the constant U-turns. They are fed up with endless scandals. They are fed up with the constant sackings of people close to Starmer because of things for which Starmer has responsibility They are fed up, period. They were promised an end to scandals and some grown-up Government. And they are still waiting for it.

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Our review of the week’s clothing colostomy bag is from the Met Gala in New York, sponsored by the appalling  Jeff Bezos, who has millions to lavish on his tax-free charitable endeavours and concominant ascendancy amongst the New York glitterati. Not that it has stopped him laying off staff  left and right, despite being richer than Croesus. Obviously, the clothes are not meant to be worn outside the fantasy of the Bezos-wet-dream that was the Met Gala 2026, and its theme of Costume Art, but even so…. some of them were nonsensical and a few were plain offensive. So have a receptacle on standby and the number of a mental health professional on speed dial. Off we go….. starting with singer Katy Perry, wearing Stella McCartney.

The dress has pretty elements, although it is a bit starched napkin in the bodice and very tablecloth in the train. Katy was famously shot into space for about ten minutes in the company of Mrs Bezos, aka pneumatic construct Lauren Sanchez, and other famous ladies, and presumably she kept her helmet as a souvenir. If an astronaut went to a fancy dress party as a fencer in a ballgown, this is what she would look like.

Vogue Global Editor- at-large Hamish Bowles, wearing Charles Jeffrey.

According to Hamish’s Instagram, the design was based on the “amazing 16th century drawings of ancient Pict warriors who covered their bodies in drawings of snarling beasts and birds. These elements were taken and incorporated into an 1830s style suit”. Frankly, he looks more like an 1830s blood-spattered tinker.

Next, two of the Kardashian/Jenner brood (sorry, Joyce, formerly of Hong Kong, now of Vermont), making a big deal out of faux-nipples, Kill me now. First Kim Kardashian, wearing a fibreglass creation spray-painted by a British garage owner, Martyn Smith, from Lydd near Romney Marsh in Kent.  Apparently, it took him 13 hours.

And here is the side view. Easy now….

Perhaps this is the equivalent of Mrs. Kumquat’s hats, designed to ward off those intent upon getting too close to her. And here is Kim’s sister Kylie Jenner, wearing Schiaparelli.

As Cheese remarked in one of WTF’s favourite films Tin Men, “there is definitely some sort of sickness that runs in that family”. What is the obsession with nipples like wheelnuts on the wheels of a Scammell truck?

Superstar Beyoncé, (who arrived fashionably late, as ever), wearing Olivier Rousteng.

Oh please. It is terribly unflattering. Is she supposed to be a Swarovski Viking skeleton with sparkling Minge moment?

Now we move on to a trend that WTF has always found really, really, offensive. Hands groping tits. This time, the tits belong to French social media “personalitee” Lena Mahfouf, wearing Burc Aykol.

That is not a skirt. That is a ground sheet risking pudendum peek. And this next one is worse, because apparently, the hands moved as she walked. Meet Thai fashionista and showbiz “mover and shaker” Nichapat Suphap, wearing Robert Wun.

Apparently, tit-groping is SO last year, and we have moved on to groin-grabbing. Harvey Weinstein is making a comeback. Stop. It. Now. It is downright unpleasant.

As is this, on singer Sam Smith.

The love child of The Mikado and an exploding blackbird.

Talking of exploding flying creatures, here is actor and writer Lena Dunham wearing Valentino.

Last week, we had actor Ayo Edebiri carrying Elmo the muppet around with her as a wrap. This week, Elmo’s colleague Animal has taken revenge by eating Lena, and it is terrible to behold.

And finally, singer Cardi B wearing Marc Jacobs. Easy now….

Yurgle. She seeems to have about ten pairs of tits, like some ancient goddess, with a bag of sumo wrestler’s stomach-fat at her feet.  No, sorry. WTF is off for a lie-down.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who is of course delighted that her beloved Arsenal has made it to the UEFA Champions League Final for the first time in 20 years, but who is a lot less delighted at the unbelievable price-gouging and rip-offs being imposed on footie fans who want to be in Budapest to witness what they hope (perhaps foolishly) to be a mighty victory against Paris St Germain. Flights which are usually £160 return are now priced at £900 for the relevant dates. Hotels are gazillions of Euros. And tickets for the game itself, if you can get them of course (Arsenal’s allocation is 16,250), are as follows.

Category 1	Category 2	Category 3	Fans First
€950	€650	€180	€70
(€760 Restricted View)	(€520 Restricted View)	(€140 Restricted View)

Fucking outrageous. Why are they staging the final in a stadium with restricted view seats? And why are those restricted view seats priced at sums the equivalent of a week’s package holiday? It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x