WTF Courtroom Special

Hallo Readers,

‘You must not tell us what the soldier, or any other man, said, Sir,’ interposed the judge; ‘it’s not evidence.’ 

‘Wery good, my Lord,’ replied Sam.

In The Pickwick Papers, Mr Pickwick is sued for breach of promise by his landlady, Mrs Bardell.  His faithful manservant Sam Weller is called to give evidence. As you can see from the above exchange, it did not go well. Judges tend not to find for claimants based on all or any of the following; feeling hard done by, knowing it in your water, saying ‘I can’t prove it but I know it’s true’ or ‘it’s not fair’ or‘the defendant has made my life hell for years and now I want my day in court’. Or even ‘the defendant killed my mum’. To win in court, you have to have evidence on which the judge can find, on the balance of probabilities, that you have proved your case. And it is on this technical, but necessary, principle that Prince Harry’s claim of phone hacking against Mirror Group Newspapers seems to have gone tits up. He said that the paper would only have obtained particular information about him, his girlfriends, his nocturnal activities and his goings on generally  by hacking his phone. MGN, which admits to having hacked other people’s phones in the past, says that in this case it could indeed have got the information printed from legal sources, such as courtiers leaking like a sieve, back stabbers in the Royal Press Office diverting attention from the activities of other more important Royals, and reading stuff in the papers. And so it was that time after time in cross examination, Andrew Green KC asked Prince Harry where the evidence was, only for him to reply ‘you know it’s true’. The case still rumbles on, and will do for weeks, during which M’Learned Friends will line their pockets bigly and stash a shed load of cash in pension funds and bank accounts various. Prince Harry will however not be there, having hotfooted it back to California to await the outcome in due course.

This was a man on a mission, namely to protest against the mass intrusions of the press into the private life of himself, his family and his mother, who died in a car trying to escape the attentions of the paparazzi. And he is right in regarding the tabloid press as scummy, dishonest and intrusive. We know that newspapers have had to pay out large sums in damages to many celebrities whose phones have been hacked, with sneaky little stories published in consequence but which were of no real consequence at all – who is sleeping with whom, who said what about whom, who had fallen out with whom. It was cheap journalism in every sense of the word – unimportant, surreptitious and invasive, easy to do and carried out with total indifference to the feelings of the people involved. It was free copy, it filled newspaper columns and it kept the news editors happy, who in turn kept their editors happy, who in turn kept their proprietors happy as the profits rolled in. The whole thing is so depressingly trivial and trite. But the problem is that when you come for these bastards, you have to have the evidence to nail them to the floor because if you don’t, and you fail, it will cost you a lot of money and your life will be made even more miserable than before because they can crow how you lost in addition to all the other stuff they have against you. WTF hopes that she is wrong but it seems that Harry has picked a fight without the weapons to see it through to success – Don Quixote tilting at windmills.


We start our review of the week’s absurd attire with actor Jeremy Pope at the Moet Chandon Polo event at Liberty State Park, wearing  an AMI suit with a white Esenshel hat.

Dr Seuss wrote about the Cat in the Hat. This is more of a case of the Prat in a Hat. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT HAT? As for the suit, the colour is great but it seems a little tight around the chest and is puckering more than Donald Trump’s mouth when he received his latest set of indictments.

Next we go to South Africa and celebritee Maya Jama presenting the rubbishy TV  show Love Island, in which a bunch of chemically-enhanced, toilet-toothed nonentity wannabees woo each other to win a chance to go on to attend crappy premières  and appear in the Daily Mail Sidebar of Shame. (The ratings have tanked this season, by the way). Maya is wearing a ‘dress’ by Cult Gaia which costs £2,850.

WTF is not sure what she most deplores –  the embossed crotch circle, that some idiot would spend £2,850 on this dreck, that it is extremely ugly or that it looks like a macramé hanging.

We are now at the TV Soap Awards in Manchester with one of our regulars, actor Chelsee Healey, wearing something horrible.

If Morticia Addams went to a fancy dress party as a burlesque dancer, this is what she would look like.

Meet Japanese actor Riisa Naka at the New York premiere of her new film  Transformers – Rise of the Beasts.

You just know that the outfit is an absolute stinker when the shocking pink hair is the best bit of the whole look. The rest of it seems to consist of a bodice of different coloured belts under florescent carwash brushes. And she has lost her feet. 

This one is from the Chelsea Flower show at the end of May, but WTF missed it. This is presenter and former singer Ashley Roberts at a Vanity Fair reception wearing Jean Paul Gaultier

Do not adjust your brain – this is really happening. Maya Jama, whom we see above, was snapped recently in a purple and green version of this, but Ashley’s colourway is worse, not least because the red stream emanating from her minge area, highlighted by hazy stripes, is distinctly menstrual. The bellybutton swirl is also deeply disturbing. 

Finally, we are in LA with Nazi-sympathiser, Jew-hating, off-his-head rapper Kanye West and his alleged wife (they were apparently ‘married’ in a ‘non-binding’ ceremony), Australian architect Bianca Censori. They’re off to Church. Specifically, Kanye’s Sunday Service at which he officiates. 

Kanye is wearing tights. Tights! And a penis purse instead of a bumbag. And stupid sock shoes. And shoulder pads like an American footballer. He looks like a malevolent Robin Hood. Meanwhile the new Mrs West has a stocking pulled over her head like a bank robber and appears to be wearing a dog basket around her neck. They have a lot of forgiveness to seek from the Good Lord for their crimes against fashion.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is seriously fed up with women wearing enormous false eyelashes as an everyday fashion accessory.  How do they even hold their head up or see out of them?

WTF is not against false eyelashes. But she is against huge, stupid ones that make the wearer look like a pantomime cow. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

This entry was posted in Antisemitism, British Soap Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Meghan Markle, phone hacking, Politics, Prince Harry, Prince William, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to WTF Courtroom Special

  1. Joyce says:

    What a day… Tub of Lard’s indicted and the full list of his crimes published – and then Boris gone….. I want your input on both!!!!!

Leave a ReplyCancel reply