WTF Bumper Golden Globes Special

Hallo Readers,

Jeremy Corbyn made a right balls up of his reshuffle. Of course he did. He is King Midas in reverse, in that everything he touches turns to shit. One is beginning to wonder whether he could find his arse with two hands and a map. Only Corbyn could give his MPs a free vote on bombing Syria and then bristle like a brush when Hilary Benn, his Shadow Foreign Secretary, made a bravura speech expressing views diametrically opposite to his own. Labour Party policy is not what the Leader says it is, not least when he is too scared to put it to any form of vote. Benn has been allowed to keep his job but only if his expressed views align with his Leader’s. Only Corbyn could boot Maria Eagle, his Shadow Defence Secretary, out of her role because of her opposition to nuclear disarmament, despite appointing her only 4 months earlier in full knowledge of what those views were. Once again, nuclear disarmament is not Labour Party policy and at last autumn’s party conference, a motion supporting the abolition of Trident did not even make it onto the order paper. Only Corbyn could remove the defence portfolio and shunt Eagle into the Culture Media and Sport portfolio and then have his hatchet-faced press spokesman put it about that she was delighted at having such a “fun brief”. And only Corbyn could give the vacant Shadow Defence brief to Emily Thornberry (who is in fact WTF’s MP). You may recall that it was Thornberry who was booted out of little Ed Miliband’s Shadow Cabinet during the election for tweeting  disparagingly about a house in Rochester bedecked with a Union Jack and a white van parked in the drive. And she was campaigning there!!! Corbyn brought her back, having given the barrel a last scrape, and now here she is supporting his stance in the very week that the loonies in North Korea are claiming to have developed a nuclear capability.

It gets worse. Thornberry has been getting £14,500 a year from solicitors Leigh Day to fund a research assistant. Quite properly, she declared it in the Parliamentary Register of Members’ Interests but it is wholly inappropriate, both in her former role as Shadow Attorney General and in her current role as in Defence. A party spokesman on legal affairs should not be receiving money from a firm of solicitors. And the Shadow Defence Secretary should not be receiving money from a firm of solicitors bringing claims against the Ministry of Defence on behalf of civilians in Afghanistan and Iraq allegedly brutalised by British soldiers.

The right wing papers have of course gone raving mad with the newsprint positively damp from the spittle. Only yesterday, The Mail published a piece of splenetic drivel excoriating the head of Leigh Day as a dangerous lefty intent on destroying civilisation as we know it. Admittedly there are serious allegations against a Leigh Day solicitor for shredding documents due to be handed over to an inquiry into military conduct in Iraq which, if true, would be disgraceful. However, the piece went further, furious that claims were being brought at all. The gist of it appeared to be how very dare people injured, brutalised, beaten and tortured claim compensation at all when they should be bloody grateful we went in there to save them? Yes, we may have fucked up their country in the process but that’s war innit?

Be that howsoever it may be, Thornberry should be ashamed of herself. She need not be looking for handouts. She is the wife of a High Court Judge with a big fat property portfolio. On the other hand, she appears to have about as much common sense as most of Corbyn’s little gang…..

Turning to the week’s fashion foul-ups, we have a big fat bumper edition of the Golden Globes Red Carpet horrors and very horrible they were too. We start with actress Melissa McCarthy, wearing something of her own design.

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Er…this is a bin bag. It may be worn with hideous fuck-me sandals and a sparkling clutch but it remains a bin bag. That is all.

Next up, we have actress Regina King wearing Krikor Jabolian.
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WTF racked her brains before reaching the conclusion that Regina is encased in some very fancy-schmanzy gift wrap and an old nylon sheet, like kiddies when they are playing dress-up and pretending to be Tinkerbell.

This is Vampire Diaries star Denis O’Hare.

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You have to admit it….he has got your attention. He should also get the attention of healthcare professionals. Stat.

WTF is sorry to announce the arrival of proper film star Jane Fonda, wearing Yves St Laurent.

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WTF has just returned from a splendid sojourn in Northern Spain and this dress reminds her of the undulating pantiles on the roof of a rustic hacienda. Being the consummate professional she is, Jane is putting on a brave smile but even an double Oscar winner cannot fool us into believing that wearing this is a good idea.

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Then there was singer Charli XCX wearing Jaime Lee. What the hell she was doing there, WTF cannot say.

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Charli looks like a burlesque dancer waiting for her cue whilst that “skirt” is hanging over her arse like a badly dressed table.

There are of course no surprises in featuring Heidi Klum, here wearing Marchesa.

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Heidi is dressed as a particularly hairy grey yeti with tits. Who knows why?

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OK Readers, brace yourselves because the dresses just get worse. For example, here is TV reality star, Whitney Port, wearing (who else?) Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

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Why is this even happening? No honestly, what IS this? It is surprisingly covered up for the Minge Maestro. WTF’s main objection is more basic.  It is dog ugly.

They keep on coming…. meet actress Bellamy Young, Melly Grant in one of WTF’s favourite TV shows, Scandal, wearing Solace London.

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Scandal is what this dress is and those tits are flatter than a couple of pancakes. 

This is actress and WTF regular Jaime King, wearing Monse.

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On seeing this picture a Glaswegian friend posed the question, “What is she, a fucking zebra?” And was he wrong?

We encounter Russian model Masha Rudenko. This one doesn’t even count as clothes……

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Masha used to hang about with tortoise-face Mick Jagger despite the fact that he was about 50 years older than her. And now Mick’s ex-wife, Jerry Hall, is marrying another tortoise face, Rupert Murdoch, who is older than time. As for this “outfit”who needs undies anyway? Just put double floral bits over your bits…

Finally, here she is again. I refer to that aristocratic waste of oxygen Lady Victoria Hervey, wearing Ali Karoui.

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Oh please. Where are the tumbrils when you need them? There has to be more to being a celebrity than getting your bony bits out. And I mean bony…

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She has more bones than an overstuffed ossuary. And then there is the matter of the rear view…..

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Sigh. Those arse cheeks are out again. Every year is worse than the previous one. Just go away…..

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WTF is celebrating another victory after last week’s It’s Got To Go, to whit Sir Philip Dilley of the Environment Agency, went. And good riddance. Let us hope for equal success with this week’s nomination, which can be taken shortly. The late, lamented David Bowie had spoken in favour of maintaining the union during the Scottish Referendum. To some morons, this meant he deserved to die of cancer and they took to Twitter exulting in his demise. And if that is not enough to hope for a Yes vote next round, what is?

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

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3 Responses to WTF Bumper Golden Globes Special

  1. Andrew Purcell says:

    My first reaction to Melissa McCarthy’s outfit was “It’s a bathrobe made from plastic garbage bags” even before I read your description. You’ve trained me well.
    About her footwear that you called “fuck-me sandals”. In a reversal of roles I’m in the unusual position of telling you about a fashion footwear term, but first I have to tell you this story for the proper perspective.
    One of my sisters has been interested in theater pretty much since she began to walk. She has pursued this interest very seriously and for the last two decades she has been working on Broadway (I believe the job title is wardrobe supervisor). And as a shameless plug, her current show is “Something Rotten”.
    Anyway, about thirty years ago while she was in college working on her theater degree, she came home to Houston for the summer and promptly got involved with a local community theater group that was producing Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”. Half the people involved in this show were people my sister went to high school or college with. Every one of them, including the director, were under twenty-five. This presented a problem when it came to casting the Biblical patriarch Jacob. But since my family had known half of the people involved in this production for years, they knew us for just as long, and someone suggested to my sister that she ask Dad if he wanted to play Jacob.
    Dad enjoys theater, especially musical theater. He’s a big guy, he was in his early fifties, he has a voice that will carry not only to the back row, but through the lobby and out into the parking lot. He even has his own beard. He’d be great, but he’s also a suit and tie business kind of guy. Performing on stage just wasn’t on his list of things he expected to do, but somehow they talked him into it.
    He had a really good time, but there were not only the generational differences he had too deal with but cultural ones too. At his core Dad is a Good Catholic (there is a reason why my Twitter name is @1st_of_Seven) and what I will for the sake of propriety describe as informal backstage camaraderie was not something he was prepared for.
    One of the female characters in the play had nothing to do except to attempt to seduce Joseph. Her costume made her look like a streetwalker, and it included a pair of shoes with what had to be five inch spike heels. The actress who played this role complained constantly about the (and here is the fashion footwear term) FMHPs. They were uncomfortable and they made it difficult to maneuver across the stage. She used this term often. Finally curiosity got the better of Dad and he asked her what FMHP stood for.
    Fuck Me Harder Pumps.
    Dad wasn’t expecting that. He thought it was funny and he told the story often, but…
    Feel free to add either the acronym or the spelled out phrase to your collection. I’m certain that someone will come along in footwear that deserves it.
    After all, if the shoe fits, wear it.

  2. SueP says:

    When I saw the reports of the Golden Globes in the papers last week I thought `Well at least there’s nothing transparent`. How wrong I was. Thank you, WTF, for finding the horrors the papers left out! We can always rely on you!

  3. Lady Victoria Hervey gives lie to the old adage “you can never be too thin”. Ugh!

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