This is the last rant of the year, because next week, post-Christmas, we shall be enjoying the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2019, with some truly terrible fashion fiascos for your delectation and selection. And this rant finds WTF feeling truly miserable. Why? Read on. But have the Samaritans on speed dial. She does.
- WTF is a fully paid up member of the sneering Metropolitan elite. She lives in Islington. She is a professional person. She has a decent income. She is a Remainer. She thought (and hell, let’s be honest, she still does) that Brexiteers were conned, lied to, and misled. But it turns out that people who voted Brexit do not want to be told that they are thick. They do not want to be told they were conned. They were told they would get Brexit if they voted for it. They voted for it. And they did not get it. They did not want to see politicians boxing clever. They did not want to see another hung Parliament. And so they raised two fingers up to the sneering Metropolitan elite, albeit at the invitation of the Old Etonians. They then inserted those two fingers into our collective nostrils and twisted them. We lost. There is nothing we can do. We are routed. And we can only watch them deal with the consequences of their misplaced faith that the same party that has been in power for a decade will suddenly make it all better. This is the new normal.
- Our Prime Minister is a liar. Everyone knows he is a liar. It does not make any difference. So what? It upsets the sneering Metropolitan elite. He is (apparently) a laugh. He wants to get Brexit done. And now he has five years to do whatever he wants. To assault our human rights. To dismantle our employment laws. To attack the NHS. Carry On Lying. This is the new normal.
- Trump got impeached this week, and it will not make any difference. It does not matter what he did. It does not matter what he said. He can be as unpleasant and venal and vile as he can be, and his fans will lap it up. And so it is OK for him to lie through his teeth. And so it is OK for him to attack a sixteen year old girl with Asperger’s. And so it is OK to suggest (falsely) that an FBI operative (Lisa Page) who was investigating his possible links with the Russians, was the subject of a restraining order from her lover. And so it is OK for him to lash out at the grieving widow of a war hero and long-serving Congressman, and to suggest that her husband is in hell – all because she voted for his impeachment. And his loyal supporters excuse it. Hate is fine. Denigration is fine. This is the new normal.
- But be of good cheer, Readers. Corbyn won the argument. He lost sixty seats. But he won the argument. And there are people who think Labour should replace him with someone who thinks exactly the same as he does. But who is female. And they actually believe it. This is the new normal.
Happy Christmas, everyone.
We start our survey of the final week of the year’s fashion flotsam with our own, our very own, #NepotismBarbie Ivanka Trump wearing a navy blue cape by Moroccan designer Sanaa El Haddad, and a blue jumpsuit with a pussycat bow.
The cape is pretty, but the whole thing is very Princess Leia meets Lily Tomlin in Nine to Five. Who wears an embroidered floor length cape with a horrible and ill-fitting pussycat bow jumpsuit? Unless that person thinks she is a princess? Which of course she does. Newsflash. She isn’t.
Singer Billie Eilish, wearing who can even say what?
Objectively, this cannot be described as flattering. It makes Billie look like one of the Seven Dwarves, togged out in Grandma’s 1970’s sofa fabric.
Actress Keri Russell at the premiere of the umpteenth Star Wars movie, wearing Celine.
Keri looks like the Michelin Man with vitiligo.
Model, actress and LGBT activist Hunter Schafer wearing Burberry at the Billboard Women in Music event.
So here we have a gingham picnic cloth with shirt-tails like a minge gateway, and a frockcoat, and a mini skirt. Plus her shoes resemble the foot binding that used to be the fate of Chinese women until Chairman Mao outlawed it. Just terribly, terribly, terrible.
Another guest, singer Rosalia wearing Antonio Grimaldi.
That cape looks like the escape slide on an aeroplane. The hair and nails are to be deplored and there is also underboob, which WTF hates almost above all things.
Actor Timothée Chalamet at the London photocall for Little Women, wearing Thom Browne.
This suit is the love child of the Sugar Plum Fairy and Charlie Chaplin. As usual with Thom Browne, the jacket is designed for an eleven year old boy, and there are serious issues with the trousers, simultaneously too short and too baggy.
It is the season to be Ktuja & Meri, but if Edward Scissorhands went to a fancy dress party as Beyoncé giving us an imminent Minge Moment, this is what he would look like. Who needs bodyguards when you are projecting spikes from your person?
WTF is also compelled to notice that there is imminent nipple spilth. Sadly, it must be observed that Beyoncé manages to look almost any dress look trashy. That slit is either too high because she likes it that way or because she needs to take two sizes up.
As for Khloe, she appears to be wearing something to avoid VPL Instead, she now has VCC – visible crotch cup. And in her case, her cup runneth over.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, or, in this case, afishionado, Jonathan of St Pancras, who was freaked out, and then freaked out some more, by pictures of thousands of penis fish washed up on Drake’s Beach in California. Careful now.
WARNING – THIS IS A SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM!!!
AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING!!!
YURGLE!!!! This thing is ten inches long and is known, for obvious reasons, as a penis fish, but the official name is Urechis Caupo. In fact, it is not actually a fish but a giant type of worm. A discombobulated Jonathan notes that that a thing that looks like a thing, but is unattached to anything, is far too Lorena Bobbitt for comfort. It gives him the willies and It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Put a smile on WTF’s face by sending in your comments as her Christmas present. And don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2019. Have a very happy Christmas and be good. x