wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

You have to admit that the BBC certainly knows how to pick them. The paedophiles like Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris and, in a lower category of appalling, Huw Edwards. The bullying braggarts like Russell Brand. The sex pests like Tim Westwood. And this week, the deeply dismal Gregg Wallace, star of Masterchef,  Celebrity Masterchef, Professional Masterchef, Kiddy Masterchef, and Doggy Masterchef (OK, I made that one up). It is not entirely clear what exactly Wallace did and did not do, but 45 out of 83 allegations of inappropriate behaviour over nearly 20 years were upheld in an independent investigation. The majority of substantiated allegations related to inappropriate sexual language and humour. A smaller number of allegations were upheld concerning his making insensitive comments and three of being in a state of undress.  The investigation also upheld one allegation of unwanted physical contact. It appears that between 2005 and 2025, there were six complaints to the production company and six to the BBC, but Wallace carried on leering into the camera and saying ‘Ooh, that’s tasty’ until he was suspended last year. And many others did not complain because they were freelance and fearful of losing their jobs. Wallace was a star, and when you’re a star, as the 45th/47th President of the USA once remarked, you can do anything. Which proved to be one of the few things he ever said which turned out to be true. So that although Wallace used crude and sexist language, with a particular fixation on lesbians, made personal remarks that made women cringe, and thrice exposed his todger to people who did not want to see it, he carried on eating the featherlight soufflés and the deep-fried calves’ brains with vanilla notes. While making a lot of money.

It has to be said that Wallace did not help himself once he was suspended. He posted on Instagram that the complaints against him were made by ‘a handful of middle-class women of a certain age’. That is the problem with menopausal and post-menopausal women – we take umbrage at the unbidden sight of a colleague’s todger, which is about as enticing as a soggy sponge with a coulis of wild garlic. And, for that matter, so do young women, and  women generally, whether they are middle-class, upper-class or working class. They do not wish to hear some loudmouth colleague boasting about how many times he did it last night, or his speculation about what lesbians do in bed. Fact.

Even after getting the heave-ho, Wallace still does not get it. He has blamed some of his behaviour on his autism, and also maintains that his disability prevented him from wearing underpants (apparently, they chafe). WTF is not an expert in neuro-diversity, but she suspects that this is baloney. Similarly, she is unimpressed by Wallace’s summary of the real cause of his dismissal. ‘This has been brutal. For a working class man with a direct manner, modern broadcasting has become a dangerous place. I was the headline this time. But I won’t be the last’. No love, being working-class was not the problem, unless we are to believe that all working-class men display their todger at work and talk endlessly about sex. The problem is you being an arrogant pillock with limited talent and an exaggerrated sense of entitlement, protected by management because you were bringing in the big bucks.

Still, do not feel too sorry for Wallace. He will doubtless pop up on ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here’ munching on a kangaroo testicle and showing off his abs. These people never go away for good. If only…..

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We start our review of the week’s woeful wear in Los Angeles with singer Miley Cyrus wearing Maison Margiela.

According to Genesis 28, Jacob had a very hairy twin brother Esau. Jacob, in a somewhat unbrotherly way, pretended to be Esau by wearing a goatskin and thus deceived his old dad Isaac, who was blind, into giving him Esau’s inheritance. As you can imagine, Esau was highly displeased and expressed his intention to do Jacob some serious harm, whereupon Jacob legged it. One night, he found himself out in the open near Haran. ‘And he lighted upon the place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took one of the stones of the place, and put it under his head, and lay down in that place to sleep. And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven; and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it’. That is what Miley’s jeans look like. Meanwhile, it is to be hoped that SiriusXM has fully-functioning air-conditioning; otherwise she is going to be awfully hot in that fur jacket. In Los Angeles. In July.

Next up, we are at Wimbledon where celebritees come to feast on free fare and to watch some tennis. One of them was actor Will Poulter. Scroll down slowly….

Will! It was all going so will, I mean, well, in an ever-so-English-Hugh-Grant-crumpled sort of way and then we get to the trousers, which, like Jacob and Esau, are not on speaking terms with the ankles. Not to mention the socks, which, unlike Jacob and Esau, look completely different the one to the other. As a result, Will is less Hugh Grant and more Frank Spencer.

Also stuffing down the strawberries was singer Olly Murs.

 Laura Ashley has risen and is walking around London SW19. Why would a grown man want to look like a 1990s bedroom?

We are now back in Los Angeles, where we find actor and singer Hannah Waddingham wearing Stella McCartney at the premiere of SMURFS. 

Regular Readers will know that WTF is not a fan of Stella, not even at all, and this is why. What on earth is the point of the frilly tits? And what is that stupid band around the thighs, like a denim sack race in white stilettos?

It has been a while since we have seen singer Rita Ora. She was once a regular, not to say a given, in these pages. But now she is back with a bang, out and about in New York wearing Vaquera.

Those zips are an invitation to trouble, and the handbag resembles the top of a medieval mace. But WTF’s main disapprobation is reserved for the top. To be perfectly frank, it looks like an unfastened yuge black bra. Yurgle.

And finally here is a pregnant Rihanna, wearing Alaïa at Giorgio Baldi’s restaurant in Los Angeles.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who had a near-death experience last week. She was crossing the road near her home – on a zebra crossing – when she was almost mown down by someone riding an electric Lime Bike, earphones in and going like the clappers. WTF managed to leap out of the way and the bastard cycled off without a care in the world.

Be in no doubt. WTF absolutely hates Lime Bikes. She hates the way they are just left lying around on pavements. A recent report has shown that many of them are faulty and a lot of cyclists sustain serious injuries when they topple over, their legs becoming trapped under the very heavy frame. Apparently, hospitals now look at those brought in clutching their limbs and ask ‘Lime Bike?’ Because these bikes are electric, they can go very fast and they can cause damage to cyclists and pedestrians. Plus, cyclists generally seem to consider that the laws of the road do not apply to them and they are under no obligation to stop at traffic lights, or zebra crossings, or give way lines, or at all. She is sick of it. It’s Got to Go.

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go as well as your comments, which WTF much enjoys. You can follow her on @wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x