Until 6 September 2022, Boris Johnson was Prime Minister. Well, sort of. He had in effect checked out on 22 July when he announced he would resign after the election of the new Tory Leader and between then and the handover to the next incumbent, he spent most of the time on holiday abroad or holed up in Chequers enjoying the sunshine or re-celebrating his lockdown marriage by a big bash in some rich blokes’ garden. On 6 September, Liz Truss became Prime Minister. On 20 October, she announced she too would step down. On Monday, only one person secured the required 100 MP nominations for Leader, a figure the 1922 Committee had just invented to stop the bloody thing having to go back to the members, seeing how they had cocked it up royally the last time. And so it was that on Tuesday 24 October, Rishi Sunak officially became Prime Minister. Just before publication this morning, WTF checked that he was still there. He is. For now.
You may recall that one of the reasons Johnson had to go was because he was the first PM in history to be fined for breaking the law. Yet Sunak, inadvertently or otherwise, also attended the same event and he was also fined. You may also recall that Johnson was forced to step down, albeit against his will, because 57 members of his Government thought him wholly unfit to govern and resigned. Yet seven weeks later, he was throwing his hat back into the circus ring and many of those who had abandoned him then now earnestly championed him again, including appalling creep Nadim Zahawi, who accepted the Chancellorship after Sunak resigned from Johnson’s Cabinet, then told Johnson to resign two days later but supported his bid to return on Saturday and, after Johnson hit the buffers without enough votes, came out for Sunak 29 minutes later. And got a job in the new Cabinet. You may also recall that Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Catsmeat Potter-Purbright of 21st century politics, denounced Sunak in August as a ‘socialist’ and said he would never serve under him. Indeed, said Moggy, only Johnson had the right to be Prime Minister. On Monday, when Johnson removed his piece from the board, Rees-Mogg announced that he no longer thought Sunak was a socialist and was willing to serve under him after all. Luckily, he never got the invitation and is now free to spend more time with his Nanny.
Cruella de Braverman had been Truss’ Home Secretary and a Liz loyalist. You may recall that on Tuesday 18 October, Truss sacked her as Home Secretary, which was the only reasonable thing she did during whilst in office. Cruella had not only sent sensitive government information on her personal email to a MP mate and to someone she thought was the MP mate’s wife, but was in fact someone else entirely, she had also denied it all until confronted with the evidence. On Sunday morning, despite Johnson having sought her vote, she came out for Rishi and on Tuesday afternoon, to the sound of jaws dropping across the UK and cries of ‘you must be fucking joking’, there she was smirking her way along Downing Street to become Home Secretary again after only six days. So what if she had broken all manner of laws and protocols? How was she to know? So what is she had previously been Attorney General? Does that mean you have to know about the law? Oh…Out came the usual arse-lickers, liars and bullshitters to rally around the latest Cabinet casualty. ‘She has learnt her lesson’ mumbled Oxymoron James Cleverley, inexplicably retained as Foreign Secretary and as much use as tits on a fish. ‘ Everyone is entitled to a second chance’ whined Zahavi. In this new Government they certainly are. Even Frank Spencer lookalikey Sir Gavin Williamson, the most useless Minister EVER, is back. It can only be a matter of time before Chris Grayling gets the call……
We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with actor Quintessa Swindell at the premiere of her new movie, Black Adam, wearing Vera Wang.
Think Inspector Gadget with tattooed thighs and a turd topknot.
Next up, we have country singer Kelsea Ballerini at the Giambattista Valli dinner in Los Angeles.
Baby Doll Barbie lives! Only this baby doll seems to made from an old pillow case and although Kelsea is hardly big, (120 lbs), there is not enough fabric to go round her.
Here is Readers’ favourite, singer Halsey, wearing Enfants Riches Déprimés at Audacy’s We Can Survive Concert at the Hollywood Bowl (nope, me neither).
There is a tit mask like Batman with sideboob, dominatrix gloves, an Annie-Get-Your-Gun cowboy skirt, stupid boots and some sort of battered dishcloth around her hips. Enfants Riches Déprimés means depressed rich kids and this getup has plenty for people to get depressed about. Step away from the knives….
Here we are at the Time 100 Next Gala in New York City where we find even-more-heavily-tattooed singer Machine Gun Kelly looking preposterous. No change there ….
MGK is the lovechild of Daemon Targheayn and a graffiti wall. The result is unsettling……
Here is singer Queen Latifah wearing Thom Browne at TheGrio (sic) Awards in Beverley Hills.
Austerity may be upon us but you cannot say that Thom Browne is skimping on fabric. There is a LOT of fabric here, more than enough to make about six normal outfits. This outfit left normal behind several miles back and is currently hurtling towards insanity. It looks like Queen Victoria’s dressing gown with a double side order of mega-malignant triffids.
We are popping into the WACO Wearable Art Gala where we find actor Halle Bailey wearing Georges Hobeika.
Contrary to reasonable belief, WACO stands for Where Art Can Occur as opposed to WHACKO, which is what this is. Halle recently created a bit of a storm by portraying the Little Mermaid in a Disney movie of the same name, where racists various got upset at the idea of a BLACK mermaid. I mean, that’s unrealistic, right? Pursuing the nautical theme, Halle is wearing a tit-and-torso tambour that resembles boats nestling round a jetty.
Now we are attending the premiere of Black Panther – Wakanda Forever attended by new parents, rapper ASAP Rocky and his partner, singer and fashion/beauty entrepreneur Rihanna wearing a Rick Owens dress and Guiseppe Zanotti sandals.
Riri seems to have been working at a particularly sloppy pottery wheel, like Demi Moore in Ghost, and is carrying the surplus around in a bucket attached to her hip. On a topical theme, her pointy little sandals are like witches’ hats on Halloween. As for Rocky, he seems to be standing in a burlap sack to protect his trewsies from flying clay.
And finally, we have actor Muriel Hernández wearing something very, very mingetastic. And tittastic.
MINGE!!!!!!!!! MASSES OF MINGE!!!!!! AND GROIN!!!! AND UNDERBOOB!!! JUST MAKE IT STOP. And why she is she wearing concrete blocks on her feet?
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is fed with idiot Tory MP Lee Anderson, he of the you-can-cook-a-meal-for-30p-a-person-advice given to a speechless Parliament. Even his own colleagues gulped.
Comedian Eddie Izzard, who now identifies as a gender-fluid lesbian, is on a shortlist to be the next Labour MP for Sheffield Central. The oaf Anderson responded to Izzard’s intentions by saying, ‘I won’t be following him into the toilet’. Here is the news. First, Eddie is usually a she and would probably be using the ladies’ loo and you should not be in there, should you Gammon-Face? Second, you ain’t God’s gift to women. Or to men. Or to anyone. Just Go Away.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top- suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming in and your excellent comments because WTF gets very upset when they aren’t any. Reading numbers have gone UP!!!!! Bigly UP!!!!! Which is great, so let’s have the comments to go with the growing audience. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x