wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

So after telling us that he was going nowhere, and that he would fight any Leadership challenger who might seek to overhrow him, Keir Starmer stepped out into Downing Street on Monday morning, took to the hastily erected podium, and threw in the towel. It was all over, not with a bang but with a whimper. He was dignified. He was gracious. He was moist-eyed when talking about his wife and his children. But by God, he was dull. Even at the moment of admitting that he was not the man for the job, he showed us why he was not the man for the job. As Hamlet put it, our withers were unwrung. Other than when he is talking about his beloved Arsenal, or chastising Nigel Farage for being a rabble-rousing bigot, Starmer maintains a flat monotone at all times, so that whatever he is talking about, most of which is quite sensible (until he does a U-turn and shifts into reverse), he never makes it sing. Obama he ain’t. How he ever made a living at the Bar is a mystery.

No sooner had Starmer gone back indoors than Andy-Mania broke out, even before the train had left Manchester Piccadilly. Once the train had got going, bearing its precious cargo, TV cameramen hung out of planes capturing its progress as it travelled south. It was like waiting for Nelson Mandela to walk out of Robben Island. At least Avanti North West managed to leave on time, which is more than it usually does. Burnham issued a pompous statement thanking Starmer for his service, almost as if he were already the PM, rather than someone who had yet to be sworn in as a MP. Meanwhile, Where’s Streeting, who had been telling us that he had the votes to launch a Leadership Challenge ever since he resigned six weeks ago, promptly endorsed Burnham and said he would not be standing, enabling us to conclude that he was either a stalking horse all along, and/or he never had the votes, and/or that he had bottled it and/or that he had been promised a cushy job in the Burnham Cabinet. The one that has yet to be formed by the man who has yet to be chosen as the next Leader.

Readers, this will go on until at least 9 July, which is when nominations close for the Leadership Contest.  To date, no one else has come forward, other than to pledge obeisance to the Heir Apparent. Possible challengers include Al Carns, a man of whom no one had ever heard until he resigned as a junior Defence Minister and followed the Secretary of State for Defence out of the door. WTF has no doubt that Carns will fall into line, leaving a challenger to come from the obscure ranks of the back benches for the sake of making it look as if it is not a coronation and that (some) members of the country will have a say on who will lead them. But honestly, can anyone bear ANOTHER contest? It is very hot, the trains do not work as the rails keep melting, or something, and, in the main, no one has air-conditioning. The World Cup is on, and on late, as the USA is 5-8 hours behind the UK. Everyone is sleep-deprived and pissed off. No one wants to listen to Burnham and AN Other boring on about the triple lock. As far as WTF can see, the only benefit of not getting on with the Changing of the Guard is that if the contest goes past 9 July, Starmer will still be PM; so that, IF Engerland get to the Final on 19 July, he can fly out and sit next to the bigwigs, thus allowing him both to hug Harry Kane and the lads if we win, and to tell the Rancid Kumquat to fuck right off, whether we win or not.

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We start our review of the week’s abysmal attire in Los Angeles for a garden party thrown by clean beauty brand Uni (you can buy it in Space NK). On the right is Alexandra Keating, its founder. On the left is model and actor Kaia Gerber, (Cindy Crawford’s daughter), wearing an alleged dress by Calvin Klein. 

Alexandra’s dress resembles an elongated lab coat while Kaia’s combination of the side-boobacious pinafore, hat, and nasty shoes makes her look like a porno nurse.

Still in Los Angeles, we find ourselves at the SAG-AFTRA Foundation, where actor Lisa Briones was giving an Acting Class. Lisa plays Dr Trinity Santos in HBO’s wondrous The Pitt;  when this season comes to an end shortly, WTF will probably need counselling. In fact, she is getting a bit teary just thinking about it.

Lisa needs a lesson herself  – on clothing. That is a nightie, and an ugly one to boot. It should not be worn over faded jeans and pointy brown shoes, and certainly not outdoors. WTF feels compelled to point out that satin is clingy and therefore does not sit well over zipped jeans and belt loops, leaving Lisa with what could be mistaken for protruding scars. One can only surmise that Lisa’s suitcase was lost in transit, thus limiting her options to her nightwear and her travelling clothes from the previous day.

 

Here we are at Manchester Station where Prime-Minister-in-Waiting Andy Burnham is en route from Manchester to Westminster to be sworn in as MP for Makersfield. 

Look, no-one expects Burnham to go around on a hot day dressed in a full suit and tie, but he looks like a slob. The whole ensemble, including the scuffed trainers, seems to have come out of the rummage basket at Matalan. The jeans are truly terrible, and the tee-shirt (which he says is blue, not black), has had too many excursions to and from the washing machine; and it was cheap tat to start with. Worse, you can see his nipples! PUT THOSE NIPPLES AWAY, SIR! WTF hates Visible Nipple activity almost above all things. Buy something of much better quality and take at least a size up. And unlike Sir Keir in the early days of his Premiership, please pay for it yourself….

 

 

Now we are at the New York premiere of Supergirl. This is the star, actor Milly Alcock, wearing Balenciaga.

The top of the bodice is like the back of a child’s car seat, and then it goes all Elizabethan doublet, as if worn by Sir Francis Drake. As for the gloves, they passeth all understanding.

 

Now to Milan for Mens’ Fashion Week where idiocy was in abundance. This is actor Charles Melton kitted out by Louis Vuitton.

 

Waitsorrywhat? What is occurring? Why is he dressed as Dame Agatha Christie?

 

 

And now to actor Connor Storrie kitted out in an unseasonal coat and boots at St Laurent.

This is so…..slithery. He looks like the lovechild of a Gestapo officer and a flasher.

 

And finally, here is actor Keith Powers at the same event, making a bid for the WTF Summer Stinker 2026 (which will be coming shortly).

Shorty jim-jams, shirt and tie, socks, brogues and a coat. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??????

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire, who took a very poor view of the ghastly Z-lister Lizzie Cundy and her white lace Ascot dress, for which she was turned away by the stewards. Bindy was eloquent on the subject and WTF will simply quote her verbatim…..

 “If you are dressing to go to Ascot, you should dress to go to Ascot. No stilettos getting you stuck into the lawn; no appalling tarty dresses, as if you are going to a nightclub. You’re there to watch the horses. It’s very unattractive and it doesn’t work in the broad sunshine. Huge tits should not be on display. The thing Lizzie Cundy wore was completely wrong – did nobody tell her what the event was? It’s a bit like turning up in a long dress with a tiara on the beach – you don’t do it simply because the conditions aren’t right for it”. Bang on, Bindy. WTF would only add that Lizzie later tried to claim that her dress was lined, when clearly, it was not. Not at the back, anyway, as we could see her arse cheeks. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x