wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

 

WTF was only gone for four weeks, but it seems like an age. While she has been away, the most preposterous political shitshow has been going and it keeps getting sillier. The big story this week is not that the Tory Director of Campaigning has stepped down pro tem, but that there ever was one. Who would want that on their CV? It makes Chris Grayling’s look good. Tony Lee stepped aside for the moment (read “permanently”) not for his calamitous handling of the worst election campaign in the history of ever, but the fact that he is implicated in a betting scandal involving two Tory candidates, one of whom is his own wife, and one of Rishi Sunak’s police protection officers, all of whom seem to have made a lucky guess on the date of the election. Of course, the fact that one of them was Sunak’s parliamentary aide and another the wife, as aforesaid, of the Director of Campaigning is absolutely irrelevant and has nothing at all to do with their hazarding their hard earned cash with the bookies. But it stinks worse than a dead skunk with hygiene issues. The campaign started with Sunak emulating a drowned rat on the steps of number 10. That was followed by an appearance at the Belfast shipyard that built the Titanic, and Sunak congratulating the Welsh on their qualification for the Euros when they had not made the cut. Then of course was his own personal Dunkirk,  to which scuttling off home during the 80th commemoration of the D-Day Landings, in effect giving the finger to every World leader mourning their own dead heroes. Now his closest aides are accused of deep dodginess for the sake of a few quid. You would think that Sunak, Lee, Mrs Lee and the others would be well advised to pack their bags, undergo intensive plastic surgery and head off to the depths of the Amazon, but as we all know, shame has long since ceased to play a part in public life, particularly in the Tory party.

The other gob-smacker in the campaign is the reemergence of Nigel Farage, who, like the hairy-legged spider you thought had gone for good, only for it to re-emerge hairier and blacker than ever, has not only resumed his quest to be an MP, this time in Clacton, (home of the Essex Lion) but has also assumed the leadership of the Reform Party which now seems poised to push the Tories into oblivion. Farage is horribly plausible but also a complete charlatan whose financial policies appear to have been drafted in less time than it takes the man to smoke a cigarette and down a pint. Whenever Farage lurches into view, ugliness, xenophobia and bigotry are never far behind. He taints everything that he touches, rather like his hero. Donald Trump. The political scene was bad before, but it has become suddenly so much worse. And the disaster that is Sunak, the greedy, grasping, inept Tory party and the efforts of Tony Lee may well ensure that Farage and his ilk have far too loud a voice in the new parliament. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

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And so to the main business of today. I refer of course to the fabled WTF Summer Stinker Poll where 18  celebrities compete for the coveted title of the Summer Stinker 2024. WTF can confidently assert that every one of them is worthy of the title. In fact, this is one of the worst selections for some time. Remember that they are arranged in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference on WTF’s part. So now it is over to you, dear Readers. All you have to do is to peruse this dismal collection of dross and decide which one of them, or more than one of them, is worthy of top place on the podium. Do not worry about that Single Transferable Vote nonsense.  Just make your picks, as many as you like, tick the box or boxes and come back and vote again as often as you like. The results will be announced next Friday, 5 July, where we will know not only the identity of our new Prime Minister but also that of the Summer Stinker 2024. A momentous day indeed.

Ready? You won’t be.

Off we go….

1. Alex Borstein, American actor.

WTF is a big fan of Alex, whose performance as Susie Myerson, Mrs Maizel’s agent, was a masterpiece. But this is like a saloon girl whose skirt doesn’t fit. And she is being strangled by her own infrastructure.

2. Amanza Smith, American TV celebrity.

She is one of the estate agents on that load of drivel, Selling Sunset. She seems to be wearing a leotard with a minge waterfall and a codpiece last seen on Henry V111.

3. Andrea Riseborough, British actor.

Andrea went to the prestigious Vanity Fair Oscars Party looking like a dinosaur made out of pink lego. The hair doesn’t help, but then, what would?

4. Bianca Censori, Australian architect and bits flasher (seen here with her husband, rapper and right-wing lunatic Kanye West. He is not a candidate).

WTF has said it before and she will say it again. If you have to hold your bag in front of your minge, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it. Not that this is an outfit. Note her husband’s lascivious leer. It is enough to put you off your breakfast. As are those sandals.

5. Billy Porter, American actor and musical star.

If a hotel doorman went to a fancy dress party as Billy Porter, this is what he would look like.

6. Chloe Ferry, British celebritee (Geordie Shore).

You get a prize if you can spot any original working part other than the camel toe, which is probably her own. Face. Tan. Tits. Hair. Lips like a couple of rubber tyres. Just. Go. Away.

7. Cmat, Irish singer.

WTF was previously unaware that showing your arse-crack, a look previously sported by builders on public thoroughfares, has now made it into women’s fashion. Yurgle.

8. Daniel Pemberton, British composer. 

 

No. Just no. He looks like a car mechanic in pastels.

9. Di Mondo, Chilean fashionista.

On the plus side, it is artistic. On the minus side, there is imminent penis peek and he looks like a prat.

10. Elena Lenina, Russian actor.

You never see her except on the Red Carpet at Cannes. Luckily. Here she is with a string of donuts on her head and wearing something resembling a kids’ school project using a roll of kitchen foil. 

11. Jack Rooke, British comedian.

He is wearing a shorts suit. That is bad. Made out of the fabric used on London tube seats. That is worse. With a matching man bag. That should be made a criminal offence. And don’t even get WTF started on the shoes. 

12. JoJo Siwa, American singer.

If Ozzy Osbourne and Alice Cooper had sex, this is what their offspring would look like.

13. Julia Fox, American sometime actor and bitsflasher.

Julia went out with Kanye West for about half an hour and got into the habit of bits flashing now also practiced by the current incumbent, Bianca Censori, aka contestant number 4 above. If there is one thing worse than showing your minge, it is showing a particularly hairy faux-minge. And faux-nipples.

14. Leonie Anderson, British model.

Leonie has not bothered with actual clothes and has instead gone out wearing a pair of cartoon eyes and some fetching sandals.

15. Rahi Chadda, British influencer.

Whom does he influence? And to do what?  Not, presumably, to wear a suit of armour made from an old sofa he could not bear to be parted from.

16. Rob Beckett, British comedian.

Look, WTF likes a laugh as well as the next person but ….if Rob wants to dress as a giraffe at the Brit Awards, fine, but the dangling dick passeth all understanding.

17. Shawn Everett, Canadian sound engineer.

Shawn is a former distinguished winner of this competition and you can see why.  He seems to be wearing the remnants of Miss Haversham’s wedding dress that she had wiped her bottom on.

18. Viktoria Silvstedt, Swedish model.

One might say mutton  dressed as a lamb but that would be an insult to ageing sheep. There is far too much on display, none of it box-fresh, and the tacky dress is fashi0ned from one of Merlin’s discarded cloaks.  Horrible.

 

Alright, Readers, now it’s your turn! GET VOTING!!!

 

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