wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

WTF’s father had an excellent turn of phrase. One of his favourite sayings was “yenems ist besser“. Roughly translated from the Yiddish, it means that spending other people’s money is much better than having to spend your own. And indeed “yenems ist besser” appears to be the Rancid Kumquat’s guiding principle, not that principle is remotely the right word here. He is building a mighty pleasure dome, something that Kubla Khan would not have dared even to envisage. WTF refers to the White House ballroom, which has doubled, and then quadrupled, in size, and the vulgar interior of which speaks to the same lack of taste which has led to the transformation of the minimalist elegance of the Oval Office into an Istanbul knocking shop. The American public was first told that the President and his rich cronies, or “patriots” as he prefers to call them, would put up the money for this gaudy nonsense, and that it would not cost them a dime. It now appears that underneath the ballroom is some sort of bunker that would put Hitler to shame, somewhere where the Rancid Kumquat can hunker down in 2028 after refusing to cede power. What with that, and the apparent imperative for absolute security following the alleged assassination attempt on him at the Washington Hilton earlier this year – colour me sceptical- he is now demanding that the American taxpayer foot the bill, which has risen from $400 million to $1 billion. The usual Republican toadies have fallen into line; and the other day WTF was stunned to witness some pastor telling a Christian gathering that it was God’s Will for this ballroom to be built. God, of course, having nothing better to think about at this present time.

And now comes a new scandalous application of “yenems ist besser“. The President sued the government, the one he runs, for leaking details about his and his family’s tax affairs. A settlement for this daft claim has just been agreed with the Department of Justice, now run by the Rancid Kumquat’s former personal lawyer, acting Attorney-General, Todd Blanche. Of course, it is irrelevant that Blanche is lobbying to get the permanent post. The settlement not only prohibits the government from ever investigating any of the family for any dodgy tax activity, now or in the future, (i.e. practically every single thing they do), but it also creates a fund of $1.8 billion to compensate victims of so-called “weaponisation”. The fund will be administered by four trustees, whom the President has the power to remove at will, and by Blanche himself. Which means that every fucker who defecated in Congress on January 6, 2021 and spread the shit on the wall, who assaulted police officers, who smashed windows, and who called for the Vice President to be hanged, will get a lovely payout from the public purse. Seeing as the Rancid Kumquat regards himself as the victim of such political prosecution, perhaps he too will be eligible for a payout. Except that we will never know about it, as there will be no transparency. Others are also intending to apply, get this, people who were sued in civil cases for falsely alleging that the election was rigged by dodgy voting machines operated by lasers. On this basis, it would only be fair that those Democrats who are currently being put through the mill as punishment for opposing him, including James Comey, Letitia James, Senator Mark Kelly and anyone else who did not roll over and waggle their legs in the air. Although WTF suspects that the Trustees may not consider them as eligible.

This blatant corruption might actually be a step too far for the supine wankers in the Senate and the House. The Senate and the House has declined to vote on a bill the President wanted passed and the GOP gave Blanche a very hard time when he tried to justify the scheme to them.  Whether it actually amounts to anything by way of meaningful opposition remains to be seen. But is it not breathtaking beyond measure that the US has reached the stage where its assets have become the personal Presidential piggybank? 

************************************************************************

Here are Eurovision Song Contest hosts Victoria Swarovski wearing Valdrin Sahiti, and her co-host Michael Ostrowski. And yes, she is related to the Swarovski jewellery family. In fact she is the heir. 

There is a reason that these two are not in It’s Got To Go. WTF aficionado Nicola had already bagged the spot with her complaint about our UK entry “Eins Zwei Drei” – you can read what she says at the bottom of the blog. Even by the über-sickly Eurovision standards, Victoria and Michael were simply frightful, cooing, simpering and cracking  jokes which were in fact less funny than a programme of root canal treatment without anaesthetic. Among their various changes of costume, Victoria (a former model) wore this green goddess Minge Waterfall thing while Michael was dressed as a sparkling hobgoblin.

It is bad enough to be dressed as a parking hobgoblin, but this is a sequinned hobgoblin with a chain belt, last seen in 1970. (WTF had one. As she has previously related, it scratched the back of the mahogany dining chairs so badly that WTF père issued an edict forbidding her from wearing it anywhere near the dining table on pain of death. Heaven knows how much the French Polishing must have cost).

To the Academy of Country Music Awards in Nashville, Tennessee, where we encounter singer Keith Urban, soon-to-be-ex husband of Nicole Kidman.

This is fine were Keith to be popping out for a burger and fries. But he is not popping out for burger and fries. Instead, he was on the ACM Awards Red Carpet. Note that the women on these occasions get undressed to the nines, with a preponderance of body parts on display. Blokes, on the other hand, just wear any old thing and do not bombard us with plunging necklines, arse-cheeks and penis-peek. We are some way away from equality…..

Contrast the case of singer Kasey Musgraves, wearing Tanner Fletcher.

Actually, this is quite covered up for Kasey, who has opted for a black sheath with a couple of white snakes slithering upwards, with their heads nibbling her nipples.

To the Cannes Film Festival with actor Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel.

It is awfully peekaboo and very slithery, like the slime emitted by a crawling snail.

And here is actor Demi Moore, wearing Gucci.

Who knew that hairy cavemen wore kneeboots and an emerald choker? Oh, and by the way, a bearskin does not seem wholly weather-appropriate for the south of France in May.

Next up, we have actor Vicky Krieps wearing Bottega Veneta.

If Shaun the Sheep wore a deconstructed suit, white stilettos and lots of diamonds, this is what he would look like.

It gets worse. Here is actor Natasha Lyonne wearing something for which no designer has taken credit. Teams of crack detectives are currently working around the clock to try and find out why he/she/they is staying anonymous.

So basically, this is Tom Hiddlestone as Henry V in the BBC’s excellent The Hollow Crown, garnished with a fanny frond, sunglasses and tits complete with VNA (Visible Nipple Activity). WTF hates VNA almost above all things. Particularly when the said glasses are the same shape as the said tits.

And finally, we have singer Halsey wearing something deeply bizarre.

This is a baby grow corset. WTF has not seen one before and fervently hopes never to see another one – ever.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Nicola from Highgate, who is fed up with shite UK songs in the Eurovision Song Contest. Nicola watched the show with friends and while she enjoyed the evening, she did not appreciate our representative, Sam Battle, dressed like something out of CeeBeebies, yelling Eins Zwei Drei (One, Twe, Three) into the microphone while accompanied by four blokes with fur-edged computer screens instead of heads and doing some sort of dance. Whatever it was, it was not a song. More Lost Batttle than Sam Battle. 

Nicola says that if you are going to enter a Song Contest, sing a bloody song. You know, one with a tune. And some lyrics. And sung by a singer with a good voice, not some prat in pink of whom no one has ever heard, and with good reason. Bring back Sandie Shaw singing Puppet on a String. Europe hates us enough already, Do not give them more reason to do so. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x