This week Cruela de Braverman, the woman whose every hour, awake and asleep, is consumed with keeping millions, if not billions, of foreigners out of the UK, particularly ones in boats, announced a new plan to replace the old plan which replaced the one before that – all of them introduced by Conservative Governments since 2010. It had to be Conservative Governments because there has not been any other sort of Government since 2010 because the idiotic British public keeps voting them back in. This new plan, which is more or less the same as the old plan, is to deter migrants from sailing over in unseaworthy boats by locking them up on arrival, sending them back whence they came and stopping them ever obtaining citizenship no matter the circumstances. Any anyway they are clearly all violent criminals and opportunists. Furthermore, according to her and her boss, Rishi Sunak, anyone who opposes this plan hates Britain and wants open borders, including the Leader of the Opposition, civil servants, people from Islington, tofu-eaters and readers of the Guardian – oh, and the dastardly lefty lawyers who have the temerity to go to court to challenge proposed deportations. No doubt they would love to emulate Benjamin Netanyahu, whose disgusting Israeli Government is seeking to pass a law allowing it to ignore any decision of the Supreme Court with which it disagrees. In fact, Dominic Raab mooted something similar about two administrations back (it is hard to keep track of who was in when) but so far he has not tried to put it onto the statute books.
Be that howsoever it may be, Cruela is determined to determined to steam ahead, despite a number of problems. First, what she is proposing is against international law because people have a right to seek asylum. If they are fleeing persecution, they are unlikely to be allowed to walk into a British embassy or consulate and fill in papers while continuing to live in the country they are trying to flee – particularly as the Home Office under Cruela and her useless predecessors moves slower than an arthritic tortoise on a Zimmer frame, by which time they would probably be dead or in prison. Second, it is not clear where these people are going to be sent back to. And third, where are they going to be kept until they can be sent anywhere? Our jails are full. There is no spare housing to speak of. Hotels where those seeking asylum have been parked are now subject to vile attacks by bigots whose hatred of foreigners has been whipped up by people like Cruela and 30 p Lee Anderson, deputy chair of the Conservative Party. But point out these facts and you are Lord Haw-Haw. Or Gary Lineker, who apparently is not entitled to voice an opinion about politics because he is on the BBC presenting football once a week.
The worst bit about this utter disregard for decency, international law, compassion and the fact that many people are fleeing from the chaos we helped to create by invading Afghanistan and Iraq, is that the Government claims to be doing this to help those coming here by making it not worth their while. This is the political version of the line you get when you are dumped – it’s not you, it’s me. I’m not a vile xenophobe stirring up public opinion because there is no real reason why anyone would vote us back in, we are so useless. I am doing this to help you not get trafficked or ripped off or exposed to danger by gangs running the boats. And if you are trafficked here, you cannot stay and we will not help you, but it is for your own good. You will thank us in the end… It is the same line peddled by Trump where Mexicans and others who cross the border are drug smugglers and rapists. And it stinks.
We start our review of the week’s atrocious attire in London where we find actor Idris Elba at the premiere of his new movie Luther, wearing E of W.
E of W probably stands for Extremes of Wankiness. WTF is unable to understand why Idris is dressed as a puce-coloured dentist but she really, really wishes he wasn’t. And if he does have to dress as a puce-coloured dentist, which he does not, why do the trousers not match the smock? #baffled
Next we are at the Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica with actor Jodie Turner-Smith wearing Elie Saab.
Peekaboo Tinkerbell in fanny feathers. Awful.
And now we are at the premiere of Scream in Beverley Hills starring actor Jenna Ortega wearing Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.
Younger readers will probably not know much, if anything, about legendary film stars Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. He danced like a dream and she sang like an angel. Here they are together in the film Easter Parade singing We’re Couple of Swells, which was clearly the inspiration for this ridiculous getup.
And now we are at Paris Fashion Week where a lot of people looked very silly, including celebrity son Jaden Smith wearing Louis Vuitton.
WTF has no time for Jaden, who seems to be as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. Here he is flashing his bellybutton, looking like a tiled bathroom, wearing a luggage label in the manner of Paddington Bear “Please look after this prat, thank you” and carrying a doll’s house, like you do, and very ridiculous shoes resembling a couple of toy racing cars.
Next, we have actor Florence Pugh wearing Valentino.
Sigh. That skirt is neither use nor ornament. And stand by for the mandatory arse cheeks….
And here is actor Jared Leto wearing Vivienne Westwood.
If a lumberjack went to a fancy dress party as Miss Marple in hideous platform boots, this is what he would look like. And what that thing on his nose is, nobody knows.
And now we have model Emily Ratajkowski, wearing Loewe.
Emily has a penis growing out of her chest. Kill me now…
Finally we have actor Julia Fox wearing who can even say what? Brace yourselves and scroll down SLOWLY……
This could very well be the stupidest footwear WTF ever did see in her life. When she first saw this picture, WTF emitted a squawk like an electrocuted parrot, causing great alarm both to her neighbours and to herself. Julia’s outfits have become smaller and smaller but now she is compensating by accentuating the footwear, so that she looks like the legendary Bigfoot, the creature said to dwell in North American forests.
This week’s It’s Got To Go was drawn to WTF’s attention by aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who saw this poor sod on Twitter with a Boris Johnson tattoo on his leg.
How moronic do you have to be to have Boris bloody Johnson tattooed on your leg? Yvonne knows that some of those who have previously featured in It’s Got To Go have ended up going and so she is hoping it will work again (not the moron with the tattoos but Boris Johnson). So let’s all say it together 1….2…3… It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.