Hallo Readers,
Welcome to a new edition of Prime Ministerial Putsch. To be fair, everyone thought that this series, which was incredibly successful during the last Tory Government, with four new Tory Leaders between 2016 and 2022, was thought to have passed its prime, or should that be Prime Minister. But now, unexpectedly, it has made a comeback. And what a shitshow. No, honestly, it is so embarrassing. If you are going to stick the stiletto into the head honcho, do it properly! Plan ahead a bit! If you are a Labour MP, first make sure that you have a parliamentary seat, in compliance with Labour Party rules. Make sure that you have 81 punters willing to back you to the hilt, that being the hilt of the blade you are intending to plunge into the Prime Ministerial back. If this really were a TV show, it would be taken off for bad ratings before the third episode. If we cannot trust you to stage a coup properly, how are we supposed to trust you to run the country, stand up to the Rancid Kumquat and kick Nigel Farage where it hurts?
So where are we? The Prime Minister is still barricaded in no 10 and is not planning to leave just yet. Nor should he, given that nobody eligible to succeed him has actually stood up said “I am challenging you”. Well, except a lady called Catherine West, who is the MP for Hornsey in North London and who is not even a household word in her own household. Last weekend, West said that unless the PM stood down, she would challenge him. Then, 24 hours later, she said that she might not challenge him if he made a good speech on the Monday. (Starmer never makes a good speech, because he is a terrible orator. How did he make a living at the Bar? #baffled). Anyway, come Monday, it was clear that although Starmer made a dull speech that had nothing to do with the price of fish, West had fewer supporters than WTF’s teddy bear, so that was the end of her. Then Andy Burnham, the extravagantly-eyelashed Mayor of Manchester, who has not been an MP for 9 years, announced that he had a prospective seat to fight, Makerfield, near Wigan in Lancashire. The present incumbent, a person called Josh Simons (who makes Catherine West’s public profile look like Madonna’s), will step down to let Burnham fight in his stead. Sadly, the seat is a massive pile of poo, and likely to fall straight into the lap of Reform. Either Symons is the North-West’s answer to Sydney Carton or he knows the seat is hopeless and is taking an early bath, or he is setting Burnham up for a massive fall. And if Burnham does fall, he will be neither an MP nor Mayor of Manchester.
Of the other other runners and riders, Wes Streeting, or should that be Where’s Streeting, resigned from the Cabinet but yet to declare himself as a candidate; possibly on the grounds that he has yet not found the 81 punters required. “Friends and close allies” of his are telling journos off the record that he will be standing, which is a bit like sending your mate to tell a girl you fancy thast you fancy her. Also warming up on the sidelines is former Deputy Leader Angela Rayner, who had to step down following a little local difficulty with the Inland Revenue, which has now apparently been resolved in her favour. WTF can think of no question to which Rayner is the answer. And, ludicrously, there is talk of Energy Secretary Ed Miliband, who led the party a decade ago, was roundly thrashed by David Cameron in 2015, and who is seeking to disprove the old adage that a dog never goes back to its vomit. At this rate, Peppa Pig will enter the race by Monday. Meanwhile, Pickfords – do not roll up to 10 Downing Street any time soon. Your services are on hold.
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We start our review of the week’s ridiculous rags in New York at the opening of the Ballet Season with actor Diane Kruger, wearing Erdem.
Short of having something to wear, Diane nipped backstage, raided the wardrobe, took the costumes intended for Swan Lake, dunked them in ink and tied some ribbons on her bra. Yurgle.
Arrrrrgh. WTF hates exposed bellybuttons almost above all things. As for the alleged dress, it appears to feature some giant pustules and a hosepipe.
And here is regular Amanda Holden, whom WTF cannot abide, wearing Basil Soda.
Never mind Basil Soda, WTF needed a whisky and soda when she saw this. Yes, Amanda has a fabulous figure, but why do we have to see so much of it, so often? As one of Stephen Sondheim’s finest lyrics goes “Once, yes, once for a lark. twice, though, loses the spark. One must never deny it, but after you try it.
you vary the diet”. She looks like a belly dancer, and not in a good way.
And this is actor Jorgie Porter, wearing Intogaia.
Amanda mini-me with a vajazzle.
This is a person called Joe Baggs who is a digital creator wearing Charlie Roy.
Oh, go away you silly man. George Clooney did it way better in Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
And this combines the fashion section of the blog and It’s Got To Go. Meet Christine McGuinness, celebritee and former Real Housewife of Cheshire between 2018 and 2020, wearing a House of Alvin corset and a Sydney Lane skirt. And tits and lips by A N Other.
Desperation made (ample) flesh. Her main claim to fame is that she used to be married to another celebritee, Paddy McGuinness and was a Real Housewife for two years. She campaigns for autism awareness, which is good. She will do anything for fame, which is not good. Recently she came out as a lesbian, but may not be a lesbian. Who knows, who cares? Anyway, this outfit is absolutely horrendous, a 20-car pileup. NO ONE HAS TITS LIKE THAT. Pull that bloody top up, love. You look like Bryon Noem, the husband of Plastic Barbie, Kristi Noem, sometime Secretary of Homeland Security. It turns out that Bryon, a devout Christian, had a penchant for stuffing balloons down his shirt and talking to very large-chested ladies (it’s called bimbofication, apparently) on Zoom at $25 a minute.
Christine was a shoo-in for the WTF Summer Stinker until WTF caught sight of this next one, fashion designer and stylist Kyle De’Volle (he/him), attending the première of the second series of Rivals. Mind yourselves…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! In what way is this anything other than rebarbative? Just. Go,=, Away.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. So sorry about the late publication, not to mention the premature publication of this week’s edition. It’s been a very, very busy week. keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go and DO NOT STINT ON YOUR COMMENTS. Just saying. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
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