WTF Growth Special

Hallo Readers, 

One week into Donald Trump’s presidency, WTF wrote ‘Trump’s election has not turned out to be as bad as she thought. It is much worse’. Similarly, while WTF knew that Liz Truss’s tenure as Prime Minister would be a shitshow with added shit, the first few weeks have been much worse than even she could ever have imagined. Last Friday, Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng unveiled a mini budget in which he threw money around like a drunken sailor, cutting taxes, slashing National Insurance and removing the cap from bankers’ bonuses with the purported  aim of encouraging growth. Sadly, the only things that appears to have grown are (i) the number of Tory MPs who have realised that it would have been better to have Jacob Rees Mogg’s nanny running the show instead and (ii) the size of everyone’s mortgage and (iii) the Nation’s anxiety levels. The markets plunged almost before the Chancellor had sat down with the pound in freefall. Had this been the Eurovision Song Contest, the representatives from the other participating countries would have been compelled to awarded nul points, that is if they were able to stop laughing long enough to enunciate the scores. By the end of the weekend, the pound hit 1.03 to the dollar, a record low, before ‘rallying’ to 1.07. Since this was all apparently part of her Master Plan, one would have thought that Truss would have been out and about all weekend soothing the nation’s fevered brow. Instead, she disappeared from sight and stayed there. We got used to Boris Johnson holing up in Chequers at the first sight of trouble, which meant that he was there a lot, but in Johnson’s case we came to welcome his absences. In Truss’s case, seeing that our savings were disappearing down the plug hole at the rate of knots, some sort of explanation and reassurance was the very least we could expect, but like so much else about Truss, she fell short. It was not until Thursday that our valiant leader emerged from wherever she had been hiding and told us in her I-speak-your-weight-machine delivery that the budget was right, everyone else was wrong and we were now on the road to recovery, albeit with previously undisclosed stopovers at enormous pain, citizens defaulting upon their mortgage if they already had one or failing to get one if they did not, and the price of everything going up. 40% of mortgage products have been withdrawn from the market leaving buyers floundering, facing the choice of no mortgage or one at a zillion percentage per annum.

By the end of the week WTF was beginning to wonder whether this was all not some in fact some pre-planned act of sabotage with Truss and Kamikwarteng screwing everything up with maximum prejudice in order to facilitate the return of Boris Johnson in exchange for a house full of Lulu Lytle gold wallpaper and garish sofas, a peerage and a lifetime subscription to Hotel Chocolat. Because the alternative explanation is that, despite a fistful of degrees and qualifications from the world’s top universities, they have either taken leave of such senses they may once have possessed or are simply taking the piss. Except that it is not even remotely funny. Fasten your seat belts. Have your sickbag handy, and an extra one just in case. Your flight to Planet Growth is not just going to be bumpy; somebody appears to have removed the engine from the plane.


We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with our own racing champ, Sir Lewis Hamilton, in a lime green boilersuit.

Bless him, he just can’t help himself? He has this pathological compulsion to look like a prat. or in this case, like a pastel porno plumber.

Next we are in Zurich where we encounter actor Diane Kruger wearing Alexander McQueen.

WTF can only assume that the black arm bands are in mourning for the bra top like a makeshift bandage applied in an emergency hospital unit by a drunken doctor, and for the preposterous length of the trousers.

And now we are at NYFW with actor Julia Fox dressed as a mermaid at the Parsons MFA student fashion show.

We have all seen Julia’s abs and pelvis, so she is now giving us another body part, to whit her breasts which are draped with some primordial slimy seaweed and a tail which is about to turn into an imminent Minge Moment.

Next up, we have actor Jurnee Smollett wearing Alexandre Vauthier.

WTF is all for people leaving a little room in their clothes, but there is roomy and there is ballroomy. This getup makes June look positively square,  like an IKEA superstore.

Meet actor Evan Mock from Gossip Girl wearing who can even say what.

Why does he have a load of arse paper trailing from his trewsies?


We are at the Sustainable Fashion Awards in Milan with fashionista Olivia Palermo wearing Ermanno Scervino.

Tits ahoy!! And very squished tits at that. Why would you wear a chainmail dress? After you take it off, your body would resemble an intricately patterned, char-grilled tuna steak.

To Paris Fashion Week and celebritee and cosmetics billionaire, Kylie Jenner, wearing Balmain.

If a blowup sex doll with very improbable looking tits went to a fancy dress party as a crocheted lampshade, this is what it would look like. And there is every possibility that her breasts are about to make a break for the border.

And finally here are actor Megan Fox and her fiancé, musician Machine Gun Kelly out and about in Paris.

Not so much a case of a sight for sore eyes as a sight to make you wish you could dig your own eyes out with a teaspoon. She looks like a cut-price Kim Kardashian while he looks like the lovechild of Mrs Doubtfire and Abby Cadabby.


OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go (not time for that this week, sorry). Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.


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