Yesterday, as four of Boris Johnson’s top advisers packed their bags and made for the exit, Radio 4’s Evan Davies inadvertently referred to Drowning St, for which he immediately apologised. But was he wrong? Policy Director Munira Mirza was the first one out of the door, swiftly followed by Director of Communications Jack Doyle. He, Chief of Staff Dan Rosenfeld and Principal Private Secretary Martin Reynolds, a civil servant, seem to have been pushed, because you need fall guys and those three would do as well as any. Or maybe they were exhausted after all that partying. Mirza had been at Boris Johnson’s side for 14 years. You could murder your granny and get out of prison in less time, but she stayed watching outrage after outrage and cockup after cockup, so presumably she must have approved of what he was doing. Doyle was a dud, given that the only message emerging from Drowning Street was that his boss was a buffoon. Rosenfeld was as much use as a chocolate teapot and Reynolds was the man who thought it was a good idea to invite 100 people for drinkies in the PM’s Garden on 20 May 2020 when everyone else was locked indoors while their relatives perished alone in hospitals and old age homes. To the surprise of absolutely no one, there are few takers to replace the Gang of Four for the reason best summed up by WTF’s late dad when he posed the question why would you voluntarily dip your head in a bucket of shit?
The apparent catalyst for Mirza’s departure was Johnson’s egregious lie in the Commons on Monday when answering questions about the long-awaited Sue Gray Report, all six pages of it (five others were either blank or introductory). The rozzers had finally decided that it was imperative to carry out an investigation into parties various at no 10 during lockdown, having previously declined to get involved until it was clear that Gray was going to point many fingers at many people attending many parties, Johnson and his wife included. Nevertheless, despite being ordered to leave out all the good bits under a non-existent legal principle not to prejudice the investigation they had previously felt unnecessary to undertake, Gray issued a summary report which made it clear that she had uncovered more parties than thrown by The Great Gatsby, a drinking culture and a failure of management. No less than twelve gatherings will now be investigated by the Met’s Inspector Clouseau including one in the PM’s own flat. Johnson was apologetic for the first 20 seconds and then reverted to political falsehoods, refusing to confirm his own whereabouts at the party in his flat, smirking and blaming everybody except himself. He then accused Keir Starmer of failing to prosecute Jimmy Savile when Starmer has been DPP. Rather than apologise, he doubled down on Wednesday before conceding on Thursday only that it had not been Starmer who had taken the decision and pretending that he had never suggested otherwise. At which point Mirza bolted for the door with her pencil case, laptop and bento box, pausing only to write Johnson a letter telling him he had ignored her and let himself down over the Savile Smear.
Of course, the usual suspects are rallying behind the PM, defending his lies. Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries was first off the blocks on Monday, seemingly pissed as a fart and swaying as if on the Titanic. Business Minister Paul Scully appeared on Newsnight only to be savaged for his limp excuse that Johnson “had nearly died” of Covid and somehow deserved a drink as a result. And on Thursday night, lickspittles various like dimmer-than-a-dead-lightbulb Joy Morrissey MP were busily tweeting their support for Johnson’s “clearout of the dead wood” at No 10. But the public are not buying it. The deadest timber is the Prime Minister and the sooner the tree surgeons get their chainsaws out the better.
Oh – in other news interest rates are up, utility bills are set to soar by 50% and some people will have to choose between heating and eating. Northern Ireland has no Government again because of rows about the border in the Irish Sea, the one Johnson told us we would not have, and the Rest of the World think we are a joke.
We start our review of the week’s sartorial time with celebritee Kourtney Kardashian strolling around Calabasas in California wearing a skeleton onesie from Amazon.
WTF has great sympathy with the man standing behind Kourtney. The poor chap probably thought he had a bad case of delirium tremens, and frankly, WTF had similar concerns. There may conceivably be a case for wearing this foul item on Halloween, about which the Americans make a very big deal, but not on any other day and definitely not in public. WTF was even more appalled to learn that Kourtney’s fiancé, Travis Barker, owns one of these items and they have been seen out together both wearing them. Who says romance is dead?
Next up, we have former model and TV presenter Heidi Klum wearing Moschino.
WTF featured this get up in November, as worn by Anitta with Moschino designer Jeremy Scott wearing a match matchy version. Anyone mad enough to want one of these can skip the Moschino price tag and buy a Beatrix Potter bedspread from Redbubble instead for £34 99.
Here is a WTF regular, musician Machine Gun Kelly at the premiere of Jackass Forever in LA wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
Machine Gun, or whatever his friends call him, is 6’4″ tall but has added additional height with a pair of platform hobnail boots worn with a sparkly medieval robe like something out of The Canterbury Tales.
Back in Blighty, we find actor Chelsee Healey out to dinner in Manchester wearing head to toe Jacquemus.
It is chilly outside, especially ‘oop North, but it is the rule in England that the further North you go, the colder it is gets and the less people wear, particularly in the freezing corner of the North East that is the Bigg Market in Newcastle where girls wear hardly anything at all. WTF notes that although Chelsee is sensibly wearing a coat and beret, she is also giving us buckets of décolletage, underboob and torso and basically resembles Thunderbirds’ Lady Penelope on the razz.
WTF now brings you some very unfortunate moments, beginning with actor and singer Jennifer Hudson performing in Orlando, Florida with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Jennifer is wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.
The whole thing looks cheap and flimsy; it is also very unflattering, to say the least. If Caspar the Friendly Ghost went to a Fancy Dress Party as Elvis Presley, this is what he would look like.
Jennifer is however demure in comparison to model Hailey Baldwin Bieber appearing on the cover of the Wall Street journal magazine wearing Yves St Laurent by Antony Vaccarello.
There is more camel toe on show than the Camel House at London Zoo. Hailey is married to Justin Bieber, whose wears the crotch in his trewsies at a minimum of knee level, yet here she is showing us every bit. Put it away poppet. Borrow a pair of hubby’s jeans and give us all a break.
And finally we have You Tuber Nikita Dragun wearing not nearly enough.
And before you ask, this is not a trans thing. This is a Minge and Excess Tit thing. This is a lack of taste thing. A sequinned cobweb is not an outfit. Just. Go. Away.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Goody Bishop who is rightly horrified by the Chanel show at Paris Fashion Week. And here’s why…..
Yes, it’s domestic violence chic! Spend a gazillion on a Chanel creation and get the shit knocked out of you. What nonsense is this? Outrageous. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments to stop WTF fretting. And don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x
Spot on with the comments in the IGTG section this week! ‘Scraping the bottom of the barrel’ springs to mind – and so does f******* tasteless.
Keep up the good work.