It’s here!! The fabled WTF Christmas Turkey Poll for 2020, where 18 total fashion horrors await your appalled gaze and subsequent selection. They are all ghastly, and are arranged simply in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference on WTF’s part. All you have to to do is to is choose as many horrors as you like and check the box at the bottom, as multiple choice is allowed. And when WTF says multiple choice, she does not mean that Single Transferable Votes malarkey, where you need a PhD to work out what to do. This is so much easier (or at least it should be, WordPress permitting). You can keep coming back as often as you like to vote for your favourite (or should that be least favourite?). The results will be out on January 8 2021 when WTF will be back with a bang.
As it is Christmas, there will not be the usual full rant because let us at least have one day of relative cheer. Although this year is the first time in 9 years that a serving UK Prime Minister is among the contestants for the coveted Turkey award, and if that isn’t an indictment of the shit-show that this country has become, WTF doesn’t know what is. But she is in full agreement with aficionado Anna from Lambeth, who has nominated the ultimate It’s Got To Go. It is
As WTF pointed out last week, 2020 has been the absolute pits. Lower than the pits, the bottom scrapings of the pits. It has been shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Covid 19. Businesses failing and people locked up at home and going bonkers. Black men and women murdered by US Police for no good reason. Donald Trump running amok, ending 2020 by undermining democracy and pardoning people whose morals are shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock bugging about. Priti Patel. 2021 can only be better, so let us cross everything that is crossable, pray to whatever Deity we pray to, and hope that life rapidly improves for everybody.
Especially you, lovely Readers. Happy Christmas. Happy New Year. See you next year. Be good, wash your hands, and remember to step away from the third helping of Christmas Pudding.
Right, that is enough of the preliminaries. Meet the nominees.
1. Bai Ling, Chinese actress.
Bai Ling likes flashing the flesh, although this is relatively restrained for her We were at least spared a Minge Moment, although there was a flash of arse cheek. She popped up at a Taiwanese Film Festival dressed as Shanghai Lil and looking thoroughly ridiculous. Although she is to be congratulated for being able to stand in those heels, let alone balance on one leg.
2. Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
No, look at him. What a mess. Hair like a loo brush, a shockingly ill-fitting suit with the jacket button hanging on for dear life and the trousers ballooning around his hips like circus jodhpurs, not to mention a shirt that does not look fresh on. He is a mess. WTF could take you down the Strand and you would see people sleeping in cardboard boxes better dressed than this.
CeeLo is what our Australian friends call a big unit, but it did seem rather drastic to cut up a DFS sofa and call it an outfit, particularly one revealing a particularly portly stomach. Meanwhile, it may be a reflection of the light, but something substantial seemed to be nestling under that bent trouser leg. Just saying….
4. Chloe Ferry, British celebritee.
Yes, this is an actual woman and not a blow up sex doll, but you would be hard pressed to tell the difference. There has been a substantial interference with the workings of nature on both the face and the body, and the last time WTF saw lips like that, they were on a fishmonger’s slab. The hair started life on something or someone else and the dress was no more than a turtle-necked condom with built-in Minge Moment.
5. Draya Michele, American TV reality star.
Another Minge Moment, this time formed from the remnants of her Christmas wrapping ribbons. Extra minus points for the visible tattoos and the gormless expression.
6. Ezra Miller, American actor.
It is not the fact that he was wearing a dress, it is the fact that he was wearing THAT dress. with a giant tit window, displaying his hairy chest and his belly button. And those ugly seams on the footless tights. Prat.
7. Gemma Collins, UK reality celebritee.
This is all a nightmare, from the swimming cap like Esther Williams to the slithery, I’ve-just-thrown-up-everywhere veterinary-nurse scrubs, to the revolting Louis Vuitton vomit-pastel handbag, to the sparkly trainers. Just. Very. Bad.
8. Gwen Stefani, American singer.
Gwen wore this for the final of The Voice, where she is a Judge, and it just very silly. As WTF described it at the time, it was as if Odile from Swan Lake had attempted to crawl out of a casement window and got stuck while flowers died around her…..
9. Jared Leto, American actor. Scroll down slowly….
Jared wears a lot of Gucci, as he is besties with its chief designer, Alessandro Michele. This offering had a Mad Merlin shirt and shorts combo and then the silly logo-ed sock and slides. And the mun (man-bun). If Roy Wood from Wizard had a lovechild with Merlin, Jared is what he would look like.
10. Laverne Cox, American actress.
There is drama and there is foolishness. This left foolishness about ten miles back and is now heading towards insanity, a spangled swimsuit worn with a gold shower curtain and a toothy grin.
11. Lauren Goodger, UK Z lister.
Lauren has altered parts of her body with a combination of plastic surgery and photoshop, but here she was snapped by paparazzi as is, showing a lot of leg and a preponderance of arse cheeks. Lauren seems to think that people really, really, want to see her arse cheeks. As CNN would say, here is Breaking News…. they don’t.
12. Lewis Hamilton, British World Champion racing driver.
Lewis has always enjoyed looking like an idiot, and he was at it again, scooting along to a Grand Prix in the sort of outfit sported by seniors who have retired to Florida, a matching flowerpot hat AND PINK SOCKS.
13. Machine Gun Kelly, American rapper.
MGK always looks as if he has just crawled out from under a charity clothing pile, but he hit new lows here in what looked like a pair of silk incontinence trousers and a slashed-neck top allowing us full inspection of some very nasty tattoos seemingly drawn by a four year old child. And what was with the silver space boots?
14. Maisie Williams, British actress.
Angling is the most popular sport in the UK, but most people do not go out and about doing it in a Dior fisherman’s smock and matching wellies.
15. Rita Ora, British singer.
Rita omits few opportunities to show us some or all of her person, and her trip to Milan for Fashion Week was no exception. The jacket was lovely, but sadly she omitted to wear anything underneath it, like trousers or a skirt or leggings. WTF can only be thankful that she was wearing pants, but is not thankful for having to look at the said pants, or, for that matter, the absurd French courtesan booties.
16. Sofia Carson, American actress. Again, scroll down slowly.
It was all going very well until we got to the skirt, where the beautifully made Giambattista Valli dress stopped being a dress and transmogrified into something closely resembling that revolving spit in Turkish and Greek restaurants selling chicken shawarma.
17. Steflon Don, British rapper.
Yikes. Nothing went with anything else, she forgot her top, and the shorts were rather too short to cover the tops of her thighs. WTF also has a marked aversion to sunglasses worn at night.
18. Yungblud, British rapper.
He was wearing a cheetah-patterned straitjacket, a spiked necklace like a rabid pit bull terrier and lilac socks. And his hair made him look as though he had been plugged directly into the socket.
Alright, Readers, it’s now over to you. Get voting. Keep voting. Tell all your friends to vote and to keep voting. Off you go…..