Are you sick of the election already? WTF certainly is. Have you heard anyone say anything interesting? Has anyone inspired you? Does it fill you with joy when Sir Michael Fallon comes on? Or Diane Abbott? Tim Farron anyone? Are you thrilled that Zac Goldsmith and Paul Nuttall are back in the frame? It is all as enjoyable as a barbed wire enema. And there are weeks of it to go. Weeks. You could have punch several grannies in the street and be out of prison in less time. And all in the name of cynical opportunism dressed up as getting the country united – united to cheer on President Maydogan as she steers us out of Europe without anyone having the temerity to question what she is doing. The good news is that Nigel Farage is not standing. The bad news is that he is therefore free to comment endlessly on every News Outlet going.
Meanwhile, across the Channel we have another election going on but this one will be done in a fortnight with a run-off between Emmanuel Macron, the man formerly known as “Who?” and Marine, the woman formerly known as Marine Le Pen and Leader of the Front National. (She stepped down to fight the election. When she loses, she will be back.) Le Pen dropped her surname to pretend that she is not the daughter of fascist, antisemitic, holocaust-denying scumbucket Jean-Marie le Pen. Given that both Le Pen père et fille are synonymous with the Front National, this ruse is as about as effective as going to a lynching in ordinary clothes whilst still wearing your pointy white hood with the eye holes. No one is fooled.
Predictably, other right wing bigots are behind Marine. Although he claimed not to endorse her, Trump endorsed her, noting that she was strongest on borders and what is going on in France. “Whoever has the toughest policy on radical Islamic terrorism will do well in the election” he said. Unsurprisingly, Le Pen père said he thought his daughter would win if she campaigned à la Trump. The rebarbative Katie Hopkins told Fox “I just wanted to say that Marine Le Pen is not far right, she is just off the right. And she is in the right. She wants to keep France for the French”. France for the French – ring any bells? Nigel Farage also told Fox’s neanderthal viewers that Le Pen “has dragged the FN a long way from their racist past”. Really? Le Pen wants to deport legal immigrants if they remain unemployed for six months and drastically to reduce immigration. Less than a fortnight into the election, she claimed that the French had played no part in rounding up 38,000 Jews deported to Auschwitz between July and September 1942 (of whom only 780 survived) . According to Le Pen, the people involved were not French because the real French, the Free French, were in exile. So if you didn’t manage to escape France in 1940, you were a traitor. This from the woman who made a virtue of chucking her father out of the Front National for describing the Holocaust as a “detail of history”.
Farage and Le Pen have a lot in common. They both trouser the €108,000 salary as a MEP plus the preposterously generous expenses whilst pissing on it at every turn. They both champion nationalism. They both appeal to the nasty, feral, foreigners-are-bad xenophobia that led us to Brexit. And Trump to the Presidency. Admittedly Le Pen has been helped by the terrorist attacks in France and the uselessness of French Intelligence. The French Intelligence could clearly not catch an elephant in a cupboard. Fortunately, everyone who does not want a racist in power will band together to see Le Pen off next Sunday. But look at those queuing up to cheer her on. By their friends shall ye know them…..
We dip our toes into the week’s sartorial wankiness, starting with actress Jaime King wearing Johanna Ortiz.
No, WTF doesn’t know what is going on here either. The best she can suggest is that Jaime is appearing in a cash-strapped production of Aladdin where the producers told the costume department to use offcuts of curtain material. And frilly, flowery bloomers for the shoulder pads. The fact that Jaime managed a smile is a tribute to her thespian skills. Or evidence that she is bonkers. Or both.
WTF aficionado Pam from Edinburgh will not be happy but here is Orange is the New Black actress Danielle Brooks, wearing Eloquii.
Is it International Curtain Week? First we had Jaime in her curtains and now we have Danielle in flocked brocade and what used to be called a corselette. Frankly, she looked better in her prison uniform.
We are now going A List with actor Ben Affleck, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
The trousers are too short, the shirt and tie are a disgrace and the jacket is too tight. He looks forlorn, like a moping kingfisher.
Next up we have a load of nonsense in our Sheer Tedium section, starting with actress Jena Dewan Tatum wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Julian Macdonald.
Macdonald is the silliest thing to come out of Wales since they actually named a place there Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. And this creation is simply a black lace truss.
Next up is actress Zoey Deutsch, wearing Rodarte.
This is a white lace truss. When did trusses become an actual thing, sartorially speaking? Is there a world hernia epidemic? *puzzled*
Now we have singer Ellie Goulding wearing Valentino. Valentino!
This horror costs £5,000. Ellie seems to be standing in a torn cardboard box filled with cobwebs. Signor Valentino, who always resembles a man rolled in creosote, is clearly suffering from advanced sunstroke.
Bringing up the rear of our Sheer Tedium section is Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post.
This is not a case of flashing your bra. This is a built in bra. It is just terribly, terribly, terrible. WTF is also in great indignation at the un-manicured toes.
Lastly, and I AM NOT LEAVING HER OUT WHATEVER YOU MAY SAY, Kim Kardashian walking the streets wearing lace cycling shorts by La Perla and a very shiny bra.
Not desperate. Not even a bit desperate. Apparently she was going to a friend’s house for dinner. Had she walked into WTF’s house dressed like that, she would have been wearing her dinner. Idiot.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF of Islington, who has had enough of white anchovies. They are unspeakable, taste like old socks and pop up in dishes where white anchovies are not supposed to be. Like in a Salad Niçoise. Or a Caesar Salad (by the way, the number of places which spell it Ceaser Salad is a whole It’s Got To Go on its own). Stop serving these excrescences. Now!!!!
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were lots of excellent comments last week which kept WTF from gloom so keep it up. Not to mention your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x