WTF BAFTAs, BRITs and Other Shockers Special

Hallo Readers, 

On the face of it, the Parkland school shooting, where 19 year old Nicholas Cruz murdered 17 people with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle, was just one more incident when a homicidal maniac exercised his inalienable right to murder innocent people at random with a deadly weapon. In Florida, you can buy a semi-automatic rifle at the age of 18 but you have to be 21 to buy a beer. A few days after Parkland, the Florida senate refused to pass a motion banning AR-15s but voted to condemn pornography as harmful to teenagers. In Texas, you can own as many guns as you like but you are not allowed to own more than six dildos. Wanking, it seems, is more dangerous than bullets. Politicians, many of whom fortified by fat cheques from the National Rifle Association, wrung their hands and offered up the customary thoughts and prayers. Donald Trump, who trousered $30m in NRA campaign contributions, paid a flying visit to the local hospital and to the Sheriff’s department, where he was photographed grinning broadly and giving a thumb’s up sign. He then went to Mar-a-Lago, 40 miles down the road, where he had been going anyway, and showed his respects by abstaining from golf for two whole days. Everyone assumed that once the funerals were over, everything would return to normal – until the next time.

Except that did not happen. The kids from Marjory Stoneham Douglas School, shattered, angry, in mourning, resolved to take a stand. And so they spoke out. They rallied. They railed against the NRA and those GOP Senators, including Florida’s Marco Rubio, who took NRA funds. They blamed Trump for repealing Obama’s law that people suffering from mental illness should not be able to purchase a gun. They abused him on Twitter after he claimed – shamefully – that the FBI had failed to act on tip-offs about Cruz because it had been too busy pursuing him about Russian collusion. They called for a ban on weapons. They descended on Tallahassee, the State Capital, lobbying their representatives and seeking out the Governor. They demanded that other kids in other schools should not have to watch their classmates shot, should not have hide in cupboards whilst texting their parents goodbye, should not have to attend the funerals of people they grew up with. They were critical. They were vocal. They were articulate. They were astonishing. This week, some of them (the less vocal ones) attended a meeting at the White House, where their President was forced to listen to their stories. Others appeared on a televised CNN Town Hall where they confronted Rubio (who at least had the balls to turn up, unlike the Governor who stayed away) and Dana Loesch, a representative of the NRA. President Trump claimed that he will now take action. Let us see whether he does and what it is. He also claimed that the NRA are ‘great people’ and ‘true American Patriots’.

Inevitably, it did not take long before the slime slithered out to attack the kids. They were ‘actors’. They were ‘fame whores’. They were coached and manipulated by the Liberal Left, the Fake News, George Soros, the Deep State and, probably, Beelzebub. One of them had a father who used to be in the FBI! Some of them were not even injured! To these scum, any criticism of either Trump or guns is intolerable. They love the Second Amendment but they really hate the First. At the CNN Town Hall on Wednesday night, Loesch, the Bullshit Breitbart Barbie, was emollient to the victims who berated her but yesterday, in a speech to the Far Right CPAC conference, she showed her true colours, asserting that these slaughters were the fault of Law Enforcement, not guns, and that ‘many in the legacy Media love mass shootings” because ‘crying white mothers are ratings gold’. Of course, she did not say that during the CNN event to the crying white (and non-white) mothersShe complained to CPAC that she had been in fear of her life the previous day when some of the audience had (wrongly) rushed at the stage in fury. Really? Try hiding in a cupboard whilst gunfire rages around you and then emerge to find your friends and teachers lying dead in a pool of blood, having been shot with one of the lethal weapons you are sworn to protect. Then come back and talk about fear.


Let us turn to something a little more cheerful. This is one of WTF’s favourite weeks in the fashion calendar, the week where the BAFTAs and the BRITs coincide in a cornucopia of cack. We start our survey of the week’s sartorial slop-bucket at the  BAFTAs ceremony itself and actress Alison Janney, wearing Bibhu Mohapatra. 

WTF has adored Alison ever since The West Wing and the dress itself is spectacular, but the shrug looks like the metal bit at the top of a hinged corkscrew.

This is young actress Anya Taylor-Joy, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Anna’s lower limbs are in full mourning but the upper thighs are out and proud. Clock the tiara. Anna is the princess of peekaboo.

To the pre-BAFTAs party and actress Kate Mara, wearing Valentino.

Yes, Valentino. This pink thing (the dress, not Kate or Signor Valentino, he is the colour of creosote) is the product of a one night stand between a prawn and a puffy pelmet. And just in case you were insufficiently appalled, Kate has added a red cross-body bag and a pair of pewter pumps, neither of which has anything to do with the price of fish. Kate’s stylist deserves a slap, a P45 and another slap.

To the BRITs and actress Noomi Rapace, wearing Matty Bovan.

This is just weird, like looking at someone’s innards through a kaleidoscope in a trippy version of Silent Witness.

Rapper Rich the Kid.

A very swirly suit, a Mayoral Chain and silly sunglasses. But kudos for carrying the  white rose.

Popular singing troupe Little Mix, in a variety of vulgarity.

From left to right, Jade Thirlwall looks nice in a long black dress and red lippie; Leigh-Anne Pinnock looks more like Leigh-Anne Pillock in a negligée by Stella McCartney who, once again, is taking the piss; Jesy Nelson is giving us the full cameltoe thing in thrush-inducing slime green leather; and Perrie Edwards is wearing a nightdress that appears to go with Leigh-Anne Pillock’s negligée but is in fact by Amanda Wakeley.

Singer Dua Lipa, wearing Giambattista Valli

Dua is very pretty but she is standing in a sea of candy floss.

Singer MNEK.

MNEK has come straight from his day job as a  short-order chef in a corner diner.

Finally, we have OITNB actress Dascha Polanco at an NBA Party. Heaven knows what she is wearing….

Let us not beat about the bush. (Indeed, WTF has never seen a bush that she has beaten about).  This is a shower curtain over baggy thermal long-johns. And the back view is even worse.

This is NOT a size thing. Dascha is gorgeous. This is a fuck-me-that’s-terrible thing.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Annie Bishop, who sent in one of THE MOST REVOLTING things WTF has ever seen. SO THOSE WHO DO NOT WANT TO SEE LADY PARTS, LOG OFF NOW AND COME BACK NEXT FRIDAY.


Ready? You won’t be….

All together now…..


This merkin is brought to you courtesy of “South Korean-born polymath” designer KAIMIN, who featured them in his New York Fashion Week show. And not just merkins but hairy-bearded merkins. And WTF has a question to ask? Why? WHY? Minge Moments are bad enough but Merkin Moments are quite beyond the pale. KAIMIN and these hairy things have SO Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Thank you for your comments last week and your – in some cases quite astonishing – suggestions for It’s Got To Go, although whether WTF should be thanking Annie Bishop for the merkin is up for debate. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x






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6 Responses to WTF BAFTAs, BRITs and Other Shockers Special

  1. SueP says:

    Brilliant piece on the shootings in Florida, and the aftermath. Haven’t heard of many of the people from the Brits or the Baftas, can’t say I’m sorry! As for KAIMIN, there are no words.

  2. *This Texas school district already arms its teachers. You heard it here first (or thereabouts)
    Don’t see why we should arm our schoolteachers. They’re all troublemaking union thugs anyway. Let’s hire on duty police officers clad in Kevlar and carrying AR-15s to teach science, math, literature…
    If we make public schools an adjunct to the police department our schools might just have an easier time getting appropriate funding.
    *I was puzzled by your description of Alison Janney as a hinged corkscrew. The outfit looked very nice. Until I saw the accompanying picture. You destroyer of illusion.
    *She is followed by the usual suspects, exhibitionists, and clueless minor celebrities, and then I got to Dua Lipa, seemingly dressed in what we call cotton candy on this side of the Atlantic.
    *Once upon a time, say 1990, the seventeen year old sister of a friend of mine moved here from Pakistan to continue her education. She preferred the traditional Pakistani outfits and hijab that she grew up with. One Saturday I went to their house and she appeared from her room wearing an Islamically modest version of Dua Lipa’s outfit. All you could see of her was her face, hands, and feet amidst several square yards of pink cotton candy.
    I have three sisters. I lie about their outfits all the time. They know it. They don’t care. I told her that she looked very nice. Her brother was not amused. “You are not leaving the house dressed like that.”
    This put the poor girl in a quandary. A non-Muslim man not related to her was complimenting her Islamically modest outfit while her brother was refusing to be seen in public with her while she was wearing it.
    She did wear the cotton candy couture that afternoon, but I never saw it again.
    *I had to look up the word “merkin”.
    This may just be a lingering side effect of a sheltered Catholic upbringing, but I’m puzzled on a couple of points here.
    *If you’re going to remove hair down there, why go through the trouble of buying a wig to replace what you just removed?
    *Even if you can rationalize doing so, this doesn’t strike me as something that is normally put on public display.

    • fashionshark
      fashionshark says:

      Historically, the merkin came about because venereally diseased ridden women had no pubic hair (it fell out as a result of said VD) so it was worn to fool people that all was in working order, as it were. But you’re right. It should be displayed in public. xx

  3. writeovertheedge – I am a writer, a gardener, an animal-lover, the mother of two grown up sons, and the wife of an artist. We live on the west coast of Ireland, where we love the scenery and the people and hate the rain. I have another blog, Writing from the Edge, but am starting to use this blog to record a new and more difficult part of my life - helping to care for my elderly parents
    Lorely Forrester says:

    The word ‘merkin’ notoriously came to fame when President Bush (well named) famously said ‘I’m proud to be American!’ – only his disastrous pronunciation turned it into ‘I’m proud to be a merkin!’
    It would be rude to argue with the President.

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