Hallo Readers,

Everyone was already very worked up by the Cameron Resignation Honours List, which was leaked to the Sunday Times last weekend. WTF certainly was. Regular Readers will know that she is a dogged opponent of the honours system. In the main, recipients fall into the following categories. (i) Arse-lickers political and/or mates with the PM and/or both (ii) Those whom Party Leaders need in the House of Lords to boost the numbers (iii) Civil servants, to go with their copper-bottomed, index-linked, fuck-off pensions (iv) Captains of Industry who have got the chequebook out and poured gold into Party coffers (v) Clapped out entertainers you thought had died and only realise they hadn’t when they get down on arthritic knees in front of HMQ and receive a knighthood. This gets embarrassing when they are later arrested for kiddy fiddling 30 years ago when they were in their pomp (vi) Sportspersons (vii) People who actually help the community through charitable work or doing a job for a pittance for decades, like school crossing patrollers. You know – proper people. And let us be clear. This is not just a Tory thing. The other parties are just as bad in ennobling and honouring their little mates and paymasters. 

Cameron, not content with demanding and getting six months’ severance pay for his bevy of special advisers, has now ensured that his mates and minions have been “honoured” in the Resignation Honours List. Mostly for cocking up, like the Remain Campaigners. Some are made Lords, like his Chief of Staff. Some are given knighthoods, like serial failure Oliver Letwin, a man who would not recognise the right decision if it pissed in his eye. George Osborne, who did as much as anyone to lose the campaign with his ridiculous threats of financial wipeout and the coming of the 10 plagues, is made a Companion of Honour. Samantha Cameron’s stylist/PA/diary keeper, Isabel Spearman, who received £60,000 from the public purse, has the Order of the British Empire for services to politics. She did better than Dave’s barber, Lino Carbosiero, who 2 years ago only got an MBE for services to hairdressing.  

Ironically, the only person who actually deserves recognition in the list is Jeremy Corbyn’s sole nominee, Shami Chakrabarti, who spearheaded the fight for civil liberties for many years and is generally a Good Thing. But even that appointment has its difficulties. First, Corbyn said he would not support the appointment of peers, yet did so. Second, Chakrabarti chaired an enquiry into anti-semitism in the Labour Party and gave it generally a clean bill of health, only to be elevated to the Lords months later.  She has turned down peerages before and so WTF does not remotely believe that she whitewashed the result because she did not need to do so – she could have had one at any time she wanted one. But here is a WTF Rule. Even if it is not iffy, it makes no difference because it looks as it if could be, however unfair that is.

We have to put a stop to this nonsense. P.D.Q. Meanwhile Cameron is flaunting his pasty paunch in Corsica in his £250 swim trunks whilst waving 2 fingers at us all.  Don’t hurry back, Dave. You won’t be missed.

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We start our foray into the week’s fashion flotsam at the Maxim Hot 100 Party where a lot of celebs looked totally and utterly, shockingly, shite. They could have done with the attentions of Ms Spearman, as she could not have done a worse job than this lot achieved for themselves. We start with singer/songwriter/whatever RedOne (né Nadir Al-Khyat) looking like a right pillock.

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be. He appears to be standing in an upturned terracotta double chimney.

Next, we have Spice Girl and TV personage Mel B, wearing who knows what.

Hands up those who want to see Mel B’s minge. No-one? Thought not…..

Also present was model Shaun Ross.

Shaun looks like an Amish postman whose trousers have had a serious argument with his ankles. It made a pleasant change from the amount of tawdry flesh on show elsewhere, but even so….

We now go to the Teen Choice Awards and young Scottish singer Tallia Storm, wearing Alfredo Villalba.

The good news is that Tallia has got rid of her ridiculous cottage-loaf hairstyle.  The bad news is that she has started dressing like an Abbey Clancy mini-me but without the legs to do it.  She looks like she has survived some sort of cataclysmic event.

Now this is upsetting. The fabulous, fashionable FLOTUS usually does not put a foot wrong. But this Brandon Maxwell thing constitutes not just one foot but both of them as well as her ankles, deep, deep, deep in a bucket of slurry.

She looks like a wrestler bursting out of a shroud. Have you ever seen anything so unflattering? The back is also very bad.

Are those trousers underneath the skirt? And the last time WTF saw shoulders like that, they were on Steven Segal and they looked better on him.

Ah! Our old friend Jared Leto at the premiere of Suicide Squad wearing Gucci. Of course he is.

WTF likes the coat and does not even mind the contrast with the pink trewsies. But not these pink trewsies. These have not so much had an argument with his ankles as actively filed for divorce. And white socks with black loafers?

To the premiere of Sharknado – the 4th Load of Old Crap and actress Tara Reid, wearing WTF bugbear and Minge Maestro, Michael Costello.

Tara seems to have been rolling around in glue and a load of dead pigeons. She is also displaying an unwarranted amount of flesh. The effect is deeply unsexy, like a barely-pubescent teenager playing dress up. As for the My Little Ponytail, it is to be deplored.

Finally, we happen upon Elton John out and about in Sardinia.

OMG. Another dose of leaf green, but unlike Jared’s coat, this is just horrible in every possible way. He resembles Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances reincarnated as a pudgy leprechaun in rascal trainers.

Elton! Have a word with yourself. Those trainers would look good on one of your young sons. You are 69. Trainers should not be worn with a shorts suit. And a shorts suit should not be worn at all.