wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

All in all, it was not a great birthday for the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew. He was arrested and charged with misfeasance in public office, which is law-speak for slipping confidential trade information to his erstwhile mate, the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein while representing the UK as a Trade Ambassador. When he was driven home later in the afternoon, splayed like a poleaxed rat at the back of the car, his humiliation was complete. But then, seeing as he is now shunned by his family, including his daughters and his ghastly, freeloading, former wife, Sarah Ferguson, at least he got to spend the day with people, even if those people consisted of police officers various and his solicitor. And a few hours in a police custody suite would have served as useful acclimatisation for his new downgraded accommodation, as he was recently kicked out of his zillion-bedroom mansion on the Windsor estate and has been forced to relocate to something akin to a gamekeeper’s cottage in the neighbourhood. One suspects that the standard of cuisine on offer down the nick compared unfavourably with the comestibles served up by his cook at Royal Lodge, but maybe someone managed to rustle up a Jaffa cake with a candle in it to mark the beginning of his 67th year on earth.

The charges have nothing to do with the allegations of horrible sexual offences which the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew is alleged to have committed with Epstein’s aid and encouragement. They do, however, follow revelations in the Epstein files, which was what led the coppers to his new front door; just as material from the same source prompted a different police force to raid the home of Lord Mandelson for the same alleged reason. However, police from a number of forces across the country are investigating a slew of lurid allegations concerning Epstein and others, involving tales of private planes flying trafficked girls in and out of the hellhole airports at Stansted and Luton. And other policemen are investigating allegations that Royal Protection Officers may have chosen to overlook shenanigans and, perhaps, downright criminality. Who knows what else will emerge? WTF did think to herself that it was a blessing that the late Queen Elizabeth II was no longer here to witness today’s events, but then she remembered who had ponied up £12 million to facilitate the settlement of the claims brought by Virginia Guiffre against Her Majesty’s favourite son. Poor Virginia did not live long enough to spend the money, committing suicide two years later.

Last week, WTF pointed out the US was comparing the high-profile dismissals, even of people who did not know Epstein personally, and the criminal investigations taking place against some of Epstein’s cronies, here in the UK, to the position in the US. There, despite a tsunami of allegations, redacted or otherwise, against some leading politicians, including the President himself, no member of the Administration has either resigned or been fired. On the contrary, the Rancid Kumquat continues to assert at every opportunity that he has been “completely exonerated”. If that is exoneration, one shudders to think what condemnation would look like. Mind you, the most damning allegations have disappeared from the DOJ website. The corruption of the Department of Injustice is stupefying and as an additional “fuck you”, a giant banner with Trump’s face on it now hangs from the portico of its building. It is clear that no current political figures,  or that any of the disgusting millionaires and billionaires whose names appear in the files, will be either investigated or charged. That is the sinkhole into which America has tumbled. For shame.

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We start our review of the week’s terrible togs at the Santa Barbara Film Festival with actor Gwyneth Paltrow, wearing Prada.

The insufferable Gwyneth wore a similar shade of baby pink when she won the Oscar for Shakespeare in Love in 1998. That one was by Ralph Lauren and it didn’t fit her either. Here, there is peekaboo and there is always a problem when the train is longer than the skirt. Why has she got a train at all? It looks like Likitung….

Next we are at New York Fashion Week at the showing of the latest in the series of short films, Miu Miu Women’s Tales, with actor Jasmin Savoy Brown, wearing Miu Miu.

Sigh. It looks like one of those sexy aprons men buy their loved ones (more in hope than in expectation) on Valentine’s Day.

Still at New York Fashion Week, this is actor Madeline Brewer (of The Handmaid’s Tale fame), wearing Ulla Johnson.

Sorry, but that is not even clothes. Still, at least she is keeping her neck warm, even as she is exposing the rest of her body, which in turn is exposing her to a severe risk of frostbite.

And here is actor Julia Fox,wearing AGWE.

The good news is that she is covered up. The bad news is that she looks like an extra from Downton Abbey.

And now we have rising star and Love Island personage, Maura Higgins, wearing, if wearing is the mot juste, which it manifestly is not, Laquan Smith.

Let it never be said that Maura goes at stuff half-heartedly. There is underboob. There is Visible Nipple Activity. There are Ribs aplenty. There is Belly Button. There is an Imminent Minge moment. Basically, the whole nine yards. The fabric is stretched across her torso so as to put WTF in mind of a patient etherised upon a table, as TS Eliot put it, about to undergo abdominal surgery.

Here is Kanye West’s wife, bitsflasher Bianca Censori, out and about in West Hollywood, wearing not nearly enough.

No change here, then. Just the usual lack of garments, and pantyhose worn as trousers. Which they are not. And, of course, the mandatory arsecheeks. 

Now we go to the Berlin Film Festival and come upon actor Jacob Rott, wearing Guiseppe Di Morabito.

Is Jacob filming yet another remake of Gladiator?

Also there was actor Zazie Beetz, wearing Maximilian Raynor.

If a bumblebee went to a fancy dress party as a busty flamenco dancer, this is what it would look like. The cut is ludicrously bad and the arms seem to be designed for an urangutang.

Finally, here is Rita Ora wearing Ottoliner. She is with her husband Taika Waititi, who actually looks rather dashing.

Oh Gawd. It’s Showgirl Barbie.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who was aghast to see former junkie and continuing madman, Robert F Kennedy Jr, pushing his Make America Healthy Again programme (MAHA) as US Secretary of State for Health. In his jeans. Like you do. Behind him is washed -up MAGAmoron singer, Kid Rock.

 RFK Jr is a vaccine denier and the sort of person who thinks you can get over various diseases by a brisk walk and a couple of Coxes Orange Pippins. He is also a big fan of chemicals in food. By the look of him, he is not a fan of sunscreen and resembles a slab of beef, as opposed to the slab of beefcake he thinks he is. He is also a rampant adulterer. As for Kid Rock, MAGA got him to stage an alternative half-time show to counter the Hispanic unwholesomeness that was Bad Bunny at the Superbowl. One of Kid Rock’s songs, admittedly not performed in the Alternative Show, “Cool, Daddy Cool”, features the lyrics “Young ladies, young ladies, I like ’em underage/ See, some say that’s statutory/ But I say it’s mandatory.” And if that isn’t American wholesomeness, WTF does not know what is. Both of them are revolting. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in comments and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x