Hallo Readers and Happy New Year!
Here it is! The WTF Christmas Turkey 2014 Poll featuring the worst of the last 6 months since you voted in June for the WTF Summer Stinker 2014. Here are 21 examples of sartorial shockingness and your mission is to vote for one or more of them, and, should you so wish, to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes. Kim Kardashian is not featured as WTF cannot stand the opprobrium heaped upon her by outraged Readers every time she features the woman’s inflated bits crammed into too-small couture. There is no Lady Gaga either because she does it on purpose and Rita Ora is in this time but she is about to be exiled to the Siberia of @WTF_EEK because she can’t keep away from ghastliness. These horrors are listed in first name alphabetical order and in no order of preference as, to be frank, they are all utterly frightful. Off we go……
1. Amber Rose, pointless celebrity, wearing Laura Devitt.
Amber Rose turned up at the Video Music Awards wearing one of Salomé’s cast-offs and showing us most of her all. Not that we wanted to see it.
2. Bai Ling, actress, wearing a rose growing out of her nether regions.
Why is this even happening? How does this even begin to be an outfit?
3. Bleona Qereti, Albanian born singer and TV person, wearing Shahla Doriz.
Bleona’s parents were so mortified by their daughter appearing at the American Music Awards clad only in a sparkling fishing net that they barricaded themselves into their house and refused to come out. If only Bleona had done the same on the night…
4. Charli XCX, singer, wearing something quite horrible.
There is probably a good reason for covering your lady parts with rabbit bobtails. It is just that WTF does not know what it is
5. Gabi Grecko, 26, American wannabe celebrity and 6. her fiancé, colourful Australian businessman Geoffrey Edelsten, 71. They are shown together but you can vote for either (or both) as they are not a job lot.
This dynamic duo graced the Melbourne Gold Cup, she dressed as a burlesque dancer and he as a satin banana. One hopes that they will be very happy together.
7. Iggy Azalea, rapper, wearing something quite horrible.
As WTF remarked at the time, the outfit looks like something knocked up from a used parachute whilst the black toe-squishing boots are simply an abomination, causing Iggy’s legs to be criss-crossed and scored like the crackling on a joint of pork.
8. Jeremy Scott, fashion designer, wearing Jeremy Scott.
To compound the horror, it has a smiley face on the back. What is it with men and banana yellow? Why is he dressed as a clown? Where is his shirt? Why is he wearing pointy patent pumps? Why doesn’t he just go away?
9. K Michelle, singer and musician, wearing something quite horrible.
The singer is known for her frankness. She informed her fans that she had refused to sleep with American Football Player Chad Ochocino because “his penis was too big”. WTF is also known for her frankness. This outfit is an excrescence. And her knickers are showing. Not to mention her arse.
10. Kate Moss wearing Kate Moss for Topshop.
Not even a supermodel can get away with these creased and inflammable-looking synthetic satin jim-jams and a dead flamingo over her shoulders. Kate smokes like a chimney and she could have gone up in flames had her fag-ash been misdirected.
11. Katie Price, glamour model, “author” and businesswoman wearing her undies.
Katie, aka Jordan, turned up at the launch of the latest book she hasn’t written called Make My Wish Come True, wearing lingerie, fuck-me shoes, a tiara and two of the fakest-looking fake tits WTF has seen in a while. Although she has since had them drastically reduced and now complains that they’re too small.
12. Lena Dunham, actress and writer, wearing Giambattista Valli.
The shirt is two sizes too small and a bra is required as a matter of urgency. As for the skirt, is it a slanket? Is it a frilly Pantone colour chart? Whatever it is, she looks like an ice cream sundae.
13. Maitland Ward, actress, wearing J. Loren for Adolfo Sanchez.
Maitland has kept WTF busy in the past year but this leather Minge Waterfall effort giving us an eyeful of everything she has is just the pits.
14. Mariah Carey, singer, wearing not nearly enough.
Either wear a skirt or don’t but make your mind up. In the meantime, wrap that dangling thing around you because we really don’t want to see your panties.
15. Matcho Suba, fashion designer, wearing Matcho Suba.
Preposterous. And then some. The German WW1 helmet. The wallpaper suit. The too-short trousers. The nasty yellow breast-pocket hankie. Ugh.
16. Miley Cyrus, singer and actress, wearing Tom Ford.
Tom Ford has gone right down the pan, which WTF dates from when he started dressing Beyoncé. WTF hates this bondage chic trend and wants it to stop.
17. Naomi Grossman, actress, wearing Natalia Fedner.
Naomi’s shaven head is not by choice but for her part in American Psycho. However no-one forced her into that hideous Minge Moment dress for which she should take full responsibility.
18. Rihanna, singer, wearing Stella McCartney.
WTF hates tattooed tits and isn’t wild about Stella McCartney so this nonsensical jacket, which seems to have designed for Gérard Depardieu, ticks a lot of boxes.
Rita is simultaneously dressed as a tart and a vicar, which seems a trifle irreligious and those shiny sausage tights are an eyesore.
20. Rosario Dawson, actress, wearing Vionnet.
Rosario is beautiful but this dress is deeply disturbing, as if dirty washing is tumbling out of a giant porthole in her stomach. What on earth is it supposed to be? Baffling.
21. Roselyn Sánchez, actress wearing Ecliptica.
Why bother to wear this at all? It is an embroidered hold-up stocking left by a particularly pervy member of Santa’s little helpers. The word “trashy” has insufficient nuance.
OK Readers, get voting! WTF is in sunny Australia for her holidays and will be back with you on 16 January where the Winner of the 2014 Christmas Turkey will be announced together with the first of 2015’s horrible fashion faux pas. Remember – vote now and vote often and make sure everyone you know gets to vote as well. Be good x