wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

The US is at war with Eye-Ran. Or is is just a skirmish? Or a special operation? WTF’s view is that when you kill their leadership of another country, bomb the hell out of them, take out their nuclear facility (the same one you claimed to have obliterated only last June), and attack their armed forces, you are at war. And if you are not at war, what exactly are you doing? The US is joined in this endeavour by Israel, which is in absolutely no doubt that it is at war with Eye-Ran, because there is nothing that Benjamin Netanyahu likes better than bombing the hell out of Israel’s enemies, of which there are many. The thing is, however, that the US Constitution stipulates that Congress is supposed to decide on whether the US goes to war, not the deranged Rancid Kumquat and his ridiculous side-kick Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of State for War. And definitely not Benjamin Netanyahu. But Congress has again gone AWOL in clear dereliction of its duty. Meanwhile, Hegseth is clearly so thrilled by the amount of heavy-duty hardware he is unleashing upon Eye-Ran and the Eye-Ranians that one can only be grateful that he is standing behind a podium, sparing us the sight of his priapic excitement. 

So what is the point of this war-that-is-not-a-war-or-is-it? What is it for? As to this, there might as well be a cookie jar out of which you can pick your favourite flavour. At the moment, it is all or any of the following: regime change (since denied, although the President still says he wants a say in the successor to the late, not-at-all-missed, murderous Ayatollah Khamenei); to take out their nuclear facilities (see above); Israel was going to attack Eye-Ran, so they had to go along with it (which Marco Rubio said on the Sunday and then denied saying on the Monday); Eye-Ran was about to attack the US (With what? They do not have any weapon which could reach that far);  Trump ‘had a feeling, based on fact’ that Eye-Ran was about to attack the US (which is not even a thing); Eye-Ran had tried to kill the Rancid Kumquat and this was payback (hmm); and Eye-Ran was behind every terrorist group in the region (which is actually true). And that is only this week’s menu of explanations – doubtless, there will be new ones as this this war-that-is-not-a-war-or-is-it drags on and on and people die in their droves, not only in Eye-ran and Israel but also in the places Eye-Ran has attacked in retaliation, including all their neighbours in the Gulf, whilst Israel is again bombing Lebanon. The reason that the US cannot give a reason is that they do not know exactly what the reason is, other than they wanted to do it. Further, given that there is no stated aim for this war-that-is-not-a-war-or-is-it, it is also unclear what the end of it looks like. Potential successors who might have taken over, who were part of the very regime that has been bombed to hell, copped it alongside the Ayatollah, and the White House does not really know who else to go for; they don’t want the son of the former Shah, even as a caretaker; and whereas they would like the people to rise up and take over, that is tricky because they cannot get out of their houses as they are being bombarded, they have no weapons and are not being offered any, and the armed forces and the police who still out there do have weapons. However, according to arch-toady Senator Lindsey Graham, it is not the job of the President to decide what happens next or to have a plan. Which rather begs the question as to whose job it is.

Meanwhile, Keir Starmer has upset the US by first denying them any use of our airbases in Diego Garcia or England, and then by agreeing to grant them use but for defensive reasons only, not offensive. Which is the typical bugger’s muddle in which Starmer excels. The Rancid Kumquat complained that Starmer is no Churchill, although he is certainly no FDR. The rightwing nutters in this country have showered Starmer with abuse, being in great indignation at his insistence on abiding by International Law. How very dare he? Perhaps after a year of crawling up the Presidential fundament, it seems that Starmer may finally found a scintilla of backbone. But a scintilla is not enough.

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Our bumper review of the week’s clothing calamities comes from the Brits, the Brit version of the Grammys. This year’s ceremony, held in Manchester, offered some particularly rich pickings. We start with singer Ellie Rowsell of Wolf Alice, seen here with her bandmates, wearing a most peculiar ensemble.

Wait, sorry, what? She is wearing a fishing net and tights. Has she grown a penis? She looks like Errol Flynn in Robin Hood, (the proper one made in 1938, not the stupid Kevin Costner one where he walks from Dover to Nottingham in 4 hours).

 

Singer Fleur East wearing an outfit designed and made by her stylist, Scott Da Silva-Wells.

Have Fleur and Scott fallen out? If a clown had sex with a bellhop, this is what their offspring would look like.

 

Singer Sasha Kearney, wearing who can even say what this is…..

WTF is forced to point out that Sasha should have taken a size up, as her tits spilleth over, like a quart poured into a pint pot. That bodice is patently not up the job. As for the outfit as a whole, the effect is of a marble statue with a lacy minge moment skirt and a ginger wig.

 

Singer Harry Styles, wearing Chanel.

It’s fine….until you get to the ballet shoes. No man should wear ballet shoes, ever, unless he is in a ballet. And never with socks, of any hue, ever.

 

Singer and personalitee, serial offender Tallia Storm, wearing Hartiswim, designed by her mother, Tessa Hartmann.

Tessa Hartmann has confused Roy Lichtenstein pop art with pop out, in this case, Tallia’s tits. As for the boots, WTF prefers not to speak of them.

 

Singer Celeste, wearing something vintage.

Why is she dressed as a young Cillian Murphy in Cold Mountain?

 

Singer Rhian Teasdale of Wet Leg.

She resembles a ragged street urchin, only the ragged street urchin in the picture below does not have carpet-burn on her kneecaps.

 

Singer Kara Marni, wearing RifeandStride.

There is something vaguely biblical slave-woman about this get-up, which basically seems to comprise a beach sarong and a tit strap doubling as a hood.

 

 

Singer Rosalía, wearing Chanel.

WTF is bound to express concerns for the fate of shaggy white dogs in the vicinity of Rosalia’s house; they appear to have been rounded up and turned into a top and skirt. And her waistband resembles the one on a pair of men’s boxer shorts.

 

Singer Jacob Alon, who won the Critics’ Choice Award on the night.

What the fuck is going on here? He looks like a gold nugget wrapped in cobwebs; he also seems to be sporting a bejewelled nose clip, like a camp swimmer.

 

Finally, singer Lola Young wearing M for Macy Grimshaw.

Never mind, M for Macy Grimshaw, this is more of a case for V for Vomit; it is one of the worst things that WTF ever did see in her life. The top is like a branded rubber tyre, and is the least flattering top in the history of tops. The trousers have nothing to do with the top, do not fit anywhere, not even by accident, and seem to have come from the skins of several desperately diseased snakes. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Claire from Birmingham, who is unhappy at the recent trend of men undergoing cosmetic procedures. In particular, she was aghast to come across this picture of actor Jim Carrey, whose face looks as smooth as a billiard ball with cheeks like a couple of hamster pouches. Carrey is 62.

WTF stands squarely behind Claire. Carrey looks absurd. WTF has never forgiven him for Dumb and Dumber, but even she would not wish this horror upon him. And while he is about it, get rid of that horrible lank hair. The whole thing has Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in comments and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x