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Hallo Readers,

Having won the US Election, Trump is now preparing for his accession by nominating a bunch of no-marks, sycophants, yes-men, family members and big donors to top positions.  Normally, nominees are picked for their political convictions, but one or two of this bunch have actual convictions, including his daughter’s father-in-law Charles Kushner, who did time inside for fraud and trying to blackmail his brother-in-law by setting him up with a prostitute and then threatening to publish the pictures. Klass with a kapital K. He is to be the next Ambassador to France. Then there are the ones with allegations of sexual harassment, like piss-artist Pete Hegseth, the would-be Defence Secretary from Fox News and Kimberley Guilfoyle, (more like Kimberley Gargoyle after some very unfortunate plastic surgery), who was forced to resign from Fox News for sexual harassment and was engaged to Trump’s eldest son until he ditched her for a younger model – and so she is now to be the future Ambassador to Greece instead of the future Mrs Donald Trump Jr.  Even those not convicted of criminal activities or sexual harassment are supremely iffy, like former Democratic Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, a pro-Putin apologist and Assad fan-girl who has been nominated for Director of National Intelligence and Kash Patel, a man so Maga-rabid that he has written kiddies’ books featuring a King called Donald and who has vowed to go bigly after Trump’s enemies. Trump wants him to run the FBI. yes you read that right. THE FBI!!!!! Those Senators who have voiced concerns have been warned to expect retribution in bucketfuls.

But perhaps the worst appointment is one that does not require any Senate ratification. Elon Musk, who gave hundreds of millions of dollars to Trump’s campaign, plus full support from X (formerly known as Twitter), has been appointed (alongside failed Presidential hopeful, millionaire Vivek Ramaswarmy) to head some ludicrous Government cost-cutting-commission, although he has zero experience of Government, and has vowed to cut a gazillion jobs and squeeze institutions until the pips squeak. Musk has suddenly become Trump’s brother-from-another-mother, popping up on visits abroad and phone calls to world leaders various, and, like Woody Allen’s Zelig, seems to be in every photo of Trump. He has also moved into Mar-A-Lago and shows no intention of ever leaving, the house guest from hell.  He has also decided that he is the President-elect rather than his Florida and sort-of-sibling. As such, he has been issuing edicts about this, that and the other, tweeting dozens of time a day and yesterday blew up an agreed bi-partisan bill designed to avoid the Government shutting down by a series of increasingly deranged and mendacious communications, whereupon GOP congresspersons crumpled like a chap suit. He is unelected and unaccountable, the richest man in the world, and he is shows every sign of the rampant narcissism and egomania that dwarfs even that of the rancid kumquat himself. There is talk of him of him becoming Speaker of the House, the third most powerful role in the US, and for which, preposterously, you do not need to be an elected representative. But that would be much too lowly for Musk. Why settle for number 3 when you can be number 1, or at least carry on as if you are?  Trump may have met his match. This will be fun to watch. Appalling. Terrifying. But fun…..

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And so to the main business of today. I refer of course to the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2024 where 18  celebrities are competing for the coveted Turkey title. WTF can confidently assert that every one of these particular nominees is more than worthy of nomination, unlike Tump’s band of grotesques.  Remember that they are arranged in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference on WTF’s part. So now it is over to you, dear Readers. All you have to do is to peruse this dismal collection of dross and decide which one of them, or more than one of them, is worthy of top place on the podium. Do not worry about that Single Transferable Vote nonsense.  Just make your picks, as many as you like, tick the box or boxes and come back and vote again as often as you like. Voting closes at midnight on Thursday 2 January 2025 and the results will be announced on Friday, 3 January.

Ready? You won’t be.

Off we go….

1. Anya Taylor-Joy, British actor.

 

Bloomers are not trousers, nor indeed are they clothes. They are under-garments, which means that they are supposed to be worn under garments not as garments. And she is so pale she looks like Caspar the Friendly Ghost.

 

2. Bianca Censori, Australian bits-flasher and current wife of Kanye West.

A titstrap over cameltoe bandages is not an outfit. Not even at all. She looked as though St John’s Ambulance        trainees had been practising on her, and having a lot of fun in the process.

 

3. Blake Lively, mega-smug American actor.

Yee haw! She looks like an extra from Yellowstone,  but even Beth Dutton would have baulked at wearing this, and there is not much Beth Dutton baulked at. And where are Blake’s cowboy boots? She could get bitten by something malevolent, and WTF is not referring to Jamie Dutton or that floozy he hung around with [SPOILER ALERT] who got her just deserts, and not before tim .

 

4. Boris Johnson, buffoon. Oh, and former UK Prime Minister.

Ever the freeloaders, Johnson and fragrant wife Carrie Antoinette attended the preposterously, not to say revoltingly, over-the-top mega-wedding in India between heirs of the billionaire Ambani and Merchant families. It is Johnson whom we are considering here, in a horrible un-ironed kurta and crumpled trousers, ugly purple waistcoat and ordinary dress shoes with his usual mop of stupid hair, like a fluffy floor mop.  He resembled a porky hobbit. 

 

5. Chanel West Coast, American singer and TV personality.

Chanel pitched up at the VMAs dressed as a silvery saloon girl in a glitzy remake of a Western with sparkly heart nipples, white tights (are they back now, Heaven forfend!!) a shed-load of tattoos and too-big sandals.

 

6. Darrell Dupard, American fashion designer.

He was wearing his granny’s crocheted bedspread and the combination of his spindly little legs and his enormous shoes was one of the silliest things that WTF had seen for quite some time. Presumably the Capital Ds on his shoulders stood for Double Dickhead.

 

7. Darren Criss, American actor and singer.

 Magic Mike meets Scarlett O’Hara. Ridiculous.

 

8. Elias Medini aka ly.as, French fashionista.

Elias graced the Place Vendôme during Paris Fashion Week looking like a leopard-skin Dr Zhivago (in late June!!!) and a couple of R2-D2s on his feet.

 

9. FKA Twigs, British singer.

The poor girl always looks profoundly miserable, and no wonder, when she was forced to walk about in public dressed in horse-hoof boots, a leather bustier in a non-toning hue, a condom instead of a skirt and a dead spaniel as a handbag. Call the RSPCA!!!

 

10. Heart Roberts, American fashion designer. 

To be fair, he specialises in reworking discarded materials, but honestly – there are people living in cardboard boxes who are dressed better than this.

 

11. Jared Leto, American actor.

If Jesus Christ wore black boxers, leather top-boots, thumb-less red gloves (or are his hands dipped in blood?) and a sleeveless plastic pack-a-mac, this is what he would look like.

 

12. Jeremy Scott, fashion designer.

Another fool in the Place Vendôme, this one resembling Count Dracula in jean shorts, which were not so much distressed as decimated.

 

13. Julia Fox, Italian/American bits-flasher, occasional actor and the winner of the 2024 Summer Stinker.

Saggy-tit-bags – or are they baby-slings?- and a pussy pelmet. In other words, classic Julia Fox.

 

14. Kate Beckinsale, British actor.

 

There was something horribly labial about that heart thing on the skirt.

 

15. Pelayo Diaz, Spanish actor.

Baggy boxer shorts under a net curtain. And a handbag. Kill me now.

 

16. Teyana Taylor, American singer.

Great body, but why was she dressed in a minge cage with under-boob?

 

17. Úrsula Corberó, Spanish actor.

And Úrsula was wearing a minge poodle. By the way, she was great in Day of the Jackal. 

 

18. Yasmine Ghoneim, Australian architectural designer.

 

OK readers, over to you. Vote early! Vote often! WTF will be back with the results in the next blog on 3 January 2025. Happy Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy New Year. See you on the other side of 2024. 

 

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