wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

What reasonable person could object to this photo, posted last weekend on Truth Social, the Presidential Pravda? It is obviously the Rancid Kumquat as a medical doctor, healing his patient with a kindly hand to the forehead. WTF’s father was a doctor. Every day, he used to don his flowing robes, climb into his chariot and trot down Muswell Hill to North East London to tend to the sick. He would come home for lunch and then play bridge, before trotting back down in the chariot for afternoon surgery and home visits. Honesty compels WTF to admit that she does not recall any light emanating from his hands, and she is fairly sure that he had a stethoscope round his neck while on duty, but these are mere details…..

Doctors are often said to have a God complex, but now it seems that God has a doctor complex, and the Rancid Kumquat’s principal faith advisor (!!!!!!!!) has compared him to Jesus on many occasions. Do not forget that he (the Rancid Kumquat, not Jesus), has an in-depth knowledge of matters medical; for example, the time he suggested sticking a UV light up your bum and swallowing bleach to get rid of COVID; or the time he told pregnant women not to take Tylenol, which would cause their babies to develop autism. Only this week, it emerged that he drinks Diet Coke to kill cancer cells, based upon his analysis that if you pour the stuff on weeds, it kills them. It is true that his diet is rank, but then doctors are notoriously bad at looking after their own health….

Be that howsoever it may be, this is yet one more episode of the long running soap opera that is the 47th US Presidency. You must admit that it is never dull. Mind you, Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell was probably pretty lively, but you would not want to live in it. In addition to portraying himself as Dr Jesus, the Rancid Kumquat spent the week insulting the Pope, who is apparently “soft on crime” and who expressed his opposition to the war-not-that-it-is-a-war against Iran, and carpet bombing, and threats of genocide, and the like. Moreover, according to the Rancid Kumquat, Leo would not have become Pope at all but for the fact that, as a American, the Vatican thought that he would be able to stand up to the US President. This general madness was backed up by Vice President and alleged sofa-shagger, JD Vance (a recent Catholic covert), who opined that His Holiness should be “careful when commenting about theology”, thus confirming what we already knew about Vance, namely that he is a smug, pompous, portentous, prick who is wrong about everything. The Pontiff is more than qualified to speak about what Jesus would or not would think, it being his actual job; and certainly so in circumstances where the US Secretary of War invokes Christianity and Jesus as underpinning the war-not-that-it-is-a-war, and generally acts as though he is personally carrying out the Conquest of Constantinople. If anyone is entitled to tell the Rancid Kumquat, Vance and Hegseth to fuck right off, it is Pope Leo. Keep it up, Your Holiness, while the World cheers on your endeavours. Amen.

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We begin our survey of the week’s sartorial slurry with actor Timothée Chalamet at CinemaCon in Las Vegas  wearing…well, you will see.

Yurgle! What the fuck are those jeans? Timothée is very babyfaced, and appalled onlookers could be forgiven for supposing that he had shat his nappy and then, er, rolled in the surplus.

Now we are at the Fashion Trust U.S. Awards in Los Angeles, where a variety of famous people looked farcical, starting with bits-flasher Julia Fox wearing Ashley Williams.

The good news is that she is covered up. The bad news is that she is wearing a silky nightdress tacked onto a giant teeshirt, channelling Ariel in The Little Mermaid. What the green shoes or the yellow handbag have to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say.

And here is actor Lana Condor wearing House of Gilles.  Mind how you go with this one…just saying….

The good news is that those are her own tits. The bad news is that we have to look at them. Actually, the dress looked lovely on the runway model, who was about a foot taller than Lana and had a lot less tittage. In contrast, Lana looks like a pissed bride at the end of the wedding party, while her cups runneth over….

Here we are at the HBO max launch of the final series of Hacks, with one of its stars, Hannah Einbinder, wearing Valentino.

Ummm…. this is a night gown, with lace cutouts. WTF baulks at the imminent Minge Moment, and also at the bodice, with floral nip-tips and a general resemblance to two blueberry ice cream cones.  

To London and the Olivier Awards (the British version of the Tonys), where we encounter acclaimed actor Cate Blanchett wearing Lanvin.

Oh Cate! It is bad enough that you are flashing your belly button; but it is much, much, worse that you are flashing it through a mesh thing that brings a confessional box to mind. Which is where you – and Lanvin – should be going to apologise for that dress.

Stephen Libby from The Traitors was also there, for reasons that escape WTF completely, wearing – well, who can even say what this is?

Quite apart from what Stephen was even doing there, the getup is truly puzzling. For a start, it does not appear to have a fly, like something worn by a skater. And further, the orange and black combo makes him look like a minstrel bug, which is extremely ridiculous.

And finally, we are at the launch of series 3 of Euphoria. Say hallo to actor Natasha Lyonne, wearing vintage Gaultier.

This falls squarely into the category of “that’s not even clothes”. You know those dreams where you realise that you have gone out in your undies? Attention! This is NOT a dream! REPEAT. This is NOT a dream….

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington, who is fed up to her back teeth with the seemingly interminable saga of female TV personalities and their husbands-who-are-not-actually-their-husbands-at-all; this despite the fact that they “got married” on telly in a sea of tulle and tits. In the last few weeks, the papers have been full of stuff about Olivia Attwood and Stacey Solomon, who have both spent years seemingly married to their respective non-spouses, Bradley Dack and Joe Swash, when, actually, they weren’t. Not even at all. 

Stacey and Joe are still together, although recently she has been spotted without her wedding ring, the celeb distress signal to the tabloids that all is not well at home. Apparently, Stacey and Joe have been “too busy” to make it down to the local registry office – for the last three and a half years. According to the fons et origo of this stuff,  the Daily Mail, Olivia has now split with Bradley and taken up with somoene else, and she might have delayed making the marriage legal “to protect her fortune”. To both couples, WTF says, FEH! And again, FEH! Pretending to be married for ratings is plain dishonest. Oh, and Olivia – if a man pretended to be married in order to safeguard his fortune, he would be roundly criticised. Equality means men and women get treated the same, love. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.