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Hallo Readers, 

And so, it is over. Not Sir Keir Starmer’s turn as Prime Minister, which came to an end on Monday morning when he popped into the Palace to tender his resignation to the King. WTF refers to the World Cup, which came to an end on Sunday evening in New Jersey. After an appallingly attritional two hours of alleged football, Spain finally managed to put a goal past the Argentine goalkeeper, thus sparing us the misery of a penalty shootout. There were times when bemused viewers were justified in wondering whether they were watching football or cage fighting; and after the final whistle went, they witnessed actual physical assaults by one or two Argentine players on their victorious opponents. That is, if viewers were still awake at that point. Apart from the fact that only one team seemed interested in trying to score a goal, other horrors were foisted upon us. We have already had to suffer hydration breaks, i.e. ad breaks, even in air conditioned stadiums. Now there was a half time “show”, which extended the usual 15 minutes to half an hour; this included Madonna, with another brand new face as shiny as a billiard ball; Justin Bieber boring us into a near coma; Shakira trying valiantly to wake us up again with some rather good dancing; and some frightful children warbling away under the direction of Chris Martin from Coldplay. It is rare for Wayne Rooney to speak for the nation, but on this occasion, he was right on the money when he described the spectacle as “crap”. And it was – a veritable stadium-full of elephant turds.

At least we had the solace of witnessing the Rancid Kumquat being roundly booed by most of the stadium as he came out to present the trophy. Given that he had spent most of the previous week slagging off Spain for failing to support his cretinous war against Iran – you know, the one now in its fifth great month, despite us being told that it would all be done and dusted in a fortnight – it was hardly surprising that Spanish supporters would give him the bird, not to mention the cohort of liberal lefties and luvvies who were also in attendance. Even more entertaining was the entirely predictable attempt by the Rancid Kumquat to insert himself into the victory celebrations, despite valiant efforts by a surprisingly polite Rodri and others to usher him away. Eventually, Gianni Infantino was forced to run across the podium in his preposterously pristine white trainers to try and steer him to the side, like a geriatric nurse who had temporarily lost sight of his patient. Regular readers will know that WTF abhors the US President, but even she was struck by the pathos of an elderly man unable to grasp that people simply did not want him around. Had Infantino possessed a shepherd’s hook, he could have hoicked him away; but sadly, it was too late to keep the old fool out of the photos, which have since been cropped to delete his orange face and bemused expression. If only the World could do the same….

As for FIFA, Infantino has meticulously inserted himself so far up the Presidential rectum that you need radar to find him. Scandalously, FIFA rented an office in Trump Tower on 5th Avenue, even though it was never used. Ticket prices were outrageously high, with transport to the stadiums costing 10 times its usual price. And of course, when an American player received a red card and was banned from playing against Belgium, the Rancid Kumquat needed only to phone his mate for him to be reinstated. In return, Infantino attended the Inauguration last year, as well as the launch of the Board of Peace (remember the Board of Peace??) And now the Rancid Kumquat has proposed him as the next Secretary-General of the UN. Seriously. Fortunately, it is unlikely that the job will pay enough.

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And so to the fabled WTF Summer Stinker Poll, where 20 celebrities compete for the coveted title of the Summer Stinker 2o26. WTF can confidently assert that this selection is BAD. Remember that they are arranged in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference whatsoever on WTF’s part. So now it is over to you, dear Readers. All you have to do is to peruse this shocking collection of shite and decide which one of them, or more than one of them, is worthy of top place on the podium. Do not worry about that Single Transferable Vote nonsense. Just make your picks, as many as you like, tick the circles by the name or names of those picks, and then come back and vote again as often as you like. And hopefully, you will like the idea of doing so a lot. Voting closes at midnight BST on Thursday  30 July 2026, and the results will be announced on Friday, 31 July 2026.

Off we go!!

1.  Caleb McLaughlin, American actor.

There are ruffles; and there is looking as if you have been disembowelled, like a scene out of House of the Dragon, where disembowelling is definitely a thing. And that is before you got to the pointy red pumps on the Red Carpet.

 

2. Cardi B, American rapper.

Yikes. What was in all those bags??? Were they spare pairs of tits? Rolls of fat? Rebarbative.

 

3. Chappell Roan, American singer.

It remains unclear to WTF whether the dress, worn to the Grammys, is being held up by Chappell’s real nipples, or by some faux-nipples. But either way, they should not be on display.

 

4. Charles Melton, American actor.

Charles turned up to Louis Vuitton’s Menswear show in Paris Fashion Week dressed as Queen Elizabeth 11 at Balmoral. All he needed was some corgis.

 

5. Charli XCX, British singer.

Charli XCX wore a Spanx slip under a frilly see-through cagoule to the Sundance Film Festival. And those slithery-looking shoes were plain ugly and made her feet looks as if they had gone mouldy.

 

6. Cristian Azazel, Italian fashionista.

Meet Lurch in shades, a red leather coat, which trailed along the floor, and a Kelly bag. Ridiculous.

 

7. Christine McGuinness, British “celebrity”.

If there is a point to Christine, WTF has yet to have it brought to her attention. It is as if she would do anything for the sake of getting herself seen, even if the price of that ambition is to walk the Red Carpet with her tits falling out of a bodice three sizes too small and her nipples on the verge of making an imminent appearance.

 

8. Doja Cat, American singer. 

Doja Cat stormed London’s Carnaby Street dressed as a Victorian doxy. WTF might have forgiven her for that, were it not for the red stains on her crinoline, which looked suspiciously menstrual.

 

9. Jacob Alon, British singer.

WTF is unfamiliar with Jacob’s oevre, and for all she knows, he might be terrific. But none of that excused his turning up at the Brits dressed as a metallic extra from Jesus Christ Superstar, complete with an anti-macassar worn as a top, and heeled suede bootees. And a silver thingy on his nose, the purpose of which is unknown.

 

10. Kara Marni, British singer-songwriter.

And here is Kara at the same event.  She was dressed as an Eygptian slavegirl with an imminent Minge Moment, due to the fact that something or someone seems to have been nibbling at the leather trim on the top of her alleged skirt.

 

11. Keith Power, American actor.

The coat was great. But coats are not usually worn with shortie pyjamas and bare legs in socks and brogues. Did he come out in a hurry? 

 

12. Kim Kardashian, American “celebrity”  and SKIMS magnate.

To be fair, it was the Met Gala. But the fibreglass titties and the bellybutton indentation were just plain disturbing, as was the orange peel skirt.

 

13. Lena Dunham, American actor and writer. 

Lena attended the Met Gala dressed as an exploded red cockatoo in Valentino Rockstud pumps.

 

14. Lizzo, American singer.

At least, unlike Chappell Roan, we know these to be faux nipples. But they were still unpleasant to behold; which is a pity, because the dress was otherwise rather nice and a great colour.

 

15. Lola Young, British singer.

Lola went to the Brits wearing a tyre as a top and a pair of trousers made out of linoleum offcuts. Neither of which was flattering.

 

16. Loreen, Swedish singer.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This is not a Mick Jagger cross-dressing tribute act. This is Loreen wobbling about on a boiling-hot day during Paris Fashion Week,  trying to keep cool in the top half of a nightie, made worse by reptilian nails and perilous platform sandals which were too big for her, while threatening horrified onlookers with an imminent Minge Moment.

 

17. Natasha Lyonne, American actor.

Natasha likes quirky, but quirky is not the word for flashing your tits under a mesh top and wearing a fanny frond. Yurgle.

 

18. Rosalìa, Spanish singer.

Rosalìa walked around New York dressed in a slithery condom, a gunslinger’s belt and a tutu, complete with pelvis peek. Where was she going?

 

19. Shaun Ross, American actor.

Shaun hit the Red Carpet wearing a monk’s habit made out of the sort of lagging used for heating appliances. Why?

 

20. Stephen Libby, British celebrity (winner of the recent UK series of The Traitors).

Apologies to WTF aficionado Hana, who begged WTF to omit Stephen, such is her deep affection for him. Hana maintained that he was very well dressed on The Traitors, and maybe he was. But on this occasion, he resembled the love child of Harlequin and an ice lolly.

 

OK Readers, over to you. Vote early! Vote often! WTF will be back with the results in the next blog on 31 July 2026.  Be good x