wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Friday 16 May was supposed to be the day when the President of Russia and the President of Ukraine sat down together in Ankara and talked about peace. It was Russia which proposed the talks in the first place. Zelenskyy said that he would attend. President 47 said that he would attend if it would get Putin to attend. But on Thursday 15 May, the list all those attending came out and Putin was not on it. The Russian Defence Secretary was not on it or the Russian Foreign Minister  or indeed any major player. Rather like those minor cup competitions where the big-name teams put out a selection of teenagers, second stringers and players returning from long term injury, the Russian delegation is decidedly third-tier. Other than hanging a giant banner over Red Square with the words Fuck You emblazoned upon it, Putin could not have made his attutude to peace any clearer. Now Zelenskyy is not going and US Secretary of State Rubio is not going and the whole thing is a dud. 47 is now claiming that Putin did not go because 47  was not going, even though 47 had said only hours earlier that he would go if Putin did. His belief in his abilities to broker peace settlements is as misplaced as his belief in his abilities to bring the World to heel through tariffs. He now maintains that the only way to get this sorted is for him and Putin to sit down together, so that we have come full circle from his original proposal that the US and Russia sort this matter out between them without Ukraine even being present, although they have an interest in the question, what with having been invaded and hundreds of thousands of its citizens killed, injured and raped and many cities badly damaged or completely destroyed.

Last weekend, the Prime Ministers of the UK and Poland, the German Chancellor and the French President went to Kiev to express solidarity with Ukraine. It is not possible to fly directly, given the likelihood of being shot down, and so it is necessary to take a train for part of the journey. On the way back, a photo went viral which purported to show Macron at a table in a carriage with Starmer and Merz and furtively snatching at a pile of white powder. Close inspection of the photo proved that the white substance was in fact a used tissue, but when did the truth matter where social media is concerned? Many people were more than willing to believe that Macron is the biggest cokehead since Al Pacino in Scarface,  just as many people believe that Zelenskyy is the owner of two super yachts on the basis of a clearly forged receipt with the wrong vendors’ title on it or that Olana Zelenskyya bought $1,000,000 worth of jewellery in Cartier on 5th Avenue, even though the Zelenskyys were in fact in Canada that day, and not in the US. And so the Russian propaganda mill churns out this stuff in order to discredit its enemies; people repeat it either because they want to believe it;  or because they are too stupid to see that they are being conned; or because they do not believe it but it furthers their own narrative, which is either to let Ukraine fail through lack of financial support or to advance the cause of a murderous dictator whom they claim wants peace when he cannot even be bothered to turn up at a meeting he himself suggested.

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We start our review of the week’s crappy clobber at the Cannes Film Festival with one of this year’s judges, actor Jeremy Strong, wearing Loro Piano and tastefully toning Lanvin sneakers.

Oh my Lord. He looks like someone on an over-60’s holiday. The shirt has pop-studs, making it easier for arthritic fingers, and something odd has happened to to the hem.  Anyway, WTF hates puce almost above all things because it looks like shit on everyone and is evocative of a diseased plum.

 

To Toyko and the photoshoot for the opening there of Mission Impossible – The Final Reckoning, where we find actor Pom Klementieff wearing Maison Margiela Artisanal.

It is worse – much worse – from the side.

Tom Cruise did not have his dangly bits ready to pop out. Simon Pegg’s arse was not primed to play peek-a-boo in the Land of the Rising Sun. But Pom is pretty and blond and so she has to wear stuff like this. Sexist nonsense. This is an haute-couture flasher pac a mac and it is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment.

 

To New York and singer Doechii turning up at her record label HQ.

First, the good bits. The hat is cute on her and the shoes are fun.  Now, the bad bits, to whit everything else. Including the visible pockets hanging out of her short-shorts like a couple of misplaced giant sanitary pads. Pockets are supposed to be in trousers/shorts, not instead of them.

 

We are now in London at the BAFTA TV Awards. Here are musical theatre stars, the excellent Marisha Wallace wearing Önuunë and the ubiquitous Billy Porter, wearing a plumed macramé hanging basket and a silly hat. Is it International Silly Hat Week? WTF must have missed the memo.

Billy will be Billy and actually, this is quite muted for him. As for Marisha, a few years after she spoke out about how plus-sized stars are discriminated against in the industry, she lost 80 lbs and now is to be seen in slinky little dresses like this one. There is something weird about the visible tit peeking through the tit window. It looks like a cupboard knob stuck onto her body rather than a body part which is naturally part of her body.,

 

Also there was Internet Sensation Jay Beech, looking like a pillock. Although, to be fair, that is his schtick.

If an Amish man went to the BAFTAs dressed as Fagin dressed as Billy Porter, this is what he would look like.

 

And here is another nonentity, TV personalitee Christine McGuinness wearing Gert-Johan Coetzee.

Once again, it looks even worse from the side.

It is as if The Thing from The Addams Family is groping her chest. While melting. Yurgle.

 

To the Gold Gala in Los Angeles and rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Quine Li.

She is wearing a couple of the floatation rings that babies wear when they are learning to swim. Including the new fad for neck floats. Plus her tits look squashed, like those cartoon characters when they get flattened by a lorry or a flung-open door.

 

Finally, we have singer Doja Cat at a Wango Tango KissFM event, wearing The Blonds.

She is using her preposterously-inflated tits as a washing line. That is all.

 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney who is appalled by women walking along the street in the tightest of tight trousers, although frequently they are not even trousers but leggings or jeggings. By the way, was there ever a word that felt like an icy hand around the heart more than “jeggings”? Ayesha’s point is that these garments are so tight that they leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, exposing the shape of arse-cheeks and vulvae. No! NO! says Ayesha. She does not wish to see it. And she is right.  WTF has long argued that leggings (and jeggings) are not trousers, and they are often worn by – ahem- larger people exposing much dimpled thigh. This is why the Good Lord invented long shirts and jackets. It’s Got to Go.

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your top suggestions for It’s Got to Go as well as your comments, which WTF much enjoys. Not just that, but she pines if she does not get them. Don’t make her pine! You can follow her on @wtffashionshark.bsky.social. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x