WTF Dumb and Dumber Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF has not commented much on Brexit recently, partly because she has been consumed more than ever with events across the Atlantic but also because it is such a car crash. But we are obviously going to do it because we said that we would do it, even though when we said we would do it, well 52% of those who voted yes, we did not know what it meant, where we were headed and we were frankly lied to by all and sundry. Boris promised money for the NHS if we left, Cameron told us we would be at war unless we stayed, politicians various promised us a land of milk and honey with foreigners falling over themselves to snap us deals with us. No one (this side of the Irish Sea) said anything about the inconvenient matter of the Irish border. But hey! We’ve got our country back and a lovely dark blue passport and a crappy new 50 pence coin designed on a free Adobe programme by school kids vying for the chance to go on Breakfast TV and meet Piers Morgan and Susannah whatshername. It is like someone grimly pressing ahead with the wedding, even after realising that her fiancée is a dud, because she cannot face the embarrassment of returning the marble cheese-plate to Auntie Vera.

Meanwhile, it appears that Arron Banks, the country’s most disgusting man, former UKIP piggybank, with the emphasis on pig, is in trouble for alleged financial dodginess in the funding of Leave EU, the organisation at the forefront of the Vote No campaign. By law, no foreign donors could contribute to either side, but a company in the Isle of Man, Rock Holdings Ltd, linked to Banks and his associate Liz Bilney,  seems to have coughed up £8m. At least that is what it seems to say in the company accounts, although the money was supposed to come from Banks personally. The Electoral Commission has concluded that were reasonable grounds to suspect Banks was “not the true source” of the funding to the Leave.EU campaign and has passed the matter to the National Crime Agency. Banks handled the matter with his customary grace, tweeting that ‘the swamp in Westminster really is as bad as Washington’ (Arron is unsurprisingly a huge fan of Donald Trump) and that members of the Commission are all Remainers who are using sleight of hand to get a Second Referendum. His supporters are busily playing the whataboutism game and demanding that similar steps are taken against George Soros, even though he has not broken any law in donating, post 2016, to an organisation seeking another vote. Because of course anything bad in the world, whether it is illegal immigration in the US or financial hardships anywhere must be down to Soros on the grounds that he is (a) foreign (b) rich and (c) Jewish. It is a good job these people do not believe in climate change or he would be blamed for that as well.

The fact that there are reasonable grounds to suspect dodginess in the conduct of the Vote Leave  campaign will presumably have as much effect as the fact that most of the facts fed to the public were either lies or just plain wrong. We may have fucked up but we will go down fighting. That is the British Way. If we were wrong, then let us be gloriously wrong. Auntie Vera is not getting her cheese-plate back. It is the Somme all over again, only with worse planning…..


We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry with actress Tilda Swinton wearing Schiaparelli. 

Who knew that the lovely Tilda was playing Aladdin? Those trousers are big enough for the whole cast and will still leave space for the orchestra…

Here is celebritee son, Jaden Smith, wearing his own design, Forces of Nature.

There is a new movie out, First Man, about Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the Moon. Who knew Jaden was also in it?

Now we have actress Michelle Rodriguez at the premiere of London Fields in LA, wearing patterned pantyhose.

These are not clothes. Not even at all. These are patterned pantyhose with a jacket and the grey woollen socks worn by pensioners to keep out the cold, and gold pixie boots like Tinkerbell going clubbing. Dismal.

And talking of dismal, here is aristocrat Lady Victoria Hervey.  Why she was at the premiere, WTF cannot say.

Once again, this is not clothes. Not even close. Lady V, the best justification for social upheaval since a pissed-off Karl Marx picked up his pen, is wearing a deconstructed waste paper bin.

To the Latin American Music Awards in Hollywood where we find a couple of men looking perfectly preposterous. Here is singer Billy Crespo, wearing something quite remarkable.

Billy’s tailor chopped up a kimono and made it into a suit, Maria’s curtains in The Sound of Music now set in Kyoto. And the shoes are very remarkable, like bricks with heels.

And here is singer Yashua at the same event, wearing Stello.

Er…OK. He is en route to commit a bank robbery in a nuclear bunker and has had to protect himself. Or maybe he is just a pillock. WTF is voting for option 2, as would all right-thinking people.

To a bash for BadAss women, where we find actress Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Marc Jacobs.

Isn’t it a little early for Christmas? We have only just got past Halloween and still have Thanksgiving and Chanukah ahead. And yet here is Tracee looking a little bit like a floral Madonna with the infant Jesus in swaddling clothes…

Here is rapper Cardi B, wearing Heaven knows what .

Cardi is dressed as a straw beach umbrella with tits. Who knows why?

Finally, we have splendid actress Sigourney Weaver at the Rome Film Festival, wearing Off-White.

Sigourney is wearing an Aubusson tapestry, a white shirt and a pair of shoes last seen on George Warleggan in Poldark.

It pains WTF to speak frankly, criticism being alien to her nature, but John Hurt, who co-starred with Sigourney in Alien, looked better when that thing came out of his stomach.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who reeled at the sight of these absolutely revolting “skin boots”, manufactured (aptly) by Canadian company Matières Fecales, translated as fecal matter. That is being kind. If you want to blow your savings before checking into a mental health facility, these can be yours for only £5,000.


They look like human skin, but thankfully they are not. They are utterly unspeakable and  without any question whatsoever, They’ve Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. WTF enjoyed receiving comments again after last week’s debacle, when WordPress failed to allow any, so keep them coming and please don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.








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5 Responses to WTF Dumb and Dumber Special

  1. I must say that with each serve of WTF I take great comfort from the fact that WTF’s very wonderful old Dr Dad did not live to see what has happened to the formerly Great Britain. What would the wise of that generation make of the What a Fucking Mess has been made of everything they held so dear? Seriously, I suspect they’d be glad to be on the other side.

  2. Lord Dodo
    Rebecca Jay says:

    The skin boots are, without a shadow of a doubt, the absolute samsara of your blog EVER. They top it all, IN SPADES! But perhaps she was dressed up for Halloween? Methinks not. Yuck yuck yuck.

  3. *I don’t claim to have much more than a basic understanding of how the political system on your side of the ocean works, but it seems to me that after the non-binding Brexit vote Mr. Cameron missed his Churchillian moment (or at least as close to one as he was likely to get). After the votes were counted he could have called a general election and made Brexit the central campaign issue; either elect a Parliament that supports remaining or a Parliament that favors leaving. That should have reduced a lot of the confusion and almost certainly would have eliminated the need to purchase the troglodytes of Northern Ireland so a government could be formed.
    Oh well. Mr. Cameron never struck me as having the steel to do a very good Churchill imitation.
    *Tilda Swinton, Jaden Smith, Yashua, and the girl from this week’s It’s Got To Go all seem to be wearing old David Bowie costumes from the early 1970s. Was there an estate sale I didn’t hear about?
    *Billy Crespo looks as if he’s ready to sell used cars that may not move without a push.
    *Lady Victoria Hervey is wearing one of the outfits that Frank Frazetta used to dress his models in when he was painting the covers of the Conan novels republished during the 1970s. Of course Mr. Frazetta often enhanced the feminine attributes of those models to the point where they couldn’t possibly exist in real life, although the teenaged boys who read them weren’t that concerned…
    *There should be no reason to worry about delicate sensibilities. The appropriate translation of Matières Fecales is “shit”. When you are served this substance on a platter and they have the nerve to spell it out, you need to call it what it is.

  4. fashionshark
    fashionshark says:

    Good to have you home Andrew!!!

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