WTF Fiction Special

Hallo Readers,

In WTF’s favourite comedy, The Importance of Being Earnest, venerable governess Miss Prism, speaking of a novel she once wrote, says  ‘the good end happily and the bad unhappily – that is what fiction means’. WTF, ever the optimist, nevertheless dreams of the day when the Dumb and Dumber of world politics, Boris Johnson and Donald Trump, are finally humbled and leave the stage. Perhaps that time is edging just a little closer. On this side of the Atlantic, Johnson had to face seven of his colleagues on the Commons Select Committee on Standards, where he was put to the sword on the question of misleading Parliament about Partygate.  Johnson responded to the charges against him with a toxic melange of mendacity, arrogance, irritation, bloviation and indignation. Sitting behind him, his legal adviser, Lord Pannick KC, into whose lap the tax payer is raining gold (£5,000 an hour, plus VAT), squirmed like a schoolboy with worms down his trousers, and pulled a variety of pained expressions which indicated to the onlooker that things were not going according to plan. First rule at barrister school – keep your face still. Pannick didn’t do that. First rule at witness school – don’t piss off the people from whom you want a favourable verdict. Johnson didn’t do that. But then Johnson will be Johnson. He seemed particularly surprised that the panel felt that his statement to the House that he had been assured that no rules were broken, when that assurance came not from a lawyer or a civil servant or Professor Chris Whitty, but from some paid political lickspittle, was a touch inadequate, given that the place was like Southend on a Saturday night, every night. The real issue is not whether he will be found guilty – because he is – but whether the Tories in the Committee will agree to impose a 10 day ban, which would allow Johnson’s constituents in Uxbridge to call for a by-election.

On the other side of the Atlantic, district attorneys various are now lining up to charge Donald Trump with all manner of offences. This includes the one in New York who is pursuing him for paying hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels, disguising that payment as a legal expense; and the one in the state of Georgia who is pursuing him for interfering with the 2020 Presidential election by asking Georgian Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to “find” 11,700 votes to tip the election in his favour. Not to mention the US Attorney General Merrick Garland, who is taking a hell of a long time to charge Trump with incitement to riot and hoarding classified documents. Considering that it is now March 2023, you might think that these buggers would hurry up, but there you are. However, WTF’s dream of seeing Trump doing the perp walk of shame in handcuffs has been somewhat tarnished by the news that the man himself is looking forward to it as he thinks it will bolster his vote, not to mention be a nice little earner in terms of contributions from the gullible public. It is even reported that he would quite like to get shot, although not fatally, which would look good on TV.

 What these two shysters have in common, apart from a chronic inability to tell the truth and very silly hair, is that they inspire their supporters with a cult-like devotion that seems to withstand any misdemeanour or barefaced lie. Their supporters are quick to condemn any investigation into wrongdoing as a witch hunt. This week the idiot Jacob Rees-Mogg called the Standards Committee ‘a kangaroo court’ and while Johnson has yet to take to social media to urge his devotees to protest, as Trump did last week, it can only be a matter of time. In both cases the wheels of justice are grinding exceeding slow. But can it be Miss Prism will be proved wrong? And will WTF live long enough to see it? Let us hope that the answer is yes to both questions. 


We start our review of the week’s sartorial slop with singer Beyoncé wearing Dolce & Gabbana in an Instagram post on Oscars night.

Bey is drawn to trashy as a moth to a flame. She just can’t help herself, bless her; she makes JLo look classy. Here she is dressed as an actual Oscar complete with nipple pasties like the stuff chef Salt Bae wraps round his steaks at ££££ a time, a metal corset and an imminent Minge Moment. Bey’s hair is terrible and the glasses are worse. Next!

To the premiere of The Power, soon to be on Amazon Prime, where we find actor Toni Collette wearing Zimmerman.

Admittedly age is just a number, but Toni, who is 51, is dressed as one of the March sisters in Little Women with a side order of tits.

To the Malaga Film Festival and a newcomer to these pages, Spanish journalist Noemí Casquet wearing local Malagan designer Álvaro Calafat. Brace yourselves…. 

Noemí specialises in “sexual disclosure and ancestral sexual identity”, which qualifies her for a special place is Private Eye’s fabled Pseuds’ Corner. This dress is plain disturbing, as if Harvey Weinstein were standing behind her….. Why would you want to be groped by your own dress?

He’s back! WTF speaks of racing champ Lewis Hamilton, wearing Rick Owens.

 Lewis is the ultimate fashion victim for whom the dictum ‘more money than sense’ is made flesh. It therefore came as a surprise to WTF to learn that he actually employs a stylist!  A stylist!!  He should sue Eric McNeal, not pay him. We have previously seen Lewis in a Tommy Hilfiger kilt, to the great disapprobation of Scottish WTF aficionado Martyn of West London, and now he is dressed in a tabard and paying homage to Scottish king James 1. If this does not drive the Scots to independence, nothing will……

Next to the Fashion Trust Awards in LA and actor Tracee Ellis Ross wearing Erdem.

If a pair of washing gloves went to a fancy dress party as a rampant gorse bush, this is what it would look like….

Also there was singer Charlotte Lawrence wearing who knows what.

Miss Muffet wears a G String……

And here is a third horror from that same event, Cocaine Bear actor Aaron Holliday wearing something undone…..

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be, but if Aaron wants to go willy waggling, he should have the courage of his convictions and buy a flasher Mac.

And finally another appallingly-dressed Spaniard, actor Milena Smit wearing Cavalli at the Fotogramas De Plata Awards in Madrid.

If the Spaniards keep this up, WTF will start warming to the notion of Brexit. Quite apart from the fact that she looks as if she has been recently exhumed, and is covered in tattoos, the boots are excruciating, like giant barnacles growing on her legs, while the dress would look better on the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Paula Gilvarry in relation to last week’s Oscars Special. She writes “So many black bow ties at the Oscars.. All ready tied…abominations! “

She continues “If you wear a very expensive Designer tux, please, please, get a tie-your-own-bowtie and LEARN TO TIE IT”. She is right. It’s naff. And It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

This entry was posted in America, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Harvey Weinstein, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Partygate, Politics, Stormy Daniels, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to WTF Fiction Special

  1. Liz says:

    Toni Collette looks like she fell in the mud 😞

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