wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to the last blog of 2023. Before we get to the serious business of the Christmas Turkey Poll 2023, it is time for the final rant of the year.

The UK’s choice of singer at next year’s Eurovision Song Contest, Olly Alexander, was announced last Saturday. Everyone seemed to be pleased as Alexander is a very talented singer as well as an actor. However, as usual, the celebrations did not last long. On Thursday morning, WTF was enjoying her breakfast egg while listening to the radio when she heard that Alexander was being asked to step down and, if he did not do so, that the BBC should sack him. Why? Because he had endorsed a statement by gay rights charity Voices4London which had described Israel’s government as ‘an apartheid regime’ and criticised what it called ‘Zionist propaganda’. Jewish groups were up in arms, as were those Tory newspapers which are becoming increasingly desperate to stave off electoral defeat by criticising everything to do with the BBC, including who warbles the country’s entry in Malmö in the spring. An unnamed Tory MP told the Daily Telegraph , ‘Letting an openly anti-Israel singer compete on the same stage as Israel is either a massive oversight or sheer brass neck from the BBC’. Of course some might think that Israel’s recent bomb-fest might be disqualifying of it competing at all, and, by the way, since when was Israel part of Europe? Although the same question can be asked of Australia.

WTF does not agree with Alexander’s sentiments. She also wishes to point out that Gaza is hardly a gay- friendly spot. Nevertheless, this is a country where you are permitted a political opinion and where your political opinion is protected by statute, namely the Equality Act 2010. Alexander is as entitled to his opinion as anybody else, and the fact that it offends Jewish organisations and Tory MPs, not to mention the Daily Telegraph, does not mean that he cannot belt out a tune as a representative of this country in a stupid song contest. WTF also notes that those people who constantly drone on about cancel culture and how deplorable it is appear to be perfectly at ease with cancelling anybody with whose opinion they disagree. Including of course the BBC’s highest paid star, Gary Lineker, who, according to Grant Shapps and others, should stick to football and not dare to have an opinion on anything other than the beauty of Bukayo Saka’s crosses and whether Manchester United are on the skids. Let people say what they like and think what they like. And this includes people who seemed to feel that anybody expressing a gender critical opinion should never be allowed to open their mouths in public again. WTF is sick of it. It’s called freedom of speech, people. Live with it. Or bugger off and live elsewhere.

*****************************************************************************

And so we turn to the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey Poll with 16 horrible fashion choices for you from the second half of the year. None of that single transferable vote nonsense here. Too complicated. Just vote as often as you like and for as many people as you like and keep going until the poll closes of Thursday 4 January at 23 59 GMT. The blog will be back on Friday 5 January 2024 with the results, more terrible fashion, It’s Got To Go and the usual rant. 

Here are the runners and riders……. have a receptacle handy.

1. Bianca Censori, Australian architect and Kanye West’s wife. Kanye is muffled up in the white like a Kandahar widow but is not a candidate in this poll.

Bianca has long since ceased to wear anything resembling actual outfits but she reached the pinnacle of ‘that’s not even clothes’ by parading around an art exhibition in Miami with her nips and arse-cheeks on show and holding a giant teddy bear as a minge mask. Oh, and wearing a fur hat. Apparently Kanye ‘styles’ his wife. She needs a new stylist. And a new husband.

2. Coco Rocha, Canadian model.

Coco turned up at the Business of Fashion Awards in a disco ball and a pair of horse hooves. As you do. WTF has yet to work out whether she was wearing the ball or standing behind it. Or how she sat down in it or got through doorways.

3. Cynthia Erivo, British actor.

Louis Vuitton dressed Cynthia as Superwoman in a shiny cape, sandals and an eye-wateringly expensive handbag. How does Superwoman fly with a handbag? Does she hang it around her neck by the chain?

4. Dion Dawkins, American, American footballer.

Look, this man is supposed to be an athlete so why his gut was hanging over his waistband, WTF cannot say. This is what her late father used to call ‘spilth’.  Wearing your tattoo as a shirt is a new one to WTF, and one she hopes never to have to see again. Meanwhile those trousers were a disgrace with one of the worst cases of elephant vagina syndrome ever seen in these pages. Yurgle.

5. Jared Leto, American actor.

The Christmas Turkey Poll would not be the Christmas Turkey Poll without Jared, who resembled a bloody-handed Merlin with hideous Tabi boots and more guy liner than an over-stocked Clarins counter.

6. Julia Fox, American actor and bits-flasher.

Another example that ‘that’s not even clothes’. Apart from the coat. Which should have remained buttoned rather than exposing nipple numismatics and a c**t coin.

7. Kate Beckinsale, British actor.

If the Royal Ascot scene in My Fair Lady were set in the tropics, this is what Eliza Doolittle might have looked like. Had she forgotten her skirt. 

8. Kourtney Kardashian, American celebritee.

A pregnant Kourtney posed in her bathroom in silver mules baring her bump in a jacket with a bodice designed for Peter Dinklage, arms designed for a gorilla and a beaver band.

9. Lasso, Venezuelan singer.

If you thought Laura Ashley has gone away for good, you were wrong. And what the shirt had to do with the price of fish was a mystery. Teams of rocket stylists are currently working around the clock to solve this conundrum.

10. Law Roach, American stylist.

WTF does. not even know what this was supposed to be, but as a general rule of thumb, if you have to stand with your hand over your crotch, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it.

11. Ncuti Gatwa, British, Rwandan-born actor and the next Dr Who.

Part Carthusian monk, part pool-boy and camper than a Village People convention.

12.  Priscilla Block, American country singer.

If ever there was a case of call for the Canisten, this was the case made (itching) flesh.  The trousers were unflattering and the lime green induced extreme nausea in onlookers.Priscilla would have done better to hold the traffic cone in front of her like Bianca Censori above. And done even better to have worn something else.

13. Quavo, American rapper.

Quavo was dressed as an extra-snuggly extra from 101 Dalmatians. 

14. Sam Smith, British singer 

The jacket was good. The rest of it was not, like the lovechild of Sir Francis Drake and a hairy-legged schoolteacher in vertiginous heels.

15. Sam Ryder, British singer.

He was in his Jim-jams at the National Television Awards. That is all.

16. Wallis Day, British model turned actress.

A perambulating red rope fence with tits and a hijab. 

OK Readers, off you go. Get voting!!!! Remember you can vote as often as you like and for as many of the candidates as you like. The results will be available on 5 January 2024 when the blog returns after the.  break. Have a lovely time and Happy Everything, Happy New Year and be good x