WTF Tits Are Being Worn This Year Special

Hallo Readers,

There is an old song with the chorus “It’s the same the whole world over, it’s the poor what gets the blame, it’s the rich what gets the pleasure, ain’t it all a bleedin’ shame”. How true. Move your boyfriend in whilst on benefits or do a little painting and decorating on the side for cash and you’ll find yourself in Court quicker than you can say Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs. But stash your cash in the Banque de Dodgy in Geneva and forget to tell the taxman and you can just write a little cheque and call it quits. So far, £120m has been repaid. It gets better. Run the Bank of which the Banque de Dodgy is the Swiss subsidiary, even if you do not know that the Banque is, at the very least, actively encouraging tax avoidance and you collect a £19m pension pot, are ushered into the House of Lords and are made a member of Her Majesty’s Government. Lord Green, formerly Stephen Green  and the Head of HSBC, claims he knew nothing about the activities of the Banque de Dodgy, which rather begs the question why he was paid a fortune to run it. Be that howsoever it be, there is no doubt that HMRC knew all about it because they were collecting the  repayment cheques. Call Me Dave claims that no one told him anything. Like he always does. Lord Green refuses to answer questions. Any way you look at it, it is a scandal.

Here’s the thing. Why do people who are neither Swiss nor working in Switzerland need a Swiss Bank Account at all? Or one in Lichtenstein or the British Virgin Islands or any other scenic spot which is not the place where they reside and go about their business? Or set up companies in Samoa or the Channel Islands and then “loan” themselves money from those companies at very reasonable rates of interest (i.e. none)? It is because they would rather dip their heads in a bucket of shit than pay full tax on their money. As far as WTF is concerned, tax avoidance may be legal but it is no better than tax evasion. Live in the UK and pay your taxes on all of your income or piss off somewhere else. End of. Meanwhile, the law should be properly and equitably applied.  No one should buy themselves out of wrongdoing, After all, the  Chancellor of the Exchequer tells us that we are all in this together. Right……

We turn to the fashion faeces of the week and a bumper edition it is too. WTF’s father and uncle attended a family wedding many years ago where their cousin’s wife was wearing an extremely low cut dress displaying a lot of pudgy décolletage. In a synagogue!  At which point, WTF’s Uncle remarked loudly “Tits are being worn this year”. It appears that not much has changed. This week saw the BAFTAs and the GRAMMYs and WTF can say with confidence that once again, tits are being worn this year. And arse. But first up, we have BAFTA nominee for best musical score Mica Levi aka Micachu wearing who knows what…

Mica went to the BAFTAs dressed as the Artful Dodger in a black bin bag. Who knows why?

And then there was pointless socialite Hofit Golan wearing Stéphane Rolland. Why the hell she was there is a question to which there is no sensible answer.

Hofit has awarded herself a gold star but on this showing, she should get a detention – indoors and in perpetuity.

To the GRAMMYs, starting with Pharrell Williams wearing Chanel.

WTF is resigned to Pharrell showing his skinny little legs because you might as well try and hold back the tide. And we all know how well  King Canute got on with that particular exercise.  But what is Karl Lagerfool  doing dressing him as a hotel bellhop in gold trainers?

Next we meet former American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, wearing Kuwaiti designer Ali Younes at a GRAMMYs pre-party.

This Ali Younes is not to be confused with the Qatari footballer Ali Younes but he was certainly offside with this hideous creation in which Jordin displays a Spanx high-waist panty and matching bra and appears to have just given birth to the sibling of that horrible black thing that came out of Melisandre in Games of Thrones. Let us hope this this one proves to be more friendly than Melisandre’s offspring…

We move onto Katy Perry wearing Zuhair Murad.

Oh, here we go again. Yawn. It is time that Zuhair changed the record. As it were. As for the rear view..

We neither need nor wish to see Katy’s arse and the whole ensemble makes her look as if she is standing in the shower. Plus the purple hair is putrid. No one looks good with purple hair. Except perhaps a cuddly toy and then only in certain circumstances.

Next up we have proper film star Jane Fonda, seen here wearing Balmain. These days Jane is to be seen attending the opening of an envelope.

If Kermit the Frog had sex with a cucumber, this is what their child would look like. As for the gold chains, they passeth all understanding.

Young singer Charli XCX never fails to appal. Here she is wearing Moschino.

She looks like the bridegroom at a cheap Las Vegas wedding, you know the sort where you are married by someone dressed as Elvis. And the RSPCA needs to investigate how that giant pink poodle met its demise….

And then there was singer Ciara wearing WTF  bugbear Alexandre Vauthier.

Ciara is beautiful but here she looks as if she came off second best in a catfight.

This is Bill Keliher, rhythm guitarist from Mastodon. What is he wearing?

This is just so awesomely terrible that one can but hope that he was either taking the piss or moonlighting as a children’s entertainer. Green shoes! Matching frilly shirt! Unforgiveable.

Then there was Albanian shocker, soi-disant singer Bleona Qereti.

After showing us her all in a sparkling fishing net at the AMAs, Bleona turned up at the Grammys looking like a Cyborg busy blowing smoke out of its bottom. Her minge appears to have caught fire.  If only….

Next we have Rihanna wearing Giambattista Valli.

RiRi usually goes everywhere wearing not just tits and arse but minge. However, this move from no material to lots of material is just as gloriously OTT. Giambattista has clearly been inspired by Katie Price’s wedding coach and the dress offers about the same amount of room.


And now Joy Villa (what do you mean, who?) wearing Andre Soriano.

Here’s the rear view….

It is one thing to wear a traffic stopping gown in order to get noticed. It is quite another to do so by wearing one made from the netting used to cordon off road works. The good news is that she is wearing a thong. The bad news is that it is lilac and you can see it. And her arse. 


Talking of arse, we must of course include Madonna wearing Givenchy.

Madonna is 56 and a superstar multi-millionaire. Why she still feels the need to flash her arse is unclear. But of course she did.

Madonna. Just fuck right off. You and your heaving breasts and your bare arse and your stupid outfits and your hideous peep-toe boots with screwdriver heels. WTF has previously complained that Madonna has a Pavlovian reaction to every situation, namely to get her arse out. She probably does it  when she opens the door to the postman. It is boring. And another thing. A toreador would not flash his arse because the bull would gore it with his horns. Where is that bull when you want him…

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There was no room for It’s Got To Go this week but keep supplying your splendid suggestions and your comments and let us meet again on Friday. Be good x

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4 Responses to WTF Tits Are Being Worn This Year Special

  1. Sue says:

    Great intro, also dear oh dear, Madonna….x

  2. Joyce says:

    Rihanna looks like one of those dollies made to hide toilet rolls. As for Madonna – such desperation …….. As for the world’s favourite bank – maybe just maybe it’ll be the first in, hopefully a long line of banks, to face criminal charges.

  3. Lottie says:

    Ciara looks as though she has very, very low-slung boobs.

    Please could we have Madonna as a Got To Go? She has spent the last 30-odd years being very annoying with her squeaky little ‘singing’ voice, and now she is embarrassing too. Just put it away, dear, and go count your money.

  4. Well said RE bankers or should that be W*****S?
    Well said RE Madonna.
    That orange monstrosity… did she not cut herself?
    At least Rihanna is covered up.

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