Hallo Readers,

This Government keeps telling us that Britain is leading the world’s response to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. It is true.  Britain’s response to dealing with Ukrainian refugees is leading the world in its ineptness, insistence on red tape and mendacity. Refugees are made to jump through more hoops that Simone Biles. Bear in mind that these are people with little more than the clothes they stand up in, women and children and babies, bewildered, broken, homeless. But the Home Office system – until next Tuesday – thinks that it is completely reasonable to make them apply for visas by filling in a 15-page form online, uploading copies documents they probably do not even have, like ID cards and birth and wedding certificates, translating those documents from Ukrainian into English, and then schlepping to a Home Office outlet in Moldova, Poland, Belgium or France to have their biometric fingerprints taken. Once at the outlet, they then wait weeks for an appointment. These, by the way, are the people Patel and Johnson told us could come here because they already have family here. Except they can’t, because they need a visa, and to get a visa, you have to produce documents you may not have, using internet that may not be there, and then wait weeks in another country where you probably do not know anyone, have no money  and do not speak the language.  And so it is that we have to date granted about 1,000 visas while Ireland (population 5.5 million) has already admitted more than 2,500. 

The reason for this, apparently, is that these women and children and grandads (there are no men between 18 and 60 as they are not allowed to leave Ukraine) may be security risks’, coming here to spy on us and take out our citizens. Putin is so ruthless that he has trained up killer kiddies to undermine our democracy. So what if they are only 8 years old? I mean, you just cannot tell, can you? 

Priti Shocking started the week telling the House of Commons that Britain had  Home Office personnel in Calais. Except that er, we didn’t. She then announced that refugees would have to go to Paris or Brussels except that er, they can’t. Then some underling at the Home Office announced that they could take a free ride on the Eurostar to the new processing centre in Lille – except that er, the Eurostar does not run from Calais to Lille. No apologies. No explanations. No resignations. When the Prime Minister is a blatant liar, why would anyone in his Government feel it necessary to tell the truth? On Thursday, Shocking announced a new ‘streamlined system’ operative from Tuesday, which allows refugees with ID cards for passports to apply for visas online and give the biometrics when they get here. Which is fine as long as your house didn’t get bombed before you could get to the bureau to rescue your papers and grab your wallet…. Don’t it make you feel proud?

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We begin our review of the week’s clothing cockups with actor Kristin Scott Thomas wearing Valentino at Paris Fashion Week.

Kristin! Mais non, c’est déguelasse!!! Not only are you wearing puce, against which WTF is waging a campaign, and Chartreuse, which is unwearable by anyone, and your handbag is an offensive weapon, but you look like Gorgon Heap from The Muppets.

And here she is AGAIN, yes pointless but very, very, rich celebritee Kim Kardashian wearing Balenciaga.

WTF has questions. First, how you go to the loo in this thing? Or do you wear an incontinence pad underneath it, which might account for Kim’s unfeasibly enormous arse? Second, are the bootees part of the outfit? Third, how long does it take to get in on and does it come with its own dresser? But the main problem is that it is utterly ridiculous. As WTF aficionado Anna observed, Kim appears to be wrapped in the tape police erect at crime scenes. 

Say hallo again to singer Justin Bieber, also wearing Balenciaga.

Justin has long worn the crotch of his trousers much further away from the goolie area than any sane human being would countenance, but he has now upped the ante by inflating the trouser legs with helium. These track bottoms are £950 and the jacket £1,250, which is a hell of a lot of money to pay to look like a garden gnome.

To the Film Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica where we find newly ubiquitous actor Julia Fox wearing No Sesso.

This is more No Sense than No Sesso. Julia, who has now parted from egomaniac Kanye West after boosting her public profile about 1,000,000,000%, is incapable of leaving her bedroom without giving us sight of almost all of her. She appeared on the Blue Carpet in this ragged-arsed horror show resembling Tom after he has – yet again- come off worst with Jerry. Put it away love, for Gawd’s sake.

Also present was artist David Choe wearing who can say what?

His left foot is encased in something which is the lovechild of a shoe and a hoola hoop. How you walk in it, WTF cannot say, but it at least has the merit of originality and wit. The suit, however, is the pits and WTF does not like the way it emphasises his bits, like those prehistoric men with giant willies etched on Wiltshire hillsides.

Still in LA, here is Instagram celebritee Kara de Toro wearing not enough.

Seriously? This is just a tent with two-tone tits and an imminent Minge Moment.

Here is singer Dua Lipa wearing Area on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

The abs are admirable, but the skirt is simultaneously too short and has sprouted mould spores at the sides. As for the boots, they put WTF in mind of the movie Trading Places, where Clarence Beeks dresses up as a gorilla and gets more than he bargained for when he is put in a cage with a real one.

Finally, we are at the American Riviera Award in Santa Barbara, where we find actor Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel. Scroll down slowly.

It is not just the fact that Kristen is putting appalled onlookers in immediate fear of an imminent Minge Moment, although that is bad enough, Heaven knows. It is that those things around her minge remind WTF of Stormy Daniels’ description of Donald Trump’s yeti pubes, although in this case they have been gathered into yeti pube garlands……..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sara from Pembrokeshire who nominates  Evgeny Ledbedev, elevated to the House of Lords in 2020 for no apparent reason other being Boris Johnson’s pal and having oodles of roubles courtesy of his Russian oligarch dad. His formal title is “Baron Lebedev, of Hampton in the London Borough of Richmond upon Thames and of Siberia in the Russian Federation”.

Ledbedev owns various media outlets and is a well-known London society figure, hobnobbing with the likes of Elton John. This week, flustered Government Minister and oxymoron James Cleverly justified his peerage by explaining that he has never actually attended the Lords (presumably, he does not need the £300 daily sub) or voted on anything. In which case, why is he even there? And why did Johnson overrule the Security Services, which raised objections to the appointment? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday. Be good x