The former British Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, has fallen out of the obligations, not that he observed them much, of life in the Cabinet, and bigly back into the schmaltz of citizenship, starting with a fat paycheque from The Daily Telegraph, thought to be in the region of £275,000, not to mention his salary as an MP (£74,000). Hey, you can scrape by on that. He marked his freedom from Protocol by penning an article attacking women wearing the burkha and comparing them to ‘letterboxes’. He added that if ‘a female student turned up at school or at a university lecture looking like a bank robber’, he would ask her to remove her face covering. Even in an article opposing the recent Danish ban on wearing burkhas in public, he managed to be crass and insulting. These aperçus can be added to Johnson’s impressive list of insults against many, including the saucy song he once made up about the Turkish President, describing him as the ‘wankerer from Ankara’. Oh, how we howled.
As it happens, WTF is not in favour of the burkha. Not because it makes other people feel uncomfortable – that can never be a basis for forbidding an article of clothing, because the next thing you know, there goes the hijab and the yarmulke and the turban, followed by the crucifix and the star of David and the kara. WTF dislikes the burkha for two reasons. First, because she regards it as a subjugation of women to reduce them to an anonymised piece of cloth. And second, because there are security reasons why people should be recognisable in public. But these are sensitive matters. There is an argument to be had, but it has to be had sensibly and delicately. Johnson was not interested in sensitivity and delicacy. Sensitivity and delicacy are not publicity-grabbing. Sensitivity and delicacy do not rally the bigots and bullies and hardliners whose support he needs to advance to 10 Downing Street. It did not take long for some yobs to approach women dressed in burkhas and attempt to stuff their faces with letters. Johnson said his analogies were a joke. No. By using language like ‘bankrobbers’ and ‘letterboxes’, Boris was blowing the dog whistle, just like Nigel Farage during the Brexit debate then he declared that foreigners came over here hogging hospital beds with their HIV-related conditions. This is the level of political discourse in Britain today. Humiliation. Denigration. Dehumanisation.
Perhaps Boris is emulating his hero, Donald Trump, a man who has consistently scraped the bottom of the barrel since aspiring to, and then gaining, the highest office in the Western World. Trump hit a new low this week, even for him, by referring to a former White House employee, previously his TV associate, as a ‘dog’. Omarosa Manigault Newman is probably as big a publicity-seeking opportunist as Trump, but she happens to be both black and female. Calling her a ‘dog’ toots that whistle beautifully for the Trump faithful, just as his constant references to prominent black politician Maxine Waters, CNN TV presenter Don Lemon and leading black footballers and baseball players as ‘dumb’, neatly invoking the soubriquet of the dumb n****r, a race too stupid and contemptible to be worth listening to.
And Readers, this is why people love Trump and Johnson and Farage – they are rude and racist and they have made it alright to be rude and racist and people love them saying the things that people would never previously have said in public, particularly by mainstream politicians. Blow that dog whistle, lads. Way to go. Let’s all frolic in the gutter and watch decency go glug, glug, glug, down the toilet.
Let us now plunge into the latest review of rebarbative fashion, starting with Jennifer Lopez wearing preposterous Versace denim boots.
Look! They are proper jeans, with belt loops and pockets and all….
Those boots are not meant for walking… and wearing jean-boots is not a substitute for putting something on under your shirt. Like trousers, jeans, shorts, ANYTHING to avoid a minge moment.
Another WTF favourite, singer Rita Ora visiting Radio One in London, wearing Koché.
WTF continues (blindly, though brokenly) in her loyalty to the Arsenal, sponsored by Emirates Airlines, but even she has her limits – and this is it. If Joseph, he of the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, went to a fancy dress party as an Arsenal supporter, this is what he would look like.
Next up, we have singer Nicole Scherzinger at a Unicef gala in Porto Cerva, Italy, wearing Jessica Choay.
What is that thing across her chest? It appears to be a silk tit sling. In what circumstances does a woman require a tit sling? You don’t see many of those on Casualty.
Here is celebritee Blac Chyna out and about in LA, wearing who even knows what?
The criss-cross nip-tape provides a classy touch, as do the flap-frills framing her tiny G-string. The final coup de grace is the word ‘fuck’ tattooed under her armpit. Audrey Hepburn lives….
Off we go to the Teen Choice Awards in Inglewood, California, where a variety of nastiness awaits your appalled gaze. First, we have actor K J Apa wearing Dzojchen.
KJ said he chose this suit because he thought it looked ‘spiffy’. That is one way of putting it. Perhaps he meant ‘spliffy’. Or ‘dressed-like-an-apricot-coloured-US-mailman’.
This is the co-host of the event,Venezuelan celebrity-something-or-other, Lele Pons, wearing a dress by Kaimin and Giuseppe Zanotti sandals….
This is preposterous, half negligee and half Michael Jackson in Thriller. Did one of the ghoulies eat part of Michael and stick the rest onto the remains of a half-consumed, female person?
And here is the other co-host, singer and entertainer Nick Cannon.
So obviously Nick also really, really, wants to be Joseph and his coat (and trainers) (and sunglasses) of many colours…. Perhaps he and Rita can have a sing-off for the role.
And finally singer Bebe Rexha wearing Laroxx.
Bebe is wearing head-to-toe, Pepto-Bismol-coloured, bruise-revealing, thrush-inducing latex, with matching sandals, hair like a dilapidated mermaid, and a sequinned bra. Pepto-Bismol is an aid to nausea. WTF has just ordered in a lorryload……
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado and contributor-of-comments-supremo Andrew Purcell of Texas, who has drawn attention to possibly the MOST REVOLTING THING ever in the history of ever. This is right up with the scrote tote. I refer to a beer made from the ‘vaginal lactic acid of hot underwear models’.
A Warsaw brewery has launched ‘The Order of Yoni’. The blurb for this devil’s brew reads: ‘A golden drink brewed with her lure and grace and flavored with wild instincts. Imagine a beer which every sip offers a rendez-vous with this hot woman of your dreams… she hugs you and kisses you gently, looking straight into your eyes… How much would you give for such a beer?.. ‘(Answer – zero. But I digress). ‘The beer containing quintessence of femininity….The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfer woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into dance with lovely goddess.’
In other words, it is beaver beer, a minge mouthful, and It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x