WTF Parade Special

Hallo Readers,

Think about a military parade. Think Kim Jong Un, fatly presiding over endless rows of anti-aircraft guns and goose-stepping soldiers, their kicks higher than the chorus line of the Folies Bergère. Think Mussolini and Hitler, shouting their heads off in front of ugly buildings to a roaring crowd. Think May Day with tanks rolling through Red Square past the iron-faced coterie surrounding Vladmir Putin. Think, rather more agreeably, Bastille Day in Paris with President and Mme. Macron waving up a storm. We Brits do not really go in for that sort of thing. We do not flaunt our missiles, not that we have many, or drive our tanks along the Mall. The best we can do is the Edinburgh Tattoo, or bringing out the Red Arrows on a Royal occasion, or mustering a battalion in Whitehall for the annual Trooping the Colour. Or the odd marching band at the Wembley Stadium before the Cup Final.

Now think Washington D.C. on a summer’s day. Picture it. There will of course be the largest crowd ever assembled. Period. Every sort of military vehicle, from scooters to Sherman tanks, will rumble along Pennsylvania Avenue, causing irreparable damage to the infrastructure. Aircraft carriers will block the Potomac, poisoning the fish. The air will be thick with the roar of fighter planes ruining the air quality, But that is alright because the Head of the EPA, Scott Pruitt, has said that global warming could be good for the environment. I mean, no one wants cold tootsies, do they? And there, reviewing this magnificence, is Donald Trump, his hair blowing in the wind and forming a perfect golden circle around his bald pate, like the rays of the setting sun. At his side is his wife Melania, her face an expressionless mask, whether through Botox or hatred of her husband, WTF cannot say. The bands will play a stirring selection of Dolly Parton classics. As the Donald would say, Wow!

So what is the purpose of this jamboree? Is to celebrate American Independence from the beastly Brits? No. It is simply because Trump wants it. Le Roi le Veult. He went to France for their July 14 celebration last year and was enchanted by the pomp and circumstance. He was probably wholly unaware of its historical significance but it would not matter in any event because with Trump, it is all about him. He wants to be celebrated. He wants to be idolised. Hell, he wants to be deified. He has already indicated that anyone who did not applaud his rambling State of the Union speech was un-American and “treasonous”. He has already described the media who criticise him as “Fake News” and “enemies of the people”. It is but a hop, a skip and a jump to the next stage of El Presidente Trumpetto and the Biggest Parade Ever.

Meanwhile, there are people who want to piss on his Parade. The Pentagon thinks it is a waste of money which could be better used to support veterans and buy equipment. The City of Washington DC is worried about the cracked roads. Everyone else is worried about the cracked President, and bemused that a five-times draft dodger with supposed bone spurs, a man who never served, whose sons never served, has such an affinity for all things military. And of course for him the best thing is that, like everything else he does, it is all at someone else’s expense.  To the protesters that will inevitably gather at this event, here is some advice – bring a giant wind machine. And to El Presidente -wear a hat.

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Both readers of this blog and followers of @WTF_EEK, some of whom are the same people, rose up last week on seeing Her Holiness the Duchess of Cambridge wearing two scandalously horrible dresses by Erdem during her recent visit to Sweden. There was however division as to which was the more horrible, so WTF has featured them both. We start with the horrible blue one, and also stop to sneer at Crown Princess Victoria, wearing Instyle.

Yes, Kate is pregnant but that is no excuse for going around wearing a designer bedspread. As for Crown Princess Victoria, she should pursue Instyle for gross misrepresentation because there is nothing remotely stylish about this rave from the 70s grave. As WTF aficionado Bespoke Finishes remarked, “Holy hell, the blue dress is horrible and the other outfit looks like it comes from Primark”.

And here is HRH in the horrible yellowy one. The gentleman accompanying her is the British Ambassador.

Apart from the fact that this is the colour of the urine from a diseased bladder, your late granny had that pattern on her spare bedroom curtains and it is also very frilly and flouncy. As WTF aficionado Jo Franks remarked, “I wouldn’t wrap a dead cat in that…”. Indeed, the RSPCA would be highly displeased were she to do so. As would the cat.

To the NFL Honors Gala in Minneapolis and football star Von Miller.

WTF is all for originality, but there is originality and there looking like a prat. Wearing a multi-strand necklace over a three piece suit and a polo neck sweater falls into the second category. Meanwhile, this is another sad example of men in trousers with an elephant-vagina crotch. Why? WHY? WHY???

Meet fashionista and TV personality EJ Johnson at the Tom Ford menswear launch in New York.

EJ is the son of Magic Johnson but no magician could conjure this outfit into anything palatable. By the way, EJ – Cruella de Vil called.  She wants her coat back…

More evidence that Tom Ford has gone down the pan as seen on singer Halsey.

The stupid, thrush-inducing bodysuits of the 90’s are back with us and this one is going to cause several trips to the drugstore for large tubes of Canesten. It makes you feel sore just looking at her. Tits, hips, a low-slung crotch and follow-me-home-and-fuck-me shoes. Classy.

Here is actress and singer Jennifer Lopez, wearing Ester Abner.

JLo is stunning but she is 48, not 18, and even an 18-year-old would struggle to look good with breasts and limbs spilling forth from coffee filter papers. 

As for the hair, many ponies are shivering in the cold weather, their arses suddenly exposed to the elements through the loss of their tails. 

To the amFAR Gala in New York to make the start of NYFW where a number of people looked utterly ridiculous, including model Anwar Hadid (brother of Gigi and Bella), seen here with actress Nicola Peltz. She looks fine. He does not.

What are those trousers? They are not so much cropped as truncated, someone has taken the garden shears to his jeans jacket and who wears a bloody tie with a jeans jacket anyway? 

And this is preposterous Chilean pseud di Mondo looking like an absolute tosser.

Di Mondo turned up in this blog in 2014 wearing a jewelled face mask. Now he is back dressed as a bullfighter with split palazzo pants and doing an Angelina Jolie pose.  Tosser.

Finally, TV nutritionist, Gillian McKeith wearing WTF does not even know what.

Gillian, who appears to have sprained both her arms, was cruelly pipped to the post for the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey 2017 by Missoni-clad Lewis Hamilton who bolted out of nowhere to secure top spot. Now she is making an early bid for the WTF Summer Stinker 2018. On this evidence, she is looking good for a podium position at the very least, because this is equally as foul, like something left mouldering in the cupboard and found years later covered in dusty cobwebs.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Rachel from London, who is appalled by the new excesses in denim nonsense. Well, WTF says excesses but actually it is the absence of actual fabric that is Rachel finds appalling. Say hello to the denim bustier or “justier”.

justier

This tat costs £35. But even worse is this “belt” flogged by Net-A-Porter for a staggering $405.

denim belt

This is just taking the piss. There are about 6 inches of old jeans here sold at a zillion per cent mark up. If you are intent upon looking ridiculous, then cut up a pair of old jeans and make these “garments” yourself. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. WTF enjoyed your comments last week and hopes for more, plus there were more top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This entry was posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, New York Fashion Week, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to WTF Parade Special

  1. Petra Fried says:

    Everything about this is wonderful and hilarious and nauseating in equal measure. You’re on good form WTF.

  2. Peter from Melbourne says:

    Ol’ Slipper Tits (hat tip to the WTF aficionado, Gerry, who introduced me to this wonderful publication) is at it again. Who TF advises her? Her 91 grandmother-in-law steps out looking flawless every time. Yet HRH the Duchess of Cambridge goes from horror to horror.

  3. Andrew Purcell says:

    When I was much younger I used to see many parades. I even marched in a few. Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day, were the big summertime parades.
    The parades were usually led by the mayor of the small town I grew up in, followed by the marching band from the local high school, various civic organizations (to this day I don’t know what an Elk is, but the were always there), Little League baseball teams, Boy Scouts (although I don’t remember seeing Girl Scouts, but at ten years old they might just not have made an impression on me), a local runner who competed in the 1968 Olympics, representatives of various labor unions (yes, this was a long time ago), and finally local military veterans ranging from World War One through Vietnam. The parade ended at a local park and quickly devolved into a picnic.
    The closest thing to a weapon that anybody carried were the rifles that the high school Junior ROTC honor guard carried with the flags. Most of the veterans seemed to be fine with that.
    I’m going to go way out of character here and defend Mr. Trump, or at least his hair. I will be turning sixty in a few months and I still have a full head of hair. Still mostly dark color. I look around at the males on my dad’s side of the family realize how happy I am to have inherited my hair genes from my mom’s family. I once heard a comedian tell the women in the audience that the only way they could understand male baldness was to “…imagine your boobs sagging down to your knees.” Mr. Trump is a disgusting pig, and he is uniquely unqualified to be President, but I will refrain from picking on his hair line.
    Everything else, however, is fair game.
    Anwar Hadid. Now this is a classic wtffashionshark outfit. With a little work it could have been quite nice. A denim jacket that hasn’t been faded and sheared would have gone well with a tie, but please tuck the shirt in. Okay, the pants are pretty hopeless looking, but worn a few sizes larger they would have hidden the shoes. Running a brush through his hair couldn’t hurt too much either.
    If you think the denim bustier is bad, many years ago I recall seeing one made from a pair of men’s briefs. Now that was vile.

    • Jan from Melb says:

      Welcome back Andrew, you have been sorely missed

    • fashionshark says:

      Normally I would not pick on someone’s baldness but in the case of Trump it is different because he is a digusting pig and does not hold back on anyone. In any case, it was not the baldness I was mocking but his pathetic attempts to pretend that he is not bald, narcissism gone mad. He is 71 and yet pretends he has flowing golden locks and a full head of hair. So, like Sarah Sanders’ kneecaps recently, he is fair game.

      Welcome home xx

      • Andrew Purcell says:

        I understand your position. In fact I often find I have to edit myself to avoid taking that position.
        But when the smoke clears, I’m a better man than Mr. Trump and sometimes that means I will bite my tongue and remain silent.
        Not that I have to wait too long for a relevant issue to pop up.

  4. Joyce W says:

    I think Gillian McKeith is trying to get onto your blog – please ignore her – permanently!

  5. Rebecca Jay says:

    Jennifer Lopez’s hair reminds me of my ‘Tressy’ doll. A UK version of a Barbie doll. The clue is in the name – a long ‘tress’ of hair that emerged weirdly from the centre of her head – even at the time I thought it was pretty weird. Now, that dates me…http://www.tressydoll.com/page14.htm Nothing much has changed, more’s the pity 😦

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