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Hallo Readers

Hallo Readers and Happy New Year,

In an environment where egregious falsehoods are peddled as part of the daily cut and thrust of political life, standards start to slip. But even by current political standards, or rather the lack of them, the story of Congressman-Elect George Santos is astonishing. Santos was elected for New York State’s 3^rd District in November last year. Openly gay (like his Democratic opponent) and a devotee of Donald Trump (unlike his Democratic opponent), he claimed to be a graduate of two distinguished colleges, a successful former banker who had worked for Goldman Sachs and Citibank. He claimed to have run an animal rescue charity. He claimed his Ukrainian Jewish grandparents had fled the Holocaust, taking shelter in Belgium before settling in Brazil where he was born, and although raised a Catholic, he regarded himself as a Jew. He claimed his mother had been a successful business woman who had died on 9/11. And he also claimed to earn a salary of $750,000 from his family foundation, which enabled him to loan his election campaign $700,000 (American election law is very strict on disclosing the source of your election funding). In fact, all of this turned out to be complete bollocks. Santos had no degree, not even of any kind. He had never worked for either Goldman Sachs or Citibank, as a banker or anything else. His animal charity was never registered. His grandparents did not flee the Holocaust and were born in Brazil, making him about as Jewish as a bacon sandwich. His mother was not a successful businesswoman but a cook and she did not die on 9/11 but in 2016. And the family foundation which paid him a vast salary is as real as rocking horse shit. More information emerges almost daily, including that he is wanted for theft of a chequebook in Brazil, that he owes money all over the place and that he once claimed to have a brain tumour from which he seems to have made a remarkable recovery.

Given the fact that, as Lady Bracknell remarked, he has been quite exploded, you would think that Santos would have slunk away into obscurity, waiving his right to be sworn in and foregoing the $174,000 salary that goes with the post. Wrong. He admitted that he had “embellished his resumé” but he is fully determined to serve those who had elected him, albeit that they thought they were electing someone else altogether. On his first day at work, Santos cut a lonely figure. Even his new Republican colleagues, the same ones who espouse the Big Lie that the 2020 election was stolen, and who lick Donald Trump’s instep, gave him  a wide berth. But, remarkably, there is no provision for Congress to refuse to seat him. The only constitutional requirements are that you have lived for seven years in the US, are over twenty-five and live in the district that elected you. As long as you can tick those boxes, you are free to legislate and to trouser the salary, that is unless you are banged up for election fraud following the intervention of district attorneys various. The weasel Kevin McCarthy, who at the time of writing has now failed on eleven attempts to become Speaker of the House, needs Santos’ vote and so has remained silent on his shortcomings. But Santos’ continued presence on Capitol Hill is the inevitable result of the culture of lies and contempt for the truth that permeates not just American but British politics. For shame.

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No celebs were out and about this week – they were either at home ill, or recuperating from being ill, or staying home to avoid being ill or they were just recuperating from Christmas and New Year. So, not being one to let down her loyal readers, with no fashion faux pas, WTF is bringing you another selection by theme, as she did during the pandemic, and today’s theme is politicians.  They not only are appalling – they look appalling. Have a receptacle handy. Seriously. Here we go…..

First off, here is David Cameron. Remember him? He’s the one who brought us Brexit, vowed to make it work and then instead scuttled away to a comfortable life of shameless lobbying and roaming the rubber chicken circuit at $100,000 a time.  This is him on holiday during his Premiership, wearing a very expensive pair of Vilebrequin swimming trunks, yours for only £230 a time.

Dear Lord! He looks like the lovechild of Fred Flintstone and a porpoise.

The next one is not strictly a politician but he might as well be, as the Junta running Thailand bangs up anyone who criticises him. And anyway, WTF is not passing this photo up and cannot understand how she missed it the first time. This is King Maha Vajiralongkorn, who acceded the Throne in 2016, getting off a plane in Munich. Ready? You won’t be….

The tattoos are fake but the rest of him is real. No one, royal or otherwise, should be walking around dressed as a Brazilian rent boy. His Majesty is giving us more bare torso than Britney Spears and is stuffed into low slung jeans which put onlookers in fear of imminent penis peek. From the rear, there is a hint of Bangkok butt crack. The lady is his wife and the poodle is called Fu Fu, who is better dressed than either of them. 

The King was so besotted with Fu Fu that he appointed it as a senior ranking official in Thailand’s Air Force and it was given a four-day state funeral when it went to the great kennel in the sky. Woof.

Next up is Cameron’s successor, Theresa Maybe, welcoming Donald Trump to Chequers in June 2019. And it was her fault he was here, because she was the one who invited him for a State Visit in the very first week of his Presidency. As Galatians 6:7 puts it, “for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap”. 

We will get to the Orange Oaf shortly. The question before us is WTF is Mrs Maybe wearing? Has she come straight from the school sack race? Only she seems to have trodden on it, whereupon it got ripped up the back, and far too near the Prime Ministerial buttocks for comfort.

Talking of Trump…. the day after Chequers, he and wife Melania were at Buckingham Palace as guests of the late Her Majesty the Queen. 

Trump, being a 300 lb slob, was unequal to the challenge of white tie, which requires the waistcoat to end at the waist in line with the tailcoat. Sadly, Trump does not have a waist and so avoided the humiliation of an avalanche of stomach rolling under the aforesaid waistcoat by lengthening the waistcoat over the aforesaid stomach, ending up looking like a cross between a penguin and a badly dressed butler.

After Mrs Maybe skipped off in 2019, we got Boris Johnson, a man who made an unmade bed look like King Charles. 

As if being British were not embarrassing enough, Johnson compounded his many faults by giving the impression that he had slept in the car before turning up to negotiate our rights away with EU leaders. Worzel Gummidge lives…..

After the Johnson debacle, we had an even bigger debacle. WTF refers to the 45-day wonder of wonders, Liz Truss.

As PM, Liz stuck to a dreadful selection of wash’n’wear dresses, and, owing to the death of HMQ, had to wear black for 10 of her 45 days in office. She was more adventurous as a Cabinet Minister, including this ensemble, worn in 2019 when she was Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Technically these are known as Paper Bag Trousers, presumably because you need a paper bag to throw up in when you see someone wearing them. Why would anyone want to look like a colourful garden gnome?

And finally, of course, we have to have Rishi Sunak, Truss’ successor.

His suits are made to order, so one can only presume that his trousers are that short because he likes them like that. As WTF speculated in November, because he is 5’7″, perhaps he thinks it makes him look taller, but he would look less ridiculous  wobbling around like stilts.

AND NOW…..

DRUMROLL…..

The winner of the WTF Christmas Turkey 2022 is…….

Erykah Badu, wearing Rick Owens. She was in the lead almost from the start fighting off a fierce challenge from Lizzo, whom she beat by 5 percentage points, and actor Julia Fox third. A most worthy winner.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, WTF from Islington, whose distress at Arsenal’s goalless draw against Newcastle on Monday was exacerbated by the sight of frightful bare-chested Toon fans flaunting themselves in the cold and rain.

 No. Just no. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x