WTF Mings Special


Hall0 Readers,

Sometimes a moment is so perfect that all you can do is lie back and gurgle with pleasure like a new born baby with a freshly changed nappy. Sadly this is not the moment when Harry Kane scored the winner against Italy for England in the Final of the Euros, because that didn’t happen.  Instead, it was the moment when Tyrone Mings, the black Aston Villa and England defender, shot back a tweet to Priti Patel after she had purported to express her outrage at the racist abuse showered over the three black English players who had failed to score in the dreaded penalty shoot out. He said “You don’t get to stoke the fire at the beginning of the tournament by labelling our anti-racism message as ‘Gesture Politics’ & then pretend to be disgusted when the very thing we’re campaigning against, happens.” It was as perfectly phrased and mellifluous as a Shakespearian sonnet and it put the ghastly Patel firmly in her place.

You did not have to be a soothsayer to see what would happen the moment the three young men missed their penalties. And indeed seconds after they had, the abuse began on social media. Monkey emojis. Questions why these ‘migrants’ were playing for England. Tweets complaining that “Ni**ers have cost us the Euros”. And yet those who rushed to condemn this foul conduct completely failed to make the association between it and their disdain for taking the knee, an act that had been booed by many supporters  during the early stages of the campaign. It was Patel, the Home Secretary for Heaven’s sake, who described taking the knee as ‘gesture politics’ and refused to condemn the booing.  And it was Johnson who refused to condemn Patel. The ‘gesture’  was to make the point that black lives matter, but to Patel and Johnson and the knuckle heads who respond inanely ‘well, white lives matter too’, taking the knee is not about black lives mattering but about being woke and uppity. One fool,  Tory MP Lee Anderson, went as far as announcing that he would not watch the team play until they abandoned taking the knee. After the game, a number of Tory MPs loftily instructed Mings and Rashford and others to stick to football and practice their spot kicks. Because it appears that if you’re black, you have no right to express your opinion about anything, not even if it relates directly to the treatment aimed at you and your black team-mates.

So, for the umpteenth time, here’s the thing.  All lives matter but for many, white lives seem to matter more and black lives seem to matter less. Not just in terms of living or dying, but in the treatment you get because of the colour of your skin. When you have a cracking game for England, you’re English.  When you have a crappy game for England, you’re black and a migrant (even when you are born here).  It is about equal respect for everyone, all the time. Taking the knee is making that point, and if you boo it, you are condoning the very thing it is protesting against. 

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We start our review of the recent sartorial shockers with actor Jordan Alexander at the launch of the new series of Gossip Girl wearing Wiederhoeft.

\This is part of a bridal collection. Just imagine your groom’s face when you float down the aisle looking a cheap Madonna tribute act…….

Next up, we have rapper ASAP Rocky, the new beau of the lovely Rihanna, wandering around Brooklyn looking like a tool.


What are those trousers? Is he smuggling Rihanna into the hotel in one leg? The bows makes him look like a maypole. He needs to be careful or people will start dancing round him.

 We go to the Cannes Film Festival where we encounter delectable French actor Marion Cotillard wearing Chanel.

There are many times when Chanel seems to be taking the piss, and this is one of them. Either that or Marion is auditioning for the role of a transitioning Lance Armstrong.

Next up we have Bulgarian actor Maria Bakalova (of Borat Subsequent Moviefilm fame), wearing Louis Vuitton.

The dress is very unflattering and there is a good deal of squashed boobage, but WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the the utterly ridiculous boots, like Christopher Robin’s acid-trip wellies.

Now we have actor Josh O’Connor, wearing Loewe.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This is a shirt with a built in tank top, a look last seem on the late lamented Diana Spencer in 1980. And the trousers have shrunk in the wash.

This is French actor Deborah Lukumuena, wearing Lanvin.

Er…. there is simultaneously too much fabric and too little, a weird combination of a frilly four-poster bed and a Minge Mullet.

She’s back! Posh pointless person Lady Victoria Hervey wearing something foul. 

Many years ago, toymakers Mattel issued a Grecian Barbie, only that one was covered up,  was not flashing her panties and was not wearing those deeply weird chiffon trewsies that make her look like someone with particularly nasty psoriasis.

We continue with actor Jodie Turner-Smith, wearing Gucci. 

If a fluffy bird went to a fancy dress party in a bustier, this is what it would look like……

We continue with model Bella Hadid, wearing Schiaparelli.

We are of course used to tit windows. But we are not used to tit windows with tit ticklers. And frankly, we should not have to get used to tit ticklers because tit ticklers are just plain silly. Schiaparelli seems to have been inspired by Nude Gardening Week……


We leave Cannes to go to Las Vegas where we find Oscar-nominated actor Andra Day wearing God Save Queens (!). Careful now…..

If this is not a Zebra Minge Moment, WTF does not know what is. Enlarge your screen if you can bear it and try and work out what is nestling beneath the penultimate stripe. And then bury your head in your hands and ask yourself what happened to dignity.

 

AND NOW….THE WINNER OF THE WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2021. IT IS

 

DRUMROLL…….

 

Kim Kardashian!!!! She bolted out of nowhere, the lead having been occupied variously by MNEK, Gareth Southgate (!) and Kim’s sister’s best friend Sassie A flashing her arse cheeks. But in the end, Kim’s horrible pea green trouser suit with built-in fanny-fondler won the day. Yikes. Stassie A was second and MNEK third.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who has sent in quite the most revolting thing WTF has ever seen. Meet the Redbridge Rainbow Monkey. Careful now…..

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey was commissioned by the London Borough of Redbridge as part of National Reading Week. What book was Monkey promoting? The Kama Sutra?  Fifty Shades of Filth? Why did it need a ten inch dick? What the actual fuck? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  It is nice to be back. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

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3 Responses to WTF Mings Special

  1. Lottie says:

    It’s lovely to have you back but there is so much ……. stuff….. this week, it’s a bit overwhelming. But in a good way.

    ASAP Rocky looks like he’s wearing a pair of Billy Connolly’s incontinence trousers. Just don’t let him untie those ribbons!

    At least Diana actually wore her tank top, unlike Josh O’Connor who looks as though he laid one one out on top of his shirt, to see how it would look but it clung there by static and he forgot about it.

    As for that monkey …. there’s actually a person in that suit, you don’t think something fell out by accident?

  2. Romi Bryden says:

    The Redbridge Monkey and the Posh Pointless Person helped Dignity to Take a Deep Dive

  3. Pink Ross says:

    Dear WTF

    Your editorial is my favourite reading of the week.

    Thank you.

    Pink

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