Hallo Readers,

And here we are again. It is time for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2017 where you get to choose the most dire fashion folly of the last six months. Hasn’t time flown? It seems like only yesterday that we were canvassing the Christmas Turkey for 2016. That one was bad (with octogenarian Baddie Winkle as a worthy winner) but Readers, what follows is even worse.

Sartorially speaking, there is loads of sheer nonsense about and tons of tit. Plus the inevitable minge moments. WTF is almost immune to the sheer skirt by now, but sheer trousers and sheer onesies are another thing altogether. Why do men dress women like this? And why do women want to dress like this?

So, Readers, this is where you come in. You are tasked with trawling through the 20 horrors below and choosing the worst one or worst ones, because you can choose as many as you like. The contenders are arranged in first name alphabetical order so no favouritism is to be inferred from the order in which they appear. There is none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey here. Vote early and vote often and make sure that everyone you know does the same. Should you choose to do so, you can also leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes.

The results will be published in the next blog which will be 5 January 2018. Happy holidays! See you next year.


1. Alex James, singer, wearing a DJ and undercrackers.

Unshaven. Manky tie. A shirt that is not fresh on. Undercrackers. Grey socks. Ancient Chelsea boots. No. Just no.

2. Bryanboy, fashion blogger.

This is a silly person wearing silly clothes, especially those ridiculous boots like knee socks on a toy soldier.

3. Cardi B, rapper, wearing who knows what?

This is probably the ugliest onesie ever, a horrible ordure-brown colour with giant tit-window and crotch embellishment. 

4. Clare Stewart, film festival director, wearing who knows what?

This astonishing, not to mention downright disconcerting, garment can best be described as an origami clitoris worn with thick tights and clogs.

5. Demi Lovato, singer, wearing Frolov.

As WTF noted at the time, anything would be better than the baggy beige leg, a bare leg, a prosthetic leg, a table leg, just anything at all, and the outfit is  a weird blend of garish toga meets Penelope Keith.

6. Gemma Collins, celebrity, wearing Gerda Trubon.

Gemma is dressed as a wrinkled papaya off to play American football. And as a general rule, your dress should not be the same colour as your face, especially this particular shade.

7. Gillian McKeith, TV presenter, wearing who knows what? 

Half Madame, half serving wench from Game of Thrones – all bad.

8.Iggy Azalea, rapper, wearing who knows what?

Frankly, Iggy looks as if she is wearing an added-on arse. The latex crotch must hurt like hell, prompting a call for the Canesten, and just imagine the indentations when she sits down.

9. Jared Leto, actor and singer, wearing Gucci.

Jared has appeared in many tragic Gucci outfits this year but WTF has picked this one because of the, ahem, visible trouser snake, clashing vomit pastels, woman’s blouse and mutant floral adornment on the jacket.

10. John Cameron Mitchell, actor, wearing who knows what?

The off-cut couture is nearly as bad as the matching 50 Shades of Grey hair and the I’ve-been-run-over-by-a-line-painting-machine shoes.

11. Keyshia Ka’oir, celebrity fiancée, wearing Gucci and St Laurent boots. 

Quite apart from the fact that those are the most improbable tits WTF ever did see in her life, the glitter condom with matching $10,000 boots are pure Porno Barbie.

12. Lewis Hamilton, racing driver, wearing Missoni.

Further evidence, not that any evidence was required, that Lewis dresses like a knob. This time, he is in a designer bathrobe with massive boots. Don’t even get WTF started on the hair.

13. Lil’ Kim, singer, wearing Angel Brinks.

Another sparkly condom, this time with a novelty hood and mini TV worn as a belt.

14.Mariah Carey, singer, wearing who knows what?

There is body confident and there is WTAF!! This is the latter. Whatever that Liz-Hurley-safety-pin-ripoff is, it is not a dress. In fact, it is barely a top and it is putting onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment,

15. Mel B, singer and talent show judge, wearing Rocky Gathermole.

The horseshoe hooha with built-in keyring is downright offensive.

16. Ola Jordan, dancer, wearing who knows what?

She may or may not be wearing panties but the very fact that you have to ask is not OK. In addition, the belly-button plunge and silver this-way-to-my-minge-arrow is an assault on the retinas of all right-thinking people.

17.Peaches, singer, wearing who knows what?

On seeing this horror, WTF aficionado Trisha commented “the tin-foil troubador with the squished tits and nipple slip must proceed immediately to the Christmas Turkey Table”. Done.

18. Prince Ernst of Hanover at his nuptials.

His wife looks lovely but HRH seems to have spent the night in a skip. He has a pudding bowl haircut, a skewed tie, a frock coat which is too large, comedy trousers and scruffy shoes. Smarten yourself up, son. It’s your wedding day.

19. Rita Ora, singer wearing Burberry.

Rita usually wears too little so it is something of a relief to see her in actual clothes, but dressing as a Burberry chav almost makes you long for less cover and more Rita.

20.  Whoopi Goldberg, actress and comedienne, wearing Thom Browne.

As WTF remarked at the time, Whoopi is wearing a partially deflated kiddies’ paddling pool and a deconstructed mitre. She looks completely mad.

OK Readers! Get voting!


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3 responses to “WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2017”

  1. Looked at Whoopi Goldberg’s clown suit and “Vesti la giubba“ from “Pagliacci” began playing in my head.
    Anyone can dress foolishly, but dressing foolishly while promoting opera is an admirable activity. Odd, but admirable.
    If we are going to reward foolishness, let us reward the foolishness that has at least some socially redeeming value (unless it’s someone who redefines “vulgar” and you know who I’m referring to).
    So this year my vote is that we have a Christmas Turkey with a noble purpose.

  2. That Prince Ernst chap stands in line to the British Crown. Please make him King when Queen Elizabeth’s reign ends, then we can become a republic for the first time, and you might want to become a republic again. At first, I thought his wife was this woman, so I wondered why she didn’t get her skates on when he showed up in my grandad’s gardening trousers

    Dunno why, but I quite like John Cameron Mitchell’s suit – on him of course. Its coherent within itself and with the wearers body of work. Just a pity it wasn’t made by a competent tailor, but I guess it’s a ‘throw away’ outfit.

  3. I had to vote for Lil Kim’s sparkly Teletubby outfit, because it is the worst choice for anyone of her shape,but then Gillian McKeith looks so ridiculous!! Is there actually a trophy that goes with the poll? I think there should be something the winner can keep for eternity, in the hope they learn from the experience. Although looking at these, I doubt that they would.

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