WTF Loadsamoney Special

Hallo Readers,

This week, WTF forked out £25 to join the Labour Party (actually rejoin, she was a member many years ago, then lapsed), for the sole purpose of voting out Jeremy Corbyn. The truth? She is uneasy. The National Executive Committee ruled that £3 members who had been members for less than 6 months were not automatically eligible to vote. Instead, there would be a 2 -day window when anyone could join for £25 and be eligible. The whole idea of opening a 2-day window for middle-class tossers, of whom WTF is certainly one, to clamber through, waving a wedge of notes like an Oxbridge Loadsamoney, is tricky. Look at me! I’ve got £25! You’ve only got £3! You have been a member for 3 months and I have been a member for 3 days but hey! I’ve got  the financial wherewithal! I get to vote! You don’t!

But, Readers, this is what we have been reduced to. Flash your debit card or live with Corbyn. Try to buy a new Leader, even if it is Owen Smith, the President Hollande lookalikey who bolted out of nowhere to emerge as the “unity” challenger. WTF would have preferred Angela Eagle on the grounds that (i) she is smart (ii) she has experience and (iii) she is not slick and smarmy. But her piece has been removed from the Board, despite her having the guts to launch the challenge in the first place and so the choice is stark – Corbyn or Smith. Stick or fight.

Corbyn is a decent man but he ain’t no leader. He cannot persuade his own MPs to rally around him. He cannot staff his Shadow Cabinet. If he wins in September, he still will not be able to staff his Shadow Cabinet. Anyone who opposes him is dubbed a Blairite or a traitor by the Moonie-men and Moonie-women who worship him and who take to social media threatening de-selection and expulsion for non-believers with a fervour that would have the Comintern drooling.  On Tuesday, one Corbynista, who has 18,900 followers, wanted Newsnight’s Evan Davies prosecuted for failing to accord Corbyn equal exposure that night to those criticising him. WTF was unaware that Parliament had enacted a law imposing prison for disrespecting Jezza but she has been busy of late and must have missed it…..

Yes, Labour has won bye-elections and Council seats. They should. The Opposition is supposed to do well in them. Sadiq Khan won the London Mayor election whilst jerking as far from Corbyn as possible. Yes, Corbyn was democratically elected and by a large majority within the Party. But he has since proved that he is not up to the job. He cannot command his colleagues. He cannot hold the Prime Minister to account in PMQs. He goes missing when it matters. When he makes a political pronouncement, he fluffs it. 2 hours after the Brexit result, he announced that Britain should immediately trigger Article 50, signalling our intention to withdraw. A month later, he admitted to Evan Davies on Newsnight that “perhaps I expressed myself badly”.  When it was rather important to express himself well. 

This is the sort of incompetence that has driven WTF to fork out her £25. It probably will not make a difference. Corbyn will win the vote and Labour will slip further and further back. The point is not to speak to those who adore you. The point is to speak to those who do not adore you but whom you need to persuade that you can run the bloody country. Not only can Corby not do that, he shows no interest in doing that. The Moonie-men and Moonie-women clearly believe that it is more important to be anti-austerity and anti everything nasty and horrid than to form a Government. Many are too young to remember 18 years of Margaret Thatcher and John Major whilst Party members fought like ferrets in a sack. Maybe they are cool with Angela Eagle unable to hold her surgeries because of threats of physical violence against her. But WTF is not. So she will hold her nose and jump in. Because this is what failure looks like.


We start our review of the week’s sartorial stools with skier Lindsey Vonn wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

It’s the seam. That central seam like one enormous slit. Once seen, it cannot be unseen. Or unseam. Oh Lord. 

Next up, we have singer Rita Ora wearing Philipp Plein. We have not seen Rita here for quite a while.

Here’s the thing. If you have to shield your lady areas when disembarking, your dress, not that it is a dress, is too short. Fact.

Actress Kristen Stewart is back for a second week running, this time wearing Chanel.

Kristen. This is SO not your dress. If it belongs anywhere at all – a proposition  not without its controversy – it belongs on a lampshade. It does not go with your hair, it does not go with your face, it does not go with your shoes and it does not belong on an adult. And by your expression, it is clear that you already know this.

Here is another old favourite, actor Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

The jeans are a health hazard and the footwear reminds WTF of her dad in his jim jams, dressing gown and slippers cutting the front lawn on a Sunday morning (to the great disapprobation of the neighbours). The teeshirt passes muster but the satin bomber jacket is one trend WTF is not pleased to see again. And it is all by Gucci and therefore horribly expensive. File under “how to piss your money away”.

This is excellent actress Maria Bello wearing very terrible trousers by Greg Lauren, nephew of Ralph.

WTF can say with some confidence that these are amongst the very worst trousers that she ever did see in her life, a most unwelcome blend of manky old jeans and ever mankier old long johns. Just looking at them makes you want to scrub yourself with a brillo pad. Whatever Maria was paid to wear this excrescence, it was not enough.

Meet singer Larissa Eddie at the Revlon Choose Love Ball at the Victoria & Albert Museum wearing who knows what. Mind how you go now…..

On a trapeze artiste, yes. On anyone else, no. Stand by for the mandatory arse….

I bet it really hurts to sit down…..

You think that she has reached the nadir. And then she goes yet further down….Yes. It’s Kim Kardashian.

The front view is worse…

It does not help that the black patches on the camouflage jacket look like giant nipples, although she is in fact wearing a bra. If there is one thing worse than visible tit, it is visible faux-tit. But the whole purpose of the outfit is, as The Daily Mail would say, to flaunt her post-baby body, although it is more full of plastic than a credit card factory. As for the boots they are most unflattering. The last time WTF saw calves like that, they were on Bayern’s Xherdan Shaqiri and they looked better on him. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go has been suggested (separately) by WTF aficionados Ben from Bromley and Caroline from Lancaster, namely President Hollande’s hairdressing bill. Despite François being follicly challenged, (as well as sexually incontinent), the French Republic is paying one Olivier B €10,000 A MONTH to keep the Presidential pate in prime condition. Oh, and he gets a housing allowance and “other benefits”. This apparently is so that he can be on call 24 hours a day. To do what? Apply a slug of hair dye and tousle the tufty thing on the top of Hollande’s head?

Olivier’s efforts are not €120,000-worth of anyone’s money. Frankly, never was so much expended for so little result. David Cameron gave his barber an MBE but at least he paid for his own haircut. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF loves them like anything, not to mention your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To GoLet us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

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4 Responses to WTF Loadsamoney Special

  1. One look at Kim K and the only words I could muster were “why does this woman even exist!” What purpose does she serve? Why is she just EVERYWHERE! Please go away! I’d gladly fork out £25… to vote her out.

  2. Lottie says:

    I am a Corbyn supporter, and proud of it. I am also a proper member of the Labour party, not a supporter who just wants to vote. I’m sick of the right wing media telling half truths and downright lies about this campaign – for example, the famous brick through the constituency office window that in actual fact was a brick through a window on a stairwell used by 5 other organisations and the chucker of the brick wasn’t aiming for the Labour office anyway. Owen Smith is totally unelectable, with the charisma of an overboiled cabbage. He may also run up against a few probs with the EVEL rules – English votes for English laws – as he is Welsh. A leader of the opposition who is barred ftom the majority of the business of the Commons. Not good.

  3. Joshua LaPorte
    Joshua LaPorte says:

    Second time I’ve seen something about Rita Ora today… I suppose she is desperately trying to become relevant? I am still not clear what she does (same can be said for Ms. Kardashian)

  4. Joyce W says:

    Dear WTF – Im afraid you’ve fallen off the wagon again – and it was going quite well. You keep on falling for the same snare again and again. She just wants attention and sadly you give it to her. Accept it – she looks bad all the time – it would be newsworthy if she resembled a human being but as we all know – that ain’t going to happen. No more of that family in your otherwise excellent column – please?

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