WTF Sweet Home Alabama Special

Hallo Readers,

Here are some good things about Alabama. Nat King Cole. Emmy Lou Harris. Coretta Scott King. Harper Lee. Joe Louis. Jesse Owens. Rosa Parks. Hank Williams. And here are some bad things about Alabama. Jeff “I can’t recall” Sessions. Roy Moore. His wife Kayla Moore. His brother Jerry Moore. Oh mah Lord.

The Alabamian Senate seat became vacant following Sessions’ appointment as Attorney-General earlier this year. The Republican nominee for the seat is gun-totin’, bible-wavin’, sod-o-mite-hatin’ Judge Roy Moore, a man twice chucked out of judicial office, first for his refusal to remove a statue of the Ten Commandments from his courthouse and second for his refusal to follow a Supreme Court decision overturnin’ a State law against homosexuality. Moore believes that 9/11 was God’s punishment for legalisin’ sodomy and abortion. His campaign is supported by  those champions of the Church, Steve Bannon and Nigel Farage.

But then Satan, in the form of The Washington Post, intervened. Four women claimed that nearly 40 years ago, Moore, then an unmarried DA in his 30’s, molested them as teenagers. One of them had been 14 at the time. Since then, four more women have made similar allegations relating to that period. Moore insists that this is a plot to keep him out of DC and that he never dated anyone without her mother’s permission, which hardly quashes the suspicions about him. His former colleagues in the DA’s office remembered that he had always dated teenagers and a security guard recalled that the local Mall banned Moore because of his interest in young girls.

Moore’s supporters are undeterred. Some question why the women waited so long to come forward (yes, that old chestnut) or justify his behaviour because these had been “consensual relationships”. Hell, Joseph was much older than Mary and they were Jesus’ maw and paw. Jerry Moore likened his brother’s treatment to the persecution of Christ but said that “God is taking care of it”. Kayla Moore produced a letter of support for her husband signed by 50 pastors, some of whom have demanded that their names be removed from it, and she is now suggestin’, without a shred of evidence, that the accusers are being paid. Oh, and there was the tweet from a bot, now deleted, which claimed that someone had heard from someone else’s auntie that a Post reporter was offerin’ women 1000$ (sic) to say that Moore had molested them. Others go further, openly declarin’ that they would rather vote for a paedeophile than for a Democrat. Because of course Obamacare and gun control are so much worse than child molestation. Last week, Joe Walsh claimed that his right to carry a firearm “comes from God.” This week, Alabamian nutters are telling us that He also sanctifies lyin’ and kiddy-fiddlin’. The hypocrisy is just breathtakin’.

Senator Al Franken, who had put Sessions on the spot during the Confirmation process, was yesterday accused of kissing and groping a woman’s breasts in 2006. What Franken did was completely wrong but it does not make Moore’s molestation (or Trump’s) right. And at least Franken has the guts to admit he was wrong and to refer himself to the Ethics Committee. If only others could say the same. The President of the USA in particular.

The irony is that Sessions himself may soon be out of a job, either because he won’t follow Trump’s deranged demands that he prosecute the Clintons for anythin’ and everythin’ (to his credit, Sessions seems to be resistin’) or for lyin’ to Congress. Sadly, Sessions is afflicted by Trumpitis Russki Amnesia, a condition affecting the memory of those involved in Trump’s Presidential campaign, the effect of which is that they forget anythin’ to do with Russia, whether it be a politician or a plate of piroshki. During the Senate Confirmation process, Sessions said that he knew nothin’ about contacts between the campaign and Russia but since then he has done more rowin’ back than Steve Redgrave as evidence emerges drip by drip. One thing is clear. A man with a memory as bad as his is unfit to be the coffee boy in the Justice Department, let alone to run it. Sessions would probably not even remember where Starbucks was, far less who had requested an extra shot in their soy cappuccino.

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We start the week’s sartorial silliness with the loathsome Louise Linton, the Marie-Antoinette of US politics, seen with her husband Steven Mnuchin, the Treasury Secretary. WTF aficionados Jen and Philippa both alerted her to this picture of Mnuchin showing off the new dollar bills with his signature to his designer-clad bride.

This gruesome twosome would do well to remember 1 Timothy 6:10 “the love of money is the root of all evil” At least they have one thing in common. Meanwhile, he should stop bringing his wife to work and she should stop dressing as Coco the Commander. 

To the Glamour Awards and Beyonce’s singer, Solange Knowles, wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

That split is virtually waist-high and is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. If a mouldy lemon went to a fancy dress party dressed as Princes Leia in bionic gloves, this is what it would look like.

To the MTV EMA awards in London, and nominee rapper Stefflon Don wearing who even knows what.

Several Muppets died to make the coat and it wasn’t even big enough to cover that excrescence of an outfit.

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This is Demi Lovato wearing Styland.

Demi is dressed as a clown with tits and without feet. Those trousers could sleep a family of four.

Next up we have actor and singer Jared Leto, wearing Gucci. He always does.

He looks like a Dulux colour chart for the range “vomit florals”.

And here we have singer Zara Larsson wearing Alessandra Rich. Sunglasses on!

Ouch! This looks like a bundle of newly washed sheets after someone has inadvertently left a coloured sock in the machine.

The host of the event was singer Rita Ora, wearing Palomo Spain.

CNN is running a brilliant ad, Facts First. This is an apple. Some people might say it’s a banana. They might scream banana, banana, banana, over and over and over again. They might put BANANA in all caps. You might start to believe that it’s a banana. But it’s not. It’s an apple”.  Similarly, this is a dressing gown. Some people might say it’s couture. They might scream couture, couture, couture, over and over and over again. They might put COUTURE in all caps. You might start to believe that it’s couture. But it’s not. It’s a dressing gown.  

And finally, meet singer and MTV nominee Petite Meller.


Petite seems to have overdone it with the blusher and the pink nose makes her look as if she has a nasty cold. She seems to have wandered in from playing a particularly bedraggled, mingetastic danseuse in a film biography of Toulouse-Lautrec.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from Rebecca of Cornwall, who is rightly up in arms following the despicable Daily Telegraph front page on Wednesday, calling Tory MPs opposed to a Brexit without proper Parliamentary scrutiny, “mutineers”. The Daily Mail was not far behind, dubbing them “collaborators”.

This continues the outrageous trend which described the Judges who ruled that Article 50 could not be triggered without a vote as “Enemies of the People” and ‘Traitors” and labelled Remainers as “Saboteurs”. So much for restoring Parliamentary Sovereignty. Both the Mail and the Telegraph are owned by patriots who love this country so much that they live elsewhere to avoid tax. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything. And please keep those excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

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This entry was posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Jeff Sessions, Joe Walsh, MTV EMAs, Nigel Farage, Politics, Roy Moore, sexism, Steve Bannon, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to WTF Sweet Home Alabama Special

  1. Rebecca Jay says:

    Utterly on the nail on all fronts this week WTF…I found myself slippin’ into a Southern American drawl in my head as I read the first section. And I wanted to finish your sentence about Jared Leto:
    He always does… LOOK RIDICULOUS!

  2. leslie says:

    best ever!!!

  3. Andrew Purcell says:

    *A note about aesthetics. Your English accent is charming. Your faux-hillbilly accent is not. Please don’t do that again.
    *Steven Mnuchin seems to have taken Jack Benny as his role model, but he is oblivious to the fact that Mr. Benny was a comedian who made a career of mocking the rich.
    *Demi Lovato has forgotten her blouse. Oh my…
    *Rita Oro is channeling Marilyn Monroe and the drafty subway vent without remembering that Ms. Monroe wore a skirt for that scene. Pauley Perrette pulled that look off in her role as Abby Sciuto on NCIS with much more aplomb.
    *Petite Meller looks more like something from Egon Schiele than Toulouse-Lautrec, but art is such a subjective experience.

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