wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

WTF is bringing out the blog for as long as there is something to write about, even though the fashion part might get a bit scarce, given that everyone is locked down. But while we can still manage a smile, let us try and prompt one. Here is WTF’s selection of the week’s Corona Clowns.

• Boris Johnson – Cometh the hour, cometh the hopeless. If you want a brazen, floppy-haired liar to crack a few jokes and repeat ‘Let’s Get Brexit Done’ ad nauseam, Boris is your man. When it comes to dealing with a pandemic, you would be better off with Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) or Boris Becker or a wobbly banana blancmange. When questioned by journalists at the daily press conferences, Johnson B looks like a guilty toddler who has done a whoopsie in his pants but does not want to admit it as he might not get any sweeties after tea. Last week, he was all for sacrificing 250,000 citizens to save the NHS the bother of looking after us, given that ten years of Tory Government has run it into the ground and it clearly cannot cope. This week, he is telling everyone to stay indoors for the foreseeable future, although he will not make it mandatory, thus allowing another week of people going out and about and infecting each other. But then, this was the man who proudly boasted only a few weeks ago that he would happily shake everyone’s hand, even in hospitals.
• Donald Trump – See Boris Johnson.  With knobs on, as the US has five times the population of the UK. Just shut up and leave the talking to the experts. 
• Mike Pence – If Pence ever needs a new career (and please God, may that be in January 2021), he could go into gay porn, because he clearly has no problems giving blowjobs in public. His verbal fellatio of the President is unquestionably the most nauseating sight and sound in modern life. At a press conference the other day, as he praised the Orange Moron to the skies, a wit tweeted ‘someone grab Pence’s legs quick before he completely disappears up Trump’s ass’. Quite. Although he seems to like it up there, so he may not want to be rescued.
• Fat British yobs various in Benidorm – Determined to show Europe what it will be missing, a bunch of ghastly, sun-burnt, shaven-headed, fat-stomached,  tattooed plankton on their holidays gathered in the streets of Benidorm to get pissed and ‘sing’ football songs, despite the Spanish Government having put the whole country into quarantine. One portly moron informed an appalled TV interviewer – ‘it’s just the ‘flu innit?’ Er no, fatso, it isn’t. They were lucky that the Spanish Police did not get lively with their batons, as they are wont to do. And to be frank, many of us would have enjoyed watching.
• Brainless young people out and about in crowded bars, pubs and beaches – See above. Buoyed by the belief that they are not going to get ill from the virus, they are partying like it’s 1999. Sadly, new evidence shows that being young may not be the shield they thought it to be. But in any event, they could still be carriers and might end up killing their grannies. Not that they would probably care.
• Bog-roll hoarders – Yes, they are still at it, emptying the shelves like a plague of locust attacking Africa. No person is too elderly not to be shoved aside whilst grabbing the last roll of Andrex with extra Aloe Vera. No kiddie is too small not to be manhandled if he or she is standing between the shopper and a packet of penne pasta. Meanwhile, they are stockpiling cigarettes on the basis that while keeping safe from coronavirus, they might as well die from lung cancer instead. 

Stay safe, guys……

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Look, WTF won’t lie. When no one goes out, this blog is tough to produce. She has done her best. Who knows what on earth will be on show next week. If anything at all. Direct your complaints to Mr B Johnson, Mr D Trump and President bloody Xi. Anyway here we go….

Let us kick off this survey of the week’s fashion faux pas with double Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank, wearing Elie Saab.

At forty-six, Hilary is about thirty-five years too old for this frilly ensemble, which was last seen on 1930s child star Shirley Temple.

This is actor Matthew Morrison looking very silly.

These are four bad pieces of clothing, made all the worse by their being worn together. The trewsies appear to have shrunk in the wash but most offensive is the Italian priest’s hat. Just very bad.

Here we are in London where we find radio presenter Kelly Brook wearing Hush.

Dearie me, this is unflattering. If a cartoon leopard went to a fancy dress party as Kelly Brook, this is what it would look like.

Meet actress and film writer Hannah Marks wearing Elkin.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Not so much a case of checks and balances as Laura Ashley (RIP) and tartan imbalances. And the bag is absurd. Bonkers.

Back in London we have singer Rita Ora out and about, wearing Courrèges. 

Wozzis?  Peekaboo leggings over a caffe latte undergarment. It is fouler than a foul, foul thing lurking at the bottom of a swamp. And the rear view is worse. 

She has Paris written on her bum. Why would you have Paris written on your bum? #baffled

Finally, say hallo to Little Women‘s director Greta Gerwig in New York at the premiere of the movie  ‘Never Rarely Sometimes Always’, wearing Farm Rio.

This should never be worn. Ever. It looks like a kaleidoscope has thrown up all over her.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado Amski, who is unimpressed with the new Saint Laurent ad for the women’s fashion range.

What on earth is occurring? It is only about ten days since International Women’s Day and here is St Laurent playing titterama with a giant mushroom bodice. Amski is right. It’s Got To Go. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden WTF’s heart, and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and wash your hands. x