Hallo Readers,
We return to the matter of Nadine Dorries MP. Ten weeks after she resigned her seat ‘with immediate effect’, she remains the Dishonourable Member for Mid-Bedfordshire and raking in her salary of £86,584 plus the expenses of running her office (including the salary of one of her assistants, her own daughter) and tending to her constituents and first class travel. Except that as far as her constituents are concerned, she is not tending to them, not even at all. Indeed, she has not held a constituency surgery since March 2020, when we were all locked down because of Covid. Perhaps Dorries has not noticed that those restrictions have since ended. But anyone in Mid-Bedfordshire wanting to pop in of a Saturday morning to talk to her about their problems cannot pop in because (i) there is no building for them to pop into and (ii) even if there were, which there is not, she would not be inside it. Her constituents are now so fed up that they have been putting up missing persons posters and have taken to referring to Dorries as a ‘dosser’. Which is unfair to dossers because at least you can see a dosser, whereas sightings of Dorries are now as rare as rocking horse shit. Unless of course you watch Friday Night with Nadine on Talk TV, or read her ghastly column in the Daily Mail. And she has been writing a book called ‘The Plot: the Political Assassination of Boris Johnson’ which is coming out just before the Tory Conference on 1 October. It is apparently the story of ‘treachery and deceit at the heart of the Westminster machine’, for which Dorries pocketed £20,500 as an advance from HarperCollins. Frankly, she should be slung out of the Party so that she cannot hang around lobbies in the Conference centre in Manchester doing book signings. The only thing she should be signing is her application for the Chiltern Hundreds.
After ignoring the calls to resign with immediate effect, as per the advertised programme, and the torrent of criticism from constituents, local councillors, MPs various, including her Tory colleagues and even the Prime Minister, Dorries finally surfaced this week, sort of, by issuing a statement claiming that she was still ‘working daily as an MP’ and that ‘political opponents, such as Labour-run Flitwick town council are choosing the summer and news-hungry outlets in the summer recess to be noted’. WTF looks forward to any constituent helped by her and her team to make himself or herself available for interview with the media, but does not intend to hold her breath or she will go a funny colour and expire. She says she will not actually go until she receives an explanation for her failure to get the peerage for which Johnson nominated her in his Resignation Honours List, which failure she attributes to ‘sinister forces’. The fact is that this wretched, ignorant, Johnson-besotted idiot is taking the piss, and, more importantly, is putting her hand deep into the public purse without doing the work for which that money is usually paid. WTF suggests that if Dorries is concerned with deceit, as her book claims, she might look nearer to home, i.e. hers, because if drawing an MP’s salary while not acting as an MP does not constitute some sort of deceit, WTF does not know what does. Just go away.
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We start our review of the week’s woeful wear with actor and reality person Katie Maloney out and about in LA. Katie appears in some rubbish called The Vanderpump Rules.
If a trucker went to a fancy dress party as a pantomime boy, this is what he would look like.
Meet actor and singer Idina Menzel in New York to launch her new album wearing Ankvas.
That sweater is a very ridiculous garment. Either it was designed as a toddler’s Linus blanket or it has shrunk in the wash. Either way, it does not belong on the lovely Idina. Or, for that matter, on anyone.
Now we have TV personality Sharon Osbourne out and about wearing an unfortunate combination of her fifth (and, she says, final) facelift and a course of the weight-loss drug, Ozempic, which caused her to suffer a severe reaction and throw her guts up. WTF has the same urge but for different reasons.
No!!!! NO!!!!! NO!!!!! What the actual fuck is going on here???? Sharon, you are 70 years’ old. If you want to lose weight, eat less and exercise more. Leave Ozempic to the Type 2 diabetics for whom it was intended. And sue your plastic surgeon.
Still in LA, we encounter actor and singer Billy Porter at the Debbie Allen “Remember My Name” Ball, wearing something or other and hideous Rick Owens boots.
For reasons best known to himself, Billy looks like the lovechild of Jesus Christ and a flamenco dancer and the effect is not at all pleasing.
The saddest thing about this dress, apart from the £2,650 price tag, is that two Royal personages thought it was a good idea to wear it – not just Princess Beatrice but also Princess Aisha, the bridegroom’s aunt. Fortunately Princess A wore it at the religious ceremony in the afternoon, while Princess B wore it to the evening bash. WTF dislikes the dress not just because of the sickly colour, like a diseased calf, but because of the tit shopping bags.
Finally, they’re back again! WTF speaks of rapper and entrepreneur Kanye West and his sort-of-wife Bianca Censori, who are still out and about in Florence. Last week, we saw a fully clothed Kanye and a barely clothed, arse-baring Bianca out for gelato. Various Italian persons objected vociferously to Bianca’s near-nakedness, coram publico, but rather than cover up she is now attired, if that is the mot juste, which it obviously is not, in even less. WARNING!! THIS IS BAD.
And here is the front.
Kanye looks like he is about to rob a bank while his wife, or whatever her status may be, is showing us her all, and then some, and then a lot more than that, in what basically appears to be pair of pantyhose and then some more pantyhose worn as a top. Lady Godiva lives. Put it away love, for Gawd’s sake……
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who has brought these revolting door knockers to WTF’s attention. They are from Groupon and reduced from £49 99 to £9 99.
Why would you ask your guest to finger a pair of bollocks in order to gain admission to your house? Get a Ring doorbell. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
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