wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

Have you voted in the WTF Summer Stinker Poll yet? If not, why not? Get on with it! You have another week. And even if you have voted, you can vote again  – and again.

Meanwhile, the election chugs on relentlessly, both here and in the US. Even an obsessive like WTF did not stay up till silly o’clock to watch two elderly gentleman try to convince the world that the other is the more gaga. She recorded it instead and will be watching this morning, probably from behind the sofa with a sick bucket on hand. Not that it is much better on this side of the Atlantic. On the contrary, it is dismal. Were it not for this ridiculous betting scandal, everyone would by now have died of boredom. Several times over. So here is WTF’s shortlist for those who deserve a slap for very very poor showings in the 2024 Bore Off.

1. Nigel Farage. That he is an unscrupulous liar and bullshit artist comes as a surprise to absolutely nobody. But it turns out that among the many nasty things he has caught by inserting his head into Donald Trump’s bottom is a major dose of pro-Putinism, which he revealed in an interview last Friday night on the BBC. According to Farage, poor Putin was positively pushed into invading Ukraine by nasty NATO, and because countries kept wanting to join it, and were allowed to do so – apart of course from Ukraine. This Kremlin propaganda has been spouted by right-wing US politicians for a while now and now it has crossed the Atlantic. Disgusting. 

2. Kemi Badenoch and David Tennant. Tennant, a fervent trans-rights activist, tore into Badenoch, the alleged minister for women, and speculated on what it would be like to live in a world where she had disappeared. In any event, his advice to her was to shut up. WTF has no time whatsoever for Badenoch, but it does not behove a man to tell women to shut up when they are voicing legitimate concerns about the derogation of women’s rights to their own private spaces. However, Badenoch responded by suggesting that Tennant had singled her out as the only black woman in the cabinet. Which was bollocks.

3. Every creep who thought it was a good idea to stick money on the date of the election down the bookies, when they may well have had some inside knowledge of when it would be. What a farce. And they wonder why people despise politicians.

4. The Labour Party front bench. God forbid any of them could answer a bloody question in a straightforward, informative and open way. And that includes Starmer. It is amazing that WTF has any crockery left in her cupboards, such has been the urge to chuck the colourful Italian hand-painted stoneware at the walls. If she hears one more putative Cabinet minister dodge the question about whether women have penises or why they supported Jeremy Corbyn in 2019 or why they are doing nothing about the benefits cap on two children, she will spend the rest of the year eating off paper plates. Perhaps once Labour is installed in office, they may deign to tell us more. But it does not augur well. Not so much a vigorous application of a new broom, more a desultory flick with a feather duster.

5. The Tory party front bench. What a complete shower. Most of them appear to have run for the hills. The others, with the honourable, or rather the dishonourable, exception of Mel Stride, who at least gives it a go, are reduced to begging people to vote Tory in order to let them at least form the rump of an opposition. Vote for us so that we are not wiped out is hardly an inspiring campaign motto. As for Sunak, he continues to lie about the £2,000 tax hike Labour will impose whilst maintaining the petulant air of the head prefect about to be demoted to kit boy.

6. And talking of kit boy, the England men’s football team. They’ve Got to Go.  Yes, they finished top of the group, but they were so listless, joyless and witless that the nation started remembering all sorts of household tasks that needed doing and which could not wait until the final whistle. WTF was seriously contemplating creosoting the shed. And she doesn’t even have a shed. It may well be that Gareth Southgate has a cunning plan to bore the rest of the teams into a stupor and then pop a few goals into the back of the net, but the problem is that the skills on view are so sparse that by the time it gets to Sunday, and our epic match against mighty Slovakia, no one will give a toss. At least the fans seem to be behaving, although that is probably because the cost of a beer in Germany is so expensive, they have to share one litre between five.  There is more entertainment to be had in speculating why ITV cannot afford some stools for its panellists and whether Roy Keane will make it to the end of the tournament without either decking someone or just exploding with fury.

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Our survey of the week’s fashion flotsam is all from Paris, where designers were parading their wares and Vogue threw a massive bash in the Place Vendôme just because it could. The resulting clothing is so bad that WTF began to wonder whether last week ever happened, and whether this week was the Summer Stinker Poll rather than last week. We start with actor  Colman Domingo wearing Louis Vuitton by Pharrell Williams.

Aw, bless. Pharrell has always been a fan of flashing his patellae and now here is Colman attired like a Prairie schoolgirl en route to salute the Star Spangled Banner.

Also gracing the front rows was actor Paul Mescal, wearing Gucci.

Clearly this outfit was inspired by the men in Monty Python’s Flying Circus with their hankies on their head.

Singer Katy Perry has the dubious honour of featuring in two vile outfits in the same edition which, like hurricanes in Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, hardly ever happen. First, she is wearing vintage Noir Kei Ninomiya on the runway at the Vogue: Paris event. 

Basically, this is a trellis with Katy standing behind it, a garden hiding her lady garden, while sporting a pair of saucy bootees.

And THIS is Katy, this time in a Balenciaga coat and torn pantyhose at that house’s show.

The expression ‘all fur coat and no knickers’ made flesh. Way, way, too much flesh.

Next up, bitsflasher Bianca Censori out for dinner, wearing not enough.

Is she disguised as a Mummy because she is finally making a bolt for freedom from her mad husband Kanye West? Sadly, the binding has come undone, leaving her – as per usual – with her tits akimbo. Mind you, how far can she get in those ridiculous mules?

Model and actor Cara Delevigne wearing vintage Jean Paul Gaultier.

Honker honkers and a sea of suspenders……She should be reported to to the World Wildlife Fund. And to the Fashion Police.

Moschino designer Jeremy Scott wearing, er, Jeremy Scott. 

If Count Dracula went to a fancy dress party as Steve Tyler from Aerosmith, this is what he would look like.

Stylist Elias Medini wearing who even knows what this is?

Another one with the fur? It is boiling hot in Europe and he is poncing around the Place Vendôme like something out of Dr Zhivago Does Leopardskin, with a couple of mini R2-D2s on his feet. 

And finally, actor Jared Leto wearing Martin Margiela. 

And it is even worse without the Bridgerton frock coat….

If Jesus Christ wore black boxers, leather topboots, red gloves (or are those hands dipped in blood?) and a plastic pack-a-mac, this is what he would look like. Yurgle.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not forget to keep voting in the Summer Stinker Poll.  Also send in your excellent comments and suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday where we will find out both the results of the general election and the winner of the Stinker. England might also have managed to play a decent game of football. What a time it is to be alive! Be good x