wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

On any view, Natalie Elphicke MP is ghastly. She became the MP for Dover and Deal in 2019 after her husband Charlie Elphicke stepped down after being charged with sexual assault on two different women. Mrs Elphicke romped home with the majority of 12,228. In July 2020, Mr Elphicke was duly convicted and Mrs Elphicke announced their separation, ending a 25 year marriage. In September of that year, Mr Elphicke was banged up for two years. Despite being separated from him, Mrs Elphicke turned up at court for the sentencing hearing, and subsequently appeared to defend her husband, saying that the court seemed to have been “on a bit of a mission” and that albeit that her husband had “behaved badly”, he was “charming, wealthy, charismatic and successful – attractive and attracted to women”, which made him “an easy target for dirty politics and false allegations”. Mrs Elphicke is or was a lawyer but appears to have scant regard for the rule of law and the principle that men found guilty of sexually assaulting women, not once, not twice, but thrice, whether attractive or otherwise, deserve to see the inside of a cell and to stay there for some time. Subsequently, Mrs Elphicke divorced her spouse but nevertheless  lobbied senior judges about her husband’s sentencing appeal, for which she and four others were found guilty by the House of Commons Select Committee on Standards and were given a one-day suspension. 

No-one lasts long as a Tory MP in Dover without lambasting migrants, particularly those who land in little boats nearby. Mrs Elphicke did not disappoint her constituents, becoming a forceful campaigner against immigration and urging the government to stop the boats, ship people off to Rwanda and leave the European C0nvention on Human Rights. Her other notable gift to public life was to attack Marcus Rashford after he missed a penalty in the final of the Euros in 2022, tweeting that perhaps he should have spent more time “perfecting his game”and less time “playing politics”, this after Rashford had put the Tory government to shame by campaigning for free school meals during Covid and forcing Boris Johnson into yet another humiliating u-turn.

It was therefore something of a surprise when Mrs Elphicke, who had already announced that she would be standing down as an MP at the next election, crossed the floor just before Prime Minister’s Question Time on Wednesday and joined Labour. Most of her new colleagues were aghast. Admittedly this Labour party is flipping and flopping like a dolphin on hallucinogenic drugs but even Keir Starmer is unlikely to pursue the new Rwanda law or to leave the ECHR. Mrs Elphicke’s displeasure with Rishi Sunak was that he was not being hard enough on immigration, not that he was being too soft. Go figure. Perhaps the joy of giving him a bloody nose was enough for her. Some commentators think that this is a great triumph for Starmer, as it will attract more Tories into the party. Even if that is true, it is bewildering that lifelong Labour activists like Diane Abbott have had the whip taken from them while Mrs Elphicke has been allowed to take it up. Bewildering and distasteful.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion follies at the Annual Met Gala in New York where this year’s theme was officially “sleeping beauties – reawakening fashion”  but was also  “Garden of Time”. We start with Doja Cat wearing Vetements.

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Mr Darcy hopped on a plane from East Midlands Airport and flew to New York. Doja arrived at the event dry and wrapped in a towel so the mind boggles as to how they drenched the dress before she hit the red carpet. Did they hose her down? Did they throw bottles 0f Evian over her? Or like the end of a grand prix, did they spray her with jeroboams of champagne?

Actor Reece Feldman wearing Thom Browne.

Older readers may recall the peerless Margaret Rutherford, the best ever Miss Prism in The Importance of Being Earnest and a fine Miss Marple. Reece and Thom clearly got the same vibe. The shoes are terrible but WTF confesses to a sneaking admiration for the handbag (his, not hers).

Model Amelia Gray wearing Undercover.

Oh no, it’s another fish bowl dress. We had one of these a few weeks ago on Indian actor Urfi Javed and now it has  turned up on Amelia. And it lights up. How do you sit down? How do you wee? And why would you wear it?

Actor Jeremy Pope wearing Tanner Fletcher.

Jeremy has gone full Jean Harlow, what with the undergarments and the peignoir. It is frightful. But WTF is puzzled, and then puzzled some m0re, about the suspender belt perched on his shoulders. Admittedly, there is a phrase about women with legs up to their armpits but surely that is a just a figure of speech? 

Singer Dua Lipa wearing Marc Jacobs.

So we had Jeremy as Jean Harlow and now we have Dua as Michael Jackson, complete with codpiece. Is there any point to the skirt?  Is it even a skirt? Surely the point of a skirt is that it starts around the waist department, or at least the hips?

French singer Aya Nakamura wearing Balmain. 

Ouch! And triple ouch!! Either the dress is too small or her tits are too big. Or both. It would have been less painful to have taken a cheesewire to them.

Actor Chloe Sevigny wearing Dilara Findikoglu.

As WTF aficionado Alessandra remarked, “it looks like Chloe forgot to use sanitary pads. In your words…Yurgle! 🤮🤮🤮🤮”.

Fashionista Jordan Roth wearing Valentino Haute Couture.

On his instagram, Jordan wrote of his outfit “ The Green Leaves. A piece about the life cycle… of a flower, of a garment, of us. A piece that captures not a moment in, but the totality of the process of living – budding, developing, blooming, decaying, and back to the Earth. All of which is beauty, the process of which is beauty”. And if that is not worthy of a slap around the chops, WTF does not know what it is. Meanwhile, what does he have on his head? If a flower maypole went to a garden party in hijab and gloves, this is what it would look like.

Designer Harris Reed wearing himself.

This is simultaneously mad and magnificent, what with the wings and the flowing hair and the blue robes like Saint Michael vanquishing Satan disguised as a dragon.

Of course she is here! WTF speaks of singer Rita Ora wearing Marni and her spouse Taika Waititi wearing an old leather sofa and a Jacob watch worth $1,100,000.

The watch is nice, even though you would need a team of bodyguards to guard your wrist whenever you popped outdoors. As for his wife, she is wearing a beaded fly screen. And of course baring her arse. Again. She and Bianca Censori should go out to dinner together.

And in a rare accolade, a second entry for Rita, this time en route to the afterparty, still clad in Marni and this time accompanied by Marni designer Francesco Risso.

Rita has already flashed her arse on the red carpet, and so it is hardly surprising that as night follows day, tits follow arse. She is still in the same bodysuit, but this time she has a fanny flower. Why is she so shy of revealing her minge? It is surely only a matter of time. As for Francesco, it takes some gall for the designer of high end fashion to turn up at a fashion party wearing a torn and tattered suit, like something out of the Ragged Trousered Philanthropists.

And lastly, Norwegian fish billionaire Gustav Magnar Witzoe  wearing custom Versace.

Well, it is certainly following the adage, go big or go home but it is also gildedly stark raving bonkers. He looks as if he should be perched on top of a cake.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those brilliant comments coming as well as your suggestions for It’s Got to Go which had to go this week for reasons of space. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x