The late and much lamented Peter Cook and Dudley Moore did a deeply disgusting sketch about the worst job in the world. WTF is not going to repeat the details, so you will just have to go and look it up on YouTube. But Pete and Dud were part of a world very different to the present one. In those days, politicians used to resign when they did something wrong, whether they were caught with their pants round their ankles or acting in some other dishonourable way. However, that was then. This is now. Which is why WTF’s nomination for the worst job ever has got to be the role of Boris Johnson’s ethics adviser. Frankly most people would rather shovel shit in the furthest reaches of some particularly noxious sewer, although the ambience is not dissimilar. It is little wonder that our Prime Minister, having parted company with two ethics advisers in three years, is now hinting that he may not bother to recruit a third. You might as well order the tide to stop rolling in. It just won’t and you end up looking very silly, having wasted a lot of your own and everybody else’s time. As we know that Johnson’s solution to an ethical problem is to ignore it or, even better, to change the rules and abolish the ethical problem. And if neither of those work, he just lies his way out of it and sets off in search of a new photo opportunity, preferably sporting a hard hat and a hi-viz jacket in a fetching citrus hue.
Lord Geidt, the latest Johnson adviser to head for the exit, finally decided that he’d had enough when Johnson contemplated breaking the ministerial code in relation to steel tariffs. He said that he felt that he was being put in an ‘impossible and odious position’. As opposed to what? What took him so long? Johnson has been breaking the ministerial code since his political balls dropped and he has every intention of continuing to do so, albeit that from time to time he is obliged to fake a grovelling apology for being dishonest, evasive, and downright dodgy. Geidt did not resign when Johnson lied to him about the identity of the bloke who coughed up for the gold wallpaper in No 10, and he seems to have been able to survive the constant stream of porkies coming out of the Prime Minister’s mouth in relation to Partygate or his announced intention to renege on the Northern Ireland Protocol. But like the camel whose back finally buckles under one straw too many, Geidt clearly decided that whatever benefits there might have been in his role were far outweighed by the constant humiliation of looking like a fool. Or as WTF’s mother used to ask ‘for what do I need such?’ Geidt is a bright man who needs neither the money nor the aggravation of trying to hold this shitshow of a government to account, and, worse, of having to justify his failure to control his boss in front of a roomful of frankly incredulous MPs asking him variations of the same question, namely ‘are you having a laugh?’ ‘WTF suspects that like those misguided women who always think that they will be the one to change the reprobate with whom they are smitten, Geidt fancied his chances as the man who could hold Johnson to account. Like everyone else who has tried it, whether they be wives or girlfriends or employers or editors or party leaders or colleagues, he failed. Miserably.
We begin a bumper review of the week’s sartorial shite with singer Madonna, seen with photographer Ricardo Gomes, wearing Balenciaga and a face that isn’t hers.
The top costs £975 and it sucks. The shorts look as if they cost about £9 75 and are creased as hell. But you know what isn’t creased? Her face. Madge, you are 63 years old and lean as a whippet. But that is not your face. No-one has a face that smooth at the age of 63. WTF has seen billiard balls with more wrinkles.
Next to the Tribeca Film Festival and the Chanel Party attended, amongst others, by actor Amandla Stenberg wearing Chanel.
Coco Chanel must be turning in her grave. The jacket has shrunk in the wash and Amandla (which is the Xhosa word for power) has badger’s bum hair. But worse still she is showing not just her pants but her hips in what is the female equivalent of builder’s bum. We saw Gigi Hadid doing this the other week. This trend has to stop. Right. Now.
We are now at the Tony Awards in New York, the equivalent of the UK Olivier Awards for theatrical excellence. This is actor Tony Goldwyn, from Scandal, wearing who can even say what?
This really is a scandal. The shit-coloured tux is at least a size too small as well as too short, and its silky trim is matched by a toning barmitzvah-boy bow tie, worn with what appear to be white slacks. He looks like an extra from Hi-di-Hi.
Next up we have actor Danielle Brooks (aka the wonderful Taystee from Orange Is The New Black) wearing Victorluna.
This is more a case of Victorloony. London Transport has just launched a range of gifts in the signature upholstery used on its brand new Elizabeth Line. Danielle’s dress seems to be a hitherto-unannounced addition to the line, the Elizabeth Line blow-up condom. Yurgle.
This is actor Ian Paget, wearing Lanvin.
Behold! A glass of orange slush on legs…..
And this is actress Kara Young wearing Christian Siriano.
If a Quality Street Orange Creme went to a fancy dress party as a dinosaur, this is what it would look like….
Chelsee is almost half Madonna’s age but her visage also bears evidence of some interference in the workings of nature. As for the dress, she seems to have Venom perching on her left tit.
Meet actor Paco Leon at Carolina Herrera’s Eyewear Launch in Aravaca, Spain.
There are two very odd things going on here. First, what is that dangling string thing clipped to his waistband, together with what seems to be a bag charm? And second, why has his shirt got tit slits in the shape of cats’ pupils? #baffled
Here is she is again. WTF speaks of actor Julia Fox wearing not enough, as per bloody usual.
As we have established, Julia likes flaunting her body but now that she does not have Kanye West on her arm, she needs more reason for people to look at her, which is why she is venturing forth wearing a bikini and leather jacket draped with a fishing net. The time has come for Julia to stay indoors….
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @enya-hoo who brought this horror to light. It is rapper Megan Thee Stallion wearing so-called jeans by Mugler.
WTF can confidently say that these are not jeans. Not even at all. These are arse-flashing denim chaps, held together by ‘illusion tulle’. They are extremely unpleasant, probably appallingly uncomfortable and just plain silly. At least Megan has a nice firm bum. What happens if the wearer does not? It doesn’t even bare thinking about. It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
Madonna looks like Julie Walters playing Victoria Wood’s octogenarian old raver mother in Dinner Ladies. Sorry Julie.