wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It has been quite a week for former president Donald J Trump who seems to be spending more time in court than the  casts of The Lincoln Lawyer, LA Law, Suits, Law and Order, Perry Mason, and Ally McBeal combined. The male patron saint of lawyers is St Ivo, and the female patron saint is St Catherine, but although WTF is sure that they have both done their bit for m’learned friends here, in the USA and everywhere, no one in the 21st century has splashed the cash, albeit other people’s cash, on the legal profession more than Trump. In Manhattan, he is currently facing charges of influencing the 2016 election by paying off porn actress Stormy Daniels, to whom he had given one in a Las Vegas hotel, through dodgy dealings carried out by his dodgier-than-dodgy-as-fuck lawyer, Michael Cohen. Cohen is said to have set up an iffy company in Delaware, put money into it from his own account, paid Daniels under an assumed name and was then reimbursed by a Trump company as a purported legal expense to hide the tawdry episode a decade earlier while Melania Trump was at home nursing baby son Barron. Trump initially denied even knowing Daniels, let alone giving her one, and he also denied knowing anything about the payment. He now claims that the payment was purely for legal services, seeing how Cohen was a lawyer and all (he has since been struck off, in common with several others who have taken the Trump retainer), and anyway so what if he did and it is all election interference and crooked Joe Biden is behind it all and masterminded Trump’s prosecution, while simultaneously alleging that Biden is completely gaga and unable to remember his own name. Trump is highly indignant at having to attend court on a daily basis as if he were a criminal defendant or something – oh, hang on – and is complaining bitterly that not only is he missing out on his campaigning in swing states (while also claiming that he is leading, and leading by a lot) but that he is also being denied the opportunity to go to Barron’s graduation (not that he attended the graduation of any of his other children) and that he was also unable to attend his other case this week in the Supreme Court, (not that he turned up the last time). Given the reports that he has spent his time in the Manhattan courtroom alternatively falling asleep, glaring and farting, it is probably just as well that the nine justices were spared his presence. Even the three of them whom he appointed, and the one (Clarence Thomas) whose wife played a huge part in undermining the 2020 election, one of the many charges Trump faces.

The Supreme Court case in Washington DC, which could have been heard months ago had some members of the Court been minded to get on with it, which clearly they were not, concerns Trump’s preposterous claim that a President of the United States has complete immunity from prosecution. The correct legal term for this argument is “bollocks” and even the five right-of-Genghis-Khan justices on the Court seemed to have difficulty in taking it seriously. So instead, they will just delay handing down judgment to make sure that no other criminal trial can take place before November. It appears that when Trump said he could shoot someone on 5th Ave and not lose a single vote, he also meant that he would not have to spend a single day inside either. Scholars have been quick to point out that none of the previous 46 Presidents, apart of course from Trump himself, have ever felt the need to ask for complete immunity but then no other President has faced criminal indictments for conspiracy, dishonesty and jiggery pokery not to mention civil claims for rape, sexual assault and tax evasion. If he were to win in the Supreme Court, the state and federal criminal claims against him would all go away. If only he would…….

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We start our review of the week’s outrageous outfits in Paris with actor Emily Blunt wearing Loewe at the première of her new blockbuster, The Fall Guy.

There is plenty of room in those trousers for co-star Ryan Gosling to get in them too and the black belt is perplexing, but not nearly as perplexing as the choice of fabric, like Peter Rabbit’s bedspread. 

Now we are off to the Time Earth Awards in New York and here is actor Jodie Comer wearing Gabriela Hearst.

The leather body is positively thrush-inducing and the alleged skirt is having an argument with her waistline. Did she grab a net curtain and wrap it round her when she couldn’t find her proper one, like a  kiddie playing zombie bride?

Still in New York and the premiere of SUFFS attended by the editor-in-chief of Vogue Anna Wintour wearing something frightful.

Anna has had that hairstyle for about as long as Her Late Majesty The Queen had hers and she must own about 100 pairs of those silly strappy sandals because she is always wearing them. And WTF hates people wearing sunglasses at night almost above all things. Meanwhile, isn’t the editor-of-chief of Vogue supposed to be super-chic? Instead of wearing this nonsensical raincoat which blends concentration camp chic and Charlie Chaplin’s pyjamas? 

Here we are in London with makeup mogul Charlotte Tilbury at Victoria Beckham’s 50th birthday party.

WTF did not realise that Victoria had thrown a fancy dress party to mark her half century but what other reason could there have been for Charlotte to turn up looking like Harry Potter’s pervy sister? WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire lost no time in contacting the blog when she caught sight of Charl0tte in the papers and sagely observed that a bustier is rarely flattering to the fuller figure. And she was not wrong.

This is actor Lucy Boynton at the launch in Hulu’s The Greatest hits wearing Chanel.

Lucy is very pretty but even she cannot pull off a white sheer skirt over white tights making her appear to have a terminal case of frostbite, while the combination of the skirt, tights and jacket makes her look like a floral ice lolly.

Oh Lord, they are back. Yes, here are singer Sam Smith wearing who can even say what this is?

WTF aficionado Annie Bishop from Yorkshire could hardly believe her eyes when she saw Sam walking down the street in his black gown, last seen on a Greek Orthodox priest, and a Prada Handbag. Just. Go. Away. (Sam, not Annie).

This next one is bad. Make that bad. Say hallo to celebritee Chloe Ferry at the Shein pop up in Liverpool wearing, of course, Shein. Or Sheit, as WTF likes to call it. And you will soon see why…..

All together now….

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! That is as bad a case of cameltoe as WTF has seen in years. No one wants to see labia. And if they do, they can go and look at porn. Yurgle. What have the Scousers done to deserve this?

Finally, we are at the Save Venice Gala in New York with the preposterous and pretentious Chilean fashionista di Mondo wearing an outfit by his partner Eric Javits.

Venice should be saved from Di Mondo and so should we all. WTF will never forgive Angelina Jolie for that bloody pose ten years ago. Since then everyone has been at it, doubtless doing horrible things to their spine in the process. And here is di Mondo dressed like the background of a Mar a Lago wedding. Let us hope that he does not suffer from hay fever. Or perhaps let us hope that he does. Yurgle.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x