Hallo Readers,

And so we stagger on in the long-running Whitehall farce that is Partygate. WTF cannot even be bothered to go back over the bollocks meted out to the British people where every day some hapless Minister, on the pain of being demoted to the backroom  role in the Northern Irish Office, is wheeled out to deflect any probing questions with a lot of waffle about vaccine rollouts and fanciful assertions about various statistical benefits over other G7 countries. But then The Mail on Sunday,  which has returned to fully feral mode, charged to the rescue with allegations that Keir Starmer was just as bad, if not worse, than the Tory lot, because he had consumed a beer and a curry one night in April 2021 with his fellow canvassers during a bye-election in Hartlepool and had scheduled that dinner! So far, no one appears to have identified any actual law  that Starmer is alleged to have broken, but no matter – he was officially branded a wrong’un. And he was a hypocrite! To which WTF feels compelled to point out that (a) if hypocrisy were a crime, you would need to build a lot of new prisons and (b) he would only be a hypocrite if he had actually done the same thing he had accused Johnson of doing, to whit breaking the law and then lying to Parliament about having broken the law – in Johnson’s case, both true. However, these distinctions did not trouble the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday  and the Daily Express and the dimmer-than-a dead-lightbulb host of Sunday Morning, Sophie Raworth, and the ghastly Tory Shills on LBC like Andrew Pierce who, coincidentally, is Associate Editor of the Daily Mail. All they could all talk about was that Starmer had necked down a bottle of Heineken and a Chicken Korma in the company of people with whom he had been working all day and who, according to Starmer, carried on working afterwards. Which is  a lot more credible that Johnson’s assertions that he had stayed at various parties, not that he knew that they were parties, for a few minutes before retuning to work, given that everyone knows that he is a lazy as hell and does not read his briefs- instead, he was probably discussing wallpaper with his interior decorator or phoning up some Tory donor for a sub. 

As Starmer had demanded that Johnson should resign because he was the first PM to be under investigation for breaking the laws he had drafted, the Shills demanded that Starmer should resign as he was now under investigation himself by the Durham Constabulary, which had previously declared that no offence had been committed and which also failed to prosecute Johnson’s former consigliere Dominic Cummings for driving  round the county in order to check that his eyesight  – something which could at best be deemed to be a high risk strategy. The Shills were therefore somewhat confounded when Starmer then agreed to resign were he adjudged to have broken the law (as did his deputy Angela Rayner who had apparently also been present, although it had previously been denied). At which point the Shills waxed indignant and accused Starmer of putting pressure on the police. Heads we win, tails you lose.  Simples.

That the right wing press are liars is of no surprise to any sentient being, but even by their own subterranean standards, this seems to be a case not so much of scraping the barrel as shredding it. Eating dinner brought into the office where people were working is not analogous to sixteen knees-ups held a year earlier when people were dying like flies while workers  quaffed wine trundled into no 10 in wheelie bags and held farewell parties and ‘thank-the-Lord-Cummings-has-gone’ parties (one hosted by Johnson’s wife in Johnson’s flat) and Christmas parties and birthday parties and ‘oh-it’s-sunny’ parties and ran around the garden pissed as farts and breaking Wilfrid Johnson’s swing. But then truth has long since left both no 10 and the Houses of Parliament.

************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s clothing comedies on the set of American Idol where we find one of the judges, singer Katy Perry.

Katy seems to have left the dressing room in her undergarments. Was there a fire alarm? There is a lot of dangle…..

And here is former Pussycat Doll  and all-purpose celebritee Kimberly Wyatt at some drinks event wearing who can even say what this is?

Over the years WTF has featured a LOT of deeply dodgy denim and this one is right up there, a bralet under a straitjacket and a skirt with full Minge Access. Kill me now.

We are now at the GLAAD Gala in New York, where actor Dove Cameron was attending, wearing Louis Vuitton.

If a dove went to a bondage party which was raided by the police and it hid in a pile of corrugated candy-coloured cardboard, this is what it would look like.

To Miami, where racing driver Sir Lewis Hamilton turned up in the paddock wearing head to-toe- shocking pink Valentino. With the emphasis on shocking.

Valentino has pink-bombed the catwalk and every woman and man on the red carpet has been pictured in it. One is only surprised that Lewis’s pet pooch Roscoe has not been seen sporting it. As for Lewis, he looks like he is guest starring in Scrubs. The pink trainers were, to put it mildly, overkill. In fact they had sped past overkill some miles back and are now racing towards For Fuck’s Sake.

This is actor Tiffany Haddish wearing Dolce & Gabbana at the premiere of Doctor Strange – Multiverse of Madness. More pink. Scroll down slowly….

Why is this even happening? The whole thing is far too Lady Penelope but her Ladyship would have opted for one or the other of shorts or trousers and stuck to it. As Lady Bracknell would say ‘This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd’

And now to the BAFTA TV Awards director in London where we come across actor Ncuti Gatwa,  the new Doctor Who, wearing Orange Culture Nigeria.

Frankly, this is more a case of Doctor Why? Quite apart from the unfortunate trompe l’oeil reflection of the strips, which makes Ncuti appear to be wearing no trousers (he is, he is), he looks like the lovechild of a tit window and a whip.

We welcome back Olympic gold medallist diver Tom Daley wearing Bethany Williams.

This deeply puzzling garment seems to have been constructed from a My Little Pony beach towel.

And finally here is Small Axe director Steve McQueen wearing something extremely strange.

Why is Steve dressed as a Fruit Ninja?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Tom Laidlaw who sent in this picture, having discovered it through the tweet of  author and historian Jessie Childs who herself saw the dress in question in Selfridges. Selfridges!!!! It is by Jean Paul Gaultier and it costs £501.

Tom asks ‘What in the name of all that’s holy is this?  It’s Got to Go’. Agreed. Especially when WTF tells Tom and others that the back of the dress has, um, the back view…..

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week there were oodles of messages and it made WTF happier than a happy thing on happy pills, so keep them coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x